A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's been 4.5 months since my boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me. He's my first bf. My life's back to normal, I've been meeting new people, got a new hobby and loving it, going out with friends and having fun.I know I don't love him anymore, but from time to time, I thought how I might have screwed up and caused him to break up with me in the end. He broke up because "we are comfortable but it doesnt mean it's gonna go anywhere" and "he's been thinking for a few weeks and I am getting obsessed"I just felt so stupid, embarrassed and cringed at moments that I screwed up. I wasnt happy with him from time to time play with his phone when hanging out together, sometimes for really long, since I am always the one going all the way to his place, but I never said anything. One month before BU, I have lightly mentioned it's better if we not spend time together instead of him playing his phone. A few days later on friday, he took out his phone said to me "well we are not talking", which made me feel like he's deliberately making fun of what I said before. I snapped at him "how old are you? there are bettter thing to do than playing games". Then after dinner I sorta "dragged" him to a bar (I asked him about having a drink on that morning because I had a bad week but instead to telling me if he didnt want to, he asked me if I wanna go to a few places with him to help him get things fixed, which I did) I drunk rambled about my bad week and 1-2 things he did that week that I didnt like. Next day, I apologized by calling him, then through text since I felt really bad, for being offensive and also the drunk rambling, and he replied "so u admit u are a bitch"on sunday, I decided to talk to him about the phone thing because I realized if I didnt then I might snap again and be angry with him and he didnt know why, which isn't fair to both of us. He is defensive about talking like "we are not talking about shit" In the end I did and he's pissed because he didnt want to talk and I ruined his friday and now the weekend (went to his house but then cried before I could talk to him- I couldnt help it :/), I dont need to come, he can do whatever he wants and I shouldn't date and this is not fun. Things went back to normal, he's texting me everyday and initiating hang-outs for 2 weeks, though I did bicker for 1-2 lines while we were texting and he said "you need to relax"/"drama queen". Now I looked back at the stuff I bickered about, I realized they are not that much of a big deal.It's not like I still love him. Seeing him or his facebook is fine, they dont trigger me. I've been at the same event with him twice and talked to him a bit and I am totally fine. It's just sometimes at night or when I saw words like "drama queen" "crazy bitch" "supportive", I will be thinking of all the stupid things that I have done, such as the drunk rambling, that time I made us talk but then I cried in front of him (drama queen) which might have caused the break up.Why is it so hard to completely get over a relationship?
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female
reader, HU(wo)MAN  +, writes (8 June 2015):
It's hard because you cared about him, and this is your first experience. Luckily, it can be a learning experience. It takes time though, as much time as you need. It is natural to look back and criticize your own actions, only do this to learn and grow. It is a good sign that you were able to chat with him at some events. That tells me that you really are moving on. Don't beat yourself up about how it ended or how you behaved. You're young and entitled to make mistakes.
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