A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all and thanks in advance for your feedback. This past September 25th i was told by my ex that he was leaving me for another female that he met at work and had just knew for a few weeks. Him and i were together over 5yrs. He told me the day before him and i were supposed to leave for the beach on our vacation. lol He apologized and said that he wasn't going to contact me. It really hurt, i mean..it tore me to shreds. I was a basket case! I changed my number and went NC. Between that time and as i'm typing this, he has text, called, sent emails, numerous times. I have maybe responded to 2 or three of his was of communication. It really hurt and took me a month or so to even get to the point where i'm "ok". I had to pick myself up and meet new people because it was just him and i. I tried to talk to a few ppl but, ehh, there was nothing there. I finally met someone and we've been talking for almost two months now and i've been feeling good around him. The only thing is...i think about my ex from time to time to the point where i'm in tears. It had been about a month since the last time i spoke with him...i decided to send him a Merry Christmas text and i shouldn't have because he was excited to hear from me..he was calling me the nickname he gave me while we were together. He said, and i quote "i guess you don't want to talk to me anymore because you never pick up when i call, but i want to let you know that i love you and i miss you and i want to see you. Can we have lunch this weekend? We were together everyday for over five years, it's a hard habit to break" this is a guy that left me for someone else and they are supposedly still together. I told him that i couldn't have lunch with him. *sigh* I feel bad for the new guy because i still think of my ex even after the b.s. he put me thru and I feel stupid because..i think of him after the b.s he put me thru. i am genuinely attracted to this new guy and the feelings i have for him are beginning to surface but my ex is haunting me. Can someone tell me something..i don't care what it is..i just need something. I've never loved anyone like i loved my ex. I'm so lost.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (27 December 2011):
 By all means, do not get together with your ex. I have been in the similar situation as you and I was stupid for giving him one more chance. After getting back together for one month, he left me again. I knew the whole time in my heart that it was wrong, but gave him the benefit of the doubt... That's what us women do lol. They fall back on us when something is wrong. You should just let him go, and concentrate on the future. Take a little of "you" time and take things lightly with this new guy. Things will fall into place with you. Good luck! 3
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 December 2011):
 Take it easy and give yourself TIME to grieve your loss ( btw,not such a big loss, if you ask me- your ex sounds like the typical d...head that wants to keep his cake and eat it too ). IF you broke up on Sept 25th- and you have been dating a new guy for 2 months , that means you haven't let even one month pass by yourself, you have gone on the prowl right away. Now, some people says that's a good system, once you fall off a horse it helps to climb back right away... but I don't think it works so fine, I don't think anybody can be expected to magically forget about the person she has dated and loved for 5 long years. Time and patience, and distract yourself with work , friend and hobbies- and be firmer about the NC. Don't be so wishy washy, if you are serious about moving on, you must do it for real, not just go through the motions " It's a hard habit to break ..." How flattering. Pfui ! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2011): How you feel is normal. He left you remember, so it will be hard to accept and move on. But for your own sake that is what you need to do. Congrats for finding someone new. That is brilliant but the trick is...not to spoil that by hankering after someone who was no good for you. The ex has said its a hard habit to break. Habit. That is all it is for him. He is still with the woman he met and left you for. All he is trying to do by staying in touch with you is to get over the habit, wean himself off you in a way. Once he has done that with a few calls or a meeting or two, you wont see him for dust! So dont be tempted by revisiting with this ex. He is just using you. Do what you need to do to get your closure with him and leave him where he belongs, firmly in your past. You have worked hard to get where you are today. This ex will just drag you down again. Move forward with your new love interest and leave the past behind you x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2011): Im afraid the only answer is to keep your ex out of your life.
He probably is guilty about what happened and knows that it has affected you badly. He obviously cares about you and maybe wants to find out your ok - while still testing his own emotions out towards you.
Dont meet him as it will mess your head up even more. Decline the meet up offer, say you want to concentrate on your new relationship and would prefer to have no contact as this is a hard time for you.
Perhaps say that you hope in the future, many months from now, that you can be friends.
Hopefully by this time, your feelings for your new man will have grown so as to make any contact with your ex purely friendship based.
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