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*udrey
writes: Long love triangle. Was with ex for 18 yrs on/off. Split 3 yes ago drinking & cheating. Can't get over him. He now lives with g/f, not the one he cheated with. She's with one of his mates now as we (him & I) couldn't stay away from each other & it's still the same, although he lives with g/f. She knows he stays with me when he's not at hers. It happened 3 times. he's stayed for over a week at mine then went back to her. It's killing me. Been to doc, talk to family; nothing helps. I know he will come back again & I can't say NO. I know I should but I want to get back at him for treating me this way. Spoke to the g/f the 2 times he was back, at begining June. Left 10 days ago. He was suppose to be moving into a flat. I took him to see it. Now I hear he's pulled out. I haven't spoken to g/f about him being here & she didn't call (she did the last time). We just go round in circles. She knows he sleeps with me. He can't hide it & he says he can't give me up either. please help Reply to this Question
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reader, Wendyg  +, writes (17 June 2005):
 For all of your sakes one of you has to be strong enough to end it. The longer this goes on for the worse it will get. Why should this man have his cake and eat it... stay with you then with her when he picks and chooses... sounds like a real nice bloke hey!! when hes bored at one house he goes to another to get his kicks... hes not committed to either of you... both of you should get rid of him and both move on and get a decent bloke that will spend all his time with one woman and not part time with one and then another when he feels like it. You are letting yourself be treated this way ... dont let him do it.. no one else can stop it but you... face the fact that its never going to change, you will always be the other woman, and he will always cheat. You deserve better in life, stop it now and get out and find a decent bloke, they do exist. If you dont you will still have years of misery ahead of you as you know he wont change... its time you changed and got on with your life without him!
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (17 June 2005):
 His life is as he planned it and you must equate pain and loss with love. For the next week or two don't worry about the yes or no part of the problem. Just start the distancing. None of the gals he is sleeping with has his respect. He probably will never be long term with any of you unless all but one of you gets some self respect and dumps his butt. The "winner" gets the boobie prize which is not much and definately will never be satisfying.Try this- instead of focusing on the future, quit him like smoking. When he calls and wants to stop by or if he has a usual time he can be expected, either act as if you are in a hurry and have some plans or don't be there --- just that one time. Refuse to say where you have been. Next, start an exercise and personal regimine that pampers you both physically and mentally. The idea is that you don't beat yourself up over the things you are not changing and you start to look and feel better too. Slowly, add time by being later home of by saying you will call him back but when you want to try to add a little bit more time to his wait. In other words, make him wait by the phone and if he ever does see you again, he will notice your looking better and seem more confident. He will probably become jealous after awhile since he will see you are not his play thing. Let his jealousy empower your slow rise in self esteem. As you make the time longer and longer between trists, you will feel better and better about your self. As you become more and more "super-fine" he will realize he is shallow and has lost out on a great thing. Good luck, and if you must use him try not to so often since men will always be better at sex without attachment. Women were made to bond and that puts you at a disadvantage that will really smart.
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