A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive recently been getting close to a guy I have known for a while. We have been flirting and I will admit that I like him a lot. He broke up with his ex before Christmas but he said that he didnt want me to be his rebound girl as it wouldnt be fair on me? What does this mean? Does he like me back, but doesnt want to ruin something that could be good, or is he trying to put me off?Im confused with guy speak! Help!
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female
reader, hzeu3v  +, writes (8 April 2010):
So I went through the same thing. I dated a guy who broke up with a girl from a long relationship and she is currently prego with his kid. She cheated and lied to him constantly. He was hurt badly by her. A few months later, after the broke up, he met me. He told me he wasn't ready and I kept pushing him and eventually fell for him. Low and behold he breaks up, 3 weeks ago, with me saying he isn't ready and its not fair to me. He told me he wants to try again, and that he means it, when he is ready and just needs time. I am giving him time and space. Yeah I miss him like hell, but there is absolutely nothing you can do but be patient and see how it goes.... If you care about him, BE PATIENT!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): this guy is one of the genuine, nice men out there. one we all hope to find. please stop worrying and just remain as friends. i meet a man back in january who is currently going through a divorce. i had been a very happy single woman for two years and now feel ready to take dating to the next level and look for a man who could be potential relationship material.
i fell for this men very quickly. we talked briefly early on about his separation, and i asked why on earth he wanted to date only 6 months into the split. he assured me he was ready. so i had two choices: 1.trust what he says and give this a go. 2. walk away because i AM going to be rebound girl.
i chose 1. it started off great because he said all the right things to me. talked about planning holidays and spending every other weekend together. he even wanted me to meet his two small children which i decided against because i don't think you should lie to kids.
in the last couple of weeks, even though this guy still calls me every day and we chat, i sense a distance between us now and a 'cooling' on his part. he doesn't seem as excited about seeing me as i feel OR as he used too '4 sleeps to go!!'. there are no more cheeky texts during the working day either.
i have fallen for this guy and i have realised it can't work right now because i get the feeling he doesn't really know what he wants. i have asked directly 'do you want me around' and he says yes of course. and why wouldn't he? he gets sex, an ear to listen and a boast to his confidence.
believe me, these are not healthy attributes to a new relationship. i am now preparing to see him this weekend and tell him that i am leaving him be. how do you finish with someone who is so fragile??
so, cherish your friendship with this man. lead your own life now and let things develop slowly and naturally between the two of you. it will take a lot of time. but the best things are worth waiting for. patience is a real virtue.
good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, I was just worried it was some sort of code for him not returning the feelings.
I am just scared he is saying no to ever having a relationship, and trying to let me down gently.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 February 2010):
 It means exactly what he said - I dont know how else you could interpret it?!
I'll try some other ways of saying it, maybe this will help:
- He is not over his ex
- He is not ready for a relationship
- The break-up is still very fresh in his memory and does not want another relationship right now
- He does not want to use you
- He does not want to hurt you
- He does not want to lead you on
- He does not want to give you the wrong idea
- He does not want a girlfriend right now
- He is not ready for a committed relationship
I hope that gives you some idea! Basically this guy is being really good to you and it is nice to see a guy being so honest for once! He doesnt want to hurt you because clearly he knows you like him, but he just cannot give you what you want right now. He is not ready for a relationship, so all he would be ready for is casual sex or something like that (hence why it would be a rebound). He doesnt want to get emotionally involved with you because he is not ready for that, so he would only end up using you for sex and then hurting you because he could not return the same feelings that you have for him.
Best to just be friends for now and give him some space so he can get over his ex.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 February 2010):
It means that he's not over the break up and doesn't want to commit to any woman at this time. He's doing you a big favour and has been very honest, which means he's a decent guy. If he comes back in a few months, and is over his ex, then maybe something will happen. But he has been honest and is basically saying he is not ready yet. Give him time.
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