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*neshyhunni
writes: Dear Cupid,My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months now. Recently we had the love discussion. He said that he felt as though he was falling in love with me and I told him that i already was. About 2 weeks later he suddenly announced that he didnt think that he was in love with me at the current moment because he still has feelings for his ex, who dumped him in early December last year. She cheated on him and got pregnant by another man and is now married to that man. She emails him often to update him on her new family. They talk via IM about once a month and they mainly talk about her new life. He see's a counselor and has discussed this issue with her. She says that she believes that he does love me he's just scared to commit to me because of what happened in his last relationship. I dont understand why he still has feelings for this woman and what can I do about it. I dont want to leave him because I care too much for him but i dont know how much longer I can go on knowing he has feelings for this woman. I'm not sure what to do.
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reader, emah +, writes (17 June 2005):
You have been together for FIVE months and you are forgetting that he has been alive before he met you. Ggrow up. Mabye you shouldn't date someone who has just gotten a divorce if you are not seeing that he is trying to move on but how devastating to find out your WIFE just got knocked up by another man.
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reader, helpfull girl +, writes (17 June 2005):
IT SEEMS THIS MAN WILL ONLY GET STRONGER IN TIME TO COME. ALL YOU CAN DO IS STICK BY HIM TILL HE BUILDS HIS STRENGTH UP. IT MAY SEEM HARD TO DO BUT IF YOU LOVE THIS MAN YOU'LL WAIT. YOU SHOULD TRY AND TELL HIM IN A VERY POLITE WAY HE NEEDS TO STOP GETTING IN TOUCH WITH HIS EX BECAUSE IT MAKES THINGS HARDER FOR HIM. I AGREE HE MORE THAN LIKELY DOES LOVE YOU BUT IS SCARED TO COMMIT IN CASE HE HAS HIS HEART BROKEN AGAIN! AS THE SONG SAY'S STAND BY YOUR MAN&SHOW THE WORLD YOU LOVE HIM!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (17 June 2005):
 I think your boyfriend may have got involved with you before he had fully recovered from his break up with his ex girlfriend.He didn't give himself sufficient time to come to terms with what she did and how he felt about her.
As a result of this, he is struggling to overcome it now while he is with you.
Now, you could wait for him to get his act together and deal with his emotions but this could mean that your own needs won't be met.
You could say good-bye to him and let him continue with his rather destructive way of dealing with his past.
Or, you could somehow compromise between the two. You could sit him down and say to him how much you care about him and want to be with him but that you would like to be able to gain something from the emotional investment you are putting into this relationship. Explain to him that you would stand by him but that you feel that perhaps he shouldn't be in contact with his ex now. She has got her own life and he should be working towards getting his too.
Explain to him that it does upset you that he still has feelings for his ex but that you are prepared to wait for him to come to terms with this providing he respects and cares for you in return.
This is a mid-way point and by giving him the support while recognising your own needs could accomplish you having a committed relationship with him eventually.
I hope this helps.
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