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6 years later, he is very secretive and our sex life is lacking. Help!

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Question - (5 August 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 6 August 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *oncepta writes:

i have been with my partner for 6 years we have a lovely little boy together we both work full time. lately i have notice big changes in him like been very sneaky not leaving his phone down or when i walk in the room he hides it straight away we have a none existing sex life he use to be a very randy person to go from that to nothing theres got to be something wrong

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010):

Yeah.....something is "going on" and it's about time you bring this to your husband's attention. I am not one to advocate "snopping" but it's obvious you don't trust him at this point because, you feel like he is hiding things from you (and I think he is), so maybe if he leaves his phone down by "accident" just take a took at it. But I caution you...you might discover something that will break your heart.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (5 August 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntThe sex stopped for a reason....And if he's holding on to his cell phone like its his member then something is up. This part I hate, that cell phone is key my friend youre going to have to wait till he slips up and leaves the phone on the table while he's taking a poo or while he's sleeping. But even when u get that phone in ur hand then he may have deleted his inbox and outbox...If thats the case ur both 22-25 does he have a myspace of facebook? If u knew the password i would check those or any yahoo messengers, even his email. Weve all been there at one point in our lives..if you dig and u got nothing and the sex is still is nada then I would have a chat with him, whats up with our sex life..I know it sounds horrid that im suggesting u to snoop but it eases the mind, and if u find something then its better to know now than never. Oh and dont get caught!

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A female reader, almc Canada +, writes (5 August 2010):

Something is going on, you know that he is hiding his phone, so he is talking to someone he doesn't want you to know. I'm sorry to say this but maybe there is someone else, to go from a sex life to none, might mean he is getting it somewhere else, sorry if I'm putting it out there but just what I think. Good luck. Let me know what happens.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010):

You need to discuss the changes, and there needs to be identifiable, legitimate and documented reasons for the changes. If it doesn't add up, don't be afraid to tell him. If he is just, he will have legitimate reasons. If he is not, he wont. People dont just change like that without significant reasons. he mayhave some...stress at work, problems at work he doesn't want to worry you about, etc. But it sounds fishy.

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A female reader, Lotsalove. United States +, writes (5 August 2010):

Lotsalove. agony auntDefinetely. It's a big red alert when your not having sex, I understand you have a child, however young he may be, but it's usually the mother who loses her sex drive therefore I dont think this is the problem. It could be one of the following:

- Pressure at work

- Getting too comfortable in your relationship to make the efforts you use to when you were first together

- Theres another woman

By what you have said about being secretive with his phone is another big red alert. My ex did exactly that, If his phone wasn't safely in his pocket or hand, it was within reaching distance from him. When he went in the shower, It was as close to him as it could be. It made me very suspicious, so one day when he was drunk and passed out, I took his phone and read it, Im thankful I did as their were several other women he declared his love, recieved/sent pictures to and thanked for the amazing nights. And out the door I went.

I'm not saying your man is cheating, but if he hasnt always been secretive with his phone then why now? Also especially as there's no sex, and men NEED sex. You need to start observing him, If a text comes through is he answering it straight away or letting it linger and answering it in another room or a distance from you? Is he out more often? Is his phone on silent alot more? If the weeks go by and you notice that its getting too much, then ask him first 'Who are you texting/calling?' If his answers dont sound genuine, ask to look at his phone? If he says no, its time to look at it (when you can get a chance).

Always ask first before prying, but if hes being shady then you need to find out the truth.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (5 August 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntTime for a nice long chat. Something's up, besides all the red flags that is.

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