A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright, so here's my story. I've been going out with my current boyfriend for about five months now and he claims he doesn't like being touched by other people, sexually of course. I think he finds it uncomfortable.He likes it when I grind against him, and will give me all the pleasure I want, I just can't give him any.Is there any way I could try to loosen him up to try something new or let me touch him? Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, flowerpotkid  +, writes (27 April 2009):
try talking it over with him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): yes try a massage - get him to his underwear and see how you get on with an all over massage and see how he is then. don't necessarily touch anywhere around genitals, just everywhere else. Make it slow and tender, use oil.
thats what i would try as a first step.
Hugs, Star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): talk to him on why he doesn't. and talk to him about how you feel, that you would like to pleasure him to. he may have a reason for this. i think its a case of getting to know him better as a person, like whats his weaknesses. you could even talk to him about his sexual fantasies and see if your up for full filling them, that might make him relaxed.
sorry if its no help. X
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A
female
reader, say_anything +, writes (27 April 2009):
 i suppose it depends why he feels uncomfortable with physical contact. two ideas i had were that either something negative happened to him in the past to cause him to feel like this or it could be a self-esteem problem perhaps?
if it turns out to be something in the past, like a bad experience with an ex where he was embarrassed, felt inadequate or suffered pain or discomfort somehow, maybe he needs to talk to someone about it to put his worries at rest?
if it's a self-esteem problem and he's worried about his body, what you'll think of him or how he'll react to physical stimulation maybe you should try discussing it with him and reassuring him that you love and respect him and he's safe to be himself and be intimate with you.
however it's hard to suggest any definite tactics as i don't know him, obviously, and it is a personal and delicate issue.
good luck & best wishes, sorry i couldn't help more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): I wouldn't push it. If this guy is really uncomfortable with physical affection this long into your relationship, and won't receive any sort of affection from you, I would guess that he has a bit of an issue and needs to sort things out for himself.
You never know, maybe he was abused when he was younger, maybe he is fighting some demons you don't know about. But to want to give pleasure and not receive it is strange, especially if it's bothering you so much.
Maybe gently try to move past his hang ups, but I don't know if anything other than therapy can help something like this.
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