A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My whole life has just fallen apart. I have been with my long term boyfriend for 5 years but things have only got really serious in the last 18 months, we have discussed marrige and he has been concidering moving in with me ...I have never met his close family only because he says that his mother passed away when he was young, he doesnt speak to his dad and has no brothers and sisters. I once met his cousin Jane. He is a lorry driver and is away alot.....Yesterday I found out that all of this is a lie. His wife contacted me on facebook. I know she's telling the truth because there are wedding photos and a little baby girl. His mothers not dead and he see's his family every time he says he's working so god knows where he gets money from. His wife says she doesnt blame me. I messaged her my number and we spoke. she says she has known he was having an affair for about 10 months it was just a matter of proving it. They have everything together that I have ever wanted and I feel heart broken and betrayed because I am the other woman, I also feel guilty and sorry for his wife who is struggling with a little baby while he is away, I have wasted 5 years of my life on this waste of space and im so gutted and hurt that I dont know where to start. He is coming back on wednesday and he doesnt know that I know yet please help me because I cant think strait what do I say to a man like that!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): I suggest you tell him not to come over either by text or a phone call. Do not tell him anything. Tell him it is over and you want nothing to do with him ever again. Do not ever see him again. If he demands an explanation, or you feel you have to give him one, simply tell him his wife telephoned you, and you know everything. Try not to drag it out. Try not to allow him to sweet talk you back into his life. This will be the hardest thing to do, but you must not allow any more of his lies and deceit in your life. He is a sick man with a personality disorder. You have given him 5 years of your life, but be grateful you do not live with him, and you have not had a child with him. Be grateful that his wife contacted you, and that you now know the truth. Walk away and do not look back. You have had a lucky escape, and do not ever forget it. You do not know who this man really is. He has caused you an enormous amount of harm, and is therefore a person you should keep away from.
Spend your time now learning all you can from this experience.
A
female
reader, againstmyself  +, writes (29 October 2013):
Drop him. Don't let him come over. If you must speak to him, do so over the phone or through e-mail. Scum like this guy will only use your emotions against you, and you do not want to end up stuck with him because he pulled at your heart strings enough to convince you to stay. Cut him out of your life quick, so you don't lose any more of your precious time. He's not worth it.
Don't ever envy anyone else's life either. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. Marriage is not the fun bright happy thing that so many people seem to think it is. It's not a black pit either, though. It takes a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice to make one work. Enjoy your time as a single woman. The right time will come for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): Has she not already told him? You both need to get rid
of him.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (29 October 2013):
I'm sorry this has happened to you. It's understandable that you are hurt angry and struggling to make sense of it all. You don't want a man like him. Imagine being married to a man who lies, cheats and basically disrespects your marriage? His wife knows only too well what it's like. Pity her don't envy her. You are much better off without this loser and I hope his wife kicks him to the curb too! You don't have to see him on Wednesday if you don't want to. A phone call, letter or whatever makes it easier is enough. But of course you want to hear what he has to say for himself. That decision is yours. But start the grieving process now and start mending your life and heart. He has stolen 5yrs away from you and does not deserve to steal another minute.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): I'm not sure how he was able to coverup a double-life for so long. He must have been very neglectful to his family. You now know the truth and like Honeypie says, shouldn't waste anymore of your time.He must have been quite creative between both you and his wife; keeping the both of you in the dark about his time away from either of you. I'm amazed.Dump him hard and cold; and do everything you can to make it all up to yourself. We all make mistakes. This may be hard to get over; but the anger will certainly shorten the recovery time. Hopefully, it will motivate you to do all those things you wanted to do that you put aside to center your attention around your relationship to that jerk.You are free now. Make the best of it. Don't let anger consume you and steal even more time from you. It was all a big hoax men often pullover on gullible women. You can't turn back time, but you can move forward.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (28 October 2013):
I'm so sorry that you were put in this position. I feel for his wife. What courage it took for both of you to have this important conversation.
I would of have the wife come to your place so when he arrived she was there for him to try and worm out of it.
He put you in a terrible place. Don't let him "own" you for the rest of your life. Move on. You did nothing wrong. Take back what is yours and find that person who truly loves, respect and supports you in a happy, healthy relationship!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Then STOP wasting any more of your life, call him (if you can) before he is supposed to arrive and tell him to NOT stop by, NOT call you anymore, LEAVE you alone - that he NEEDS to go home to his wife and child.
After that you BLOCK his number and change your locks. If you have anything of his Tell him when and where he can pick it up - leave it on your front door step.
DO NOT talk to him, just INFORM him. He will just try and lie some more.
YOU didn't do anything wrong. CUT him out like the tumor he is.
Take some time to heal and then move on.
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