A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was in a 5 month relationship last year which was going really well. We talked loads about our future together. My boyfriend looked at possible building sites to build a house for us in the future! But then he changed jobs and went back to university which is the next town over from where he lives. He barely had any time for me and consequently broke up with me not to hurt me anymore. I found this hard to accept and we both said mean angry things we didn't mean. But the thing is i can't get over him, even now 7 months after the break-up my heart still wants him back. I've tried to forget this feeling and move on because that's what people tell me to do but it just makes me depressed. I have been in contact with him recently, but it's a really busy time for him as it's his last year at uni and he's writing his disertation. Admittedly i haven't told him exactly how i feel, he knows i'm confused. But he's more interested in his work right now.I'm scared he doesn't feel the same and i will ruin the start of a friendship which is better than no contact at all. Do you think it's best to wait and see what happens or admit exactly how i feel?Thank you!! xx
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, move on, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 well i beleive hun since he is busy and has no time for u..y do u want to run after him..even if u guys start seeing each other again..he wouldnt be able to give u the time of the day..is it okay with u..think about it...wouldnt u want someone to be with u to care for u rather than take care of his work..but finally its ur decision..all the best!!
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (17 May 2008):
 As hard as it is give him this space to finish his degree and then contact him again afterwards to tell him how you feel. It does take a long time to get over someone and often it doesnt happen until you start dating again. Find some new interests to get you out of the house to meet new people, not necessarily for dating them, but just so you feel your life is yours again. Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, growing  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Its his last year and apparently would be quite busy.You said that you were together for 5 months and used to discuss future but then he got busy with his work and broke up with you,he recently came in contact but he sees you as a frd.
firstly,if he was that serious and you were anywhere in his future then why did he break up??
I understand that he got really busy but then everybody is busy in this world then why they continue with their relationships?even they should dump each other when they join some new job.rite??
If he still is in the same hectic schedule then how come he now has time for a friend(you)?
If you are okay with this kind of scene, then whats harm in contnuing a friendship??Just enjoy and know him more.
But in case you are not comfortable ,then ask him what was wrong then, that he had to call off a new born relationship ?If he can talk as a frd then what was there that stopped him of talking for same time as a bf??
I believe,he giving you less time wasn't the issue between you two?cos if you were getting in regular quarels over that then it could be one reason that was responsible for your break up.
so just cheack and re-check what went wrong and if he too feels for you??
Then think further.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): This is just an idea but maybe you could say how you feel and say that you think you should give the relationship another try DONT PRESSURE him though else he will get freaked and backfire so just suggest it but also say that if he isn't ready you will understand.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lily Moll  +, writes (17 May 2008):
I'm currently in a similar situation with my ex.. went out for two years and have been broken up for almost six months, said horrible things to each other, and now I'm trying to pursue a friendship with him. He seems okay with being friends, but I'm continually afraid that I'll screw things up by wanting more than that and pushing him away. My solution has been to limit contact and to limit the content of our conversations.. at least my half, and he seems to be following suit. For example, we never talk about "feelings"-- not about any feelings at all.. I don't tell him when I'm angry at a friend, etc. I suppose my solution has been to try to keep our friendship superficial at first, and maybe in time, we'll ease back into a more comfortable friendship, and then, if we're both ready and want it, maybe a relationship again. The obvious flaw with this is who wants to be superficial friends with anyone, let alone the person they more than anyone else in the world? I think of it as regaining trust.. not just his in me or mine in him, but to build my own trust in myself. It sounds like a similar situation for you.. you need to start slow, learn to trust yourself around him, and know that you can have a conversation with him without losing it and ruining the friendship and subsequently any chance to be together. You can do it. He's obviously wrestling with his own issues (finishing school) and in time, everything will become clearer.. your relationship to one another as well as each of your feelings. Whether or not he feels the same, it's buried right now under the work he has to do to finish school. My vote goes to wait and see what happens. I know it's hard, but be patient. Hang out with friends, work on your own projects and hobbies, and take care of yourself. *hugs*
...............................
|
