A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy 5 months ago, we've been dating ever since. He is older than me but that's not an issue, the time we spend together is amazing. I'm starting to have feelings for him and I'm a little scared because I really don't know if he is looking to have something serious, it looks like it but I'm not sure. I've met his kids, he's met mine, he's very involved in my life, what I mean is that I've had some issues and he's been there to help, he gave me a Pandora bracelet for Valentines with heart charms in it, but I don't know if that's a sign or not. I think it is to early to have a serious conversation but I really would like to know if I should let my feelings grow or just try to put a stop to them until I'm sure. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Are you two exclusively dating as basically a relationship? Would you say you're boyfriend/girlfriend?
Serious talk as in you're in this for the long haul? If he was just in it for the sex, or to just have a girlfriend, then he wouldn't have introduced you to his kids, much less have bought you that bracelet. In fact, he wouldn't have gotten anything for V-day, maybe a card, cheesy stuffed animal at the most.
He has already displayed signs of seriousness in this relationship so far. It's up to you whether you want to have that talk or not. From the way things are going, it doesn't seem necessary. Just go with the flow..and enjoy it.
A
male
reader, Anonymousmale1 +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Five months is a long time when you think about the amount of time you've wasted in the event he's not serious. It is also not wise to introduce men into the lives of your children at such an early stage, especially if you are not sure where the relationship is heading.You can easily find out how he feels by being an adult and simply asking. Start by dropping the "Serious conversation" from your language and consider it a "simple conversation." You may not know it, but whenever women say "serious" to men we tend to recoil. Its the same as when you say, "we need to talk", men don't receive these words very well.If you're not sure how to initiate the conversation, you may want to try this: Back away from him for a bit. Stop calling him and being at his beckon call. When he contacts you, inform him that you are busy and that you'll contact him later, but don't.One of two things will happen: (1) He'll stop calling and will not show up to see what the hell is going on. Which means that the relationship meant nothing to him and you were right, he wasn't looking for something serious.Or (2), after a few days he'll arrive at your door demanding what the hell is going on! If this one occurs you'll know that he is serious about about having a relationship with you. If this occurs then you take this moment to inform him that you were not sure where the relationship stands and that it is important for you before you move forward to know exactly how he feels and where the relationship is headed. Then you'll get your answers without being uncomfortable.I wish you luck and I hope things work out for you both.P.S. Trust me, he'll do number 2, good women are hard to find and you appear to be a great catch.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 He's probably feeling reserved about his feelings as well. I think you can express your feelings more subtly whereas when you start a serious conversation you put each other on a pedestal. When the time comes like you are driving together you can mention about condos or houses, like where you like to live without talking about the US part yet. You can tell him what kind of relationship you are looking for. What you like to do when you come home. Express more of yourself and let him make the choice whether to be with you long term or not. I do feel 5 months is very fast but he seems to be very serious about you. You just want to make sure this is not a dream, or something too good to be true. I think a light conversation would work better than a serious conversation.
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