A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend cheated on me and got pregnant.......she didn't know she was pregnant until five months later..........if u were in my shoes would u forgive her or leave. We tryn to work it out going to counseling and all. Am I'm a bigger man by tryn to make the relationship work or am I'm lookin stupid
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): i really admire you wanting to bring up someone else's seed, but really. why pay for something that is not yours. it will be a constant reminder of her betrayal and eventually you will start to hate this kid. you may have good intentions now but believe me we are complicated beings. this will not be fair on the innocent kid SO quit while ahead. get rid of the pregnant cheater and move on. find someone who can remain faithful to you. i think you deserve it, don't you. you are not being the bigger man here, you are just being used ad a potential daddy and finance minister. spend your finances on your own one day. then that will be the price worth paying. but not for a cheater. and certainly not for her offspring.
you may think i am hard but such is life. run while you still can. you have been made a fool once, you will compound it by accepting the cheating gf with someone else's seed. be realistic!
A
female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (30 December 2009):
 lol I was reading one of the answers, if you ever got divorced ( even though you havent gotten married) you can't get stuck with child support unless you go through the legal proccess of adopting the child, you don't have to be put on the birth certificate either. A paternity test will prove that you most likely arent the father, esp if you are 100% its not your baby in the first place. Just thought id let u kno.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): You should always forgive but it doesn't mean you should stay in the situation.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (29 December 2009):
 Pack her bags and dump her off at the house of the guy she cheated with and tell him..."she's your problem now".
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A
male
reader, yussuf  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 Move on bro,she cheated and now she's prego and it ain't yours.
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (29 December 2009):
I can't believe this is even a question.
Dude! I would have been out the door months ago.
It has nothing to do with being a BIGGER MAN. (If that's what you want to call it)
"More like a Big Sucker to me."
Where's the guy she cheated with? (Is he around?)
"Dude useless you're a weak man that can't break lose from this bi*** Then so be it.
But if you have any type of will power.
"Get the hell out"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): well i maybe to young to give you an answer but i think its pretty chill to give a helping hand, i kno this seems a little cheesy and super lame but follow ur heart dude, if you feel its right then stay with her,
but again i might be a little to young for this so follow my advise or not.
peace
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A
female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (29 December 2009):
Well, I can tell you are being the "bigger man" in the situation, but at the same time you don't want to be taken advantage of. Right now I would treat each one as a different situation, because they are. She cheated. You need to figure out if you can still love her like you once did and try to reestablish trust to build up your relationship. Much easier said than done, it can take months, maybe years tobuild everything back up to what it was. Ask your self these questions. Is it worth it to you to fix the relationship? Do you still love her? Do you think she is willing to put 110% effort into your relationship and trying to somehow redeem herself? Does she love you? If you end up resloving the issue(somewhere down the road, most likely not right away), will you honestly and truthfully be able to forgive her? I'm not saying you cannot hold her accountable fr her actions, I'm just asking after everything is said and done can you really manage to forgive her. I can't tell you to be with her or not, thats your decision, but you need to make sure that you can still be with her after everything thats happened. As for the baby... first of all are you sure its not yours? I know its pretty obvious if its not, most people know when theyve had sex and when they haven't, I'm just trying to cover all bases here. If the baby isn't yours and you decide to keep baby and be daddy, you have to make sure that you won't take the fact the the baby is biologically not yours out on the baby. By this I mean you can't treat the child differently than you would your own biological child. Would you be able to accept this? Can you do it? You would be raising the baby, babies have no concept of who they are related to, only the person that cares for them, so if you cared for this baby you would ultimately be daddy in the baby's mind. So this really would be your child. You would be raising he/she under your roof with your rules, priciples, and morals. Don't think 15 years later when they start talking back to you and getting an attitude, that it would be different if you had been their biological father. Get what I mean? lol. However if you can't look that baby in face without thinking that you are not the real father, and you won't be able to raise he/she the same as you would one of your own, then you shouldn't try to. You don't want to make regrets for yourself or for the child ot regret you later. Adoption is always another option, I don't know what you and your girlfriend are considering, but it s just another idea to keep in mind if you feel you will not be able to be a father of this child because it was created by infidelity. I know you will do what you think is right for yourself, your girlfriend, and the baby. I send my condolences and hope that you are able to salvage and save your relationship. The best wishes to you, you are a good man for standing by her side. Good Luck, I hope you can work things out.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 Very tough situation. Bear in mind that any child is a huge undertaking requiring huge reserves of patience, love and energy - sleepless nights and changing diapers. I have friends who have phenomenal relationships with children from their wive's previous relationships but that is not as hard as the situation that you are in. You have to look deep within yourself. It would be worse for the child if you were to hang around for a while and then walk out after he or she has begun to bond with you or if you are going to feel bitterness when you look at "your" son or daughter.
I don't think that anyone would say that you are looking stupid for trying to make it work but you really would have to be a big man to see it through and give this child the love that it needs. I'm not sure that I could do it. IF you do this I hope that your girlfriend realises that you're a hero and treats you incredibly from here on in.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): My man i got cheated on once we are still tryin 2 work it out its been 9 mnths nw its jst neva the same. so my advice 2 u is run as fast as you can in opposite directions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): I think you are a man with honor by trying to make this work. I know I'm a bit young and probably not the best for advice, but I can tell that you have feelings for her and that they run deep enough for you to try. Keep trying, I say. If she cheats again and gets pregnant again I would reconsider, but right now, it sounds like you have a chance and it might make her see that you are better than whoever knocked her up. I wish you luck.
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