A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 32 Christian male, single (and have always been) and still a virgin. All my friends are getting married and I feel left behind. I've never been very out-going and this "no-sex-before-marriage" thing is engrained in me but recently getting depressed about this. I'm considering going to Amsterdam to lose my virginity.What should I do? Should I do this?
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male
reader, OklahomaDan  +, writes (11 January 2009):
I am 35 and a virgin by choice. I think you will regret it after holding out this long. I struggle sometimes and when I tell people, even close friends that I have never had sex, they think I am lying. I made a promise to God, that I am going to keep. I have done many things I regret, and I am not about to add one more regret. Sex is just sex, but finding a soul mate and giving them the gift of your true love on their wedding night will be worth the wait....Don't be discouraged, God's got someone for you... If you feel bad about the way you look, change things... Body for Life is an excellent program that helps build confidence. Get a new hair style, like a military buzz, join a singles group at church and do things with them. Pray, because the word says Nothing is impossible for those who know the Lord!!! Nothing is impossible for those who know the Lord!!! NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE for those who KNOW THE LORD!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): you should meet with each other
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): I am also a single Christian 32 year old FEMALE who is still a virgin. I am in the exact same situation and I am struggling like you. I even have offers from men to perform oral sex on me. And trust me ... I am tempted.
But I can't shake one thing .... I know in the deepest part of my core that God does not want that for me. Moreover, when the feeling of depression and the sexual urges feel like they are taking over you must NOT succumb. Stop for a minute and recognize that you are under attack ... that means your blessing is right around the corner and the devil is trying very hard to make sure you don't get it. So I will pray for you and myself in this struggle. Your strength is in Jesus Christ ... seek Him ... He will make a way. Be blessed. Angel
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): Don't do it, save it for some one you truly love. Losing your virginity should be something specal that you will cherish forever. You would regret loosing it to some one you don't know. Ask some one out start something with some one and when you find the one then you'll know right?Personally I think that this depression your trying to banage with doing this will eventully seep through and make it ten times worse.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (7 October 2008):
 While "extending your beliefs" a bit would probably benefit you, I wouldn't go so far as to totally abandoning them. The next time that you are asked by someone that you know relatively well, consider saying Yes (with history and a condom) instead.
I think that deciding to lose it in Amsterdam would be a bit too much to wrap your mind around, if your have held your virginity for so long. I can only think that it would lead you to regret it. Amsterdam (speaking as a person who lived there for 9 years) is just another cosmopolitan city. Like many others, it has a thriving underside, but the majority of people who are participating in the racy bits have come from abroad, so you really are exposing your health if you are just rushing into things. Most of the people who smoke pot in the streets in Amsterdam don't even realize that it is a public offense to do so, because they are tourists. My point is, fantasy isn't all it's cracked up to be, and it generally isn't reality. Reconsider jumping in to something that you may have serious regrets over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): Don't do it. Up until a couple of months ago I was a 27 year old virgin. I lost my virginity to somebody who I thought would cherish me. We are both faithful Catholics and I didn't think he would hurt me but he did. He basically used me for sex. I feel stupid and horrible that I gave up my virginity to the wrong person. Don't do the same.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 October 2008):
 Sir. You are not an alien on the wrong planet. There is someone for you out of many possibilities even if you are not "very out-going" or the best looking or whatever. You are still young and I agree with others that a good Christian young man can do better than resorting to a prostitute for his first most intimate experience with a woman.
My best advice is to begin thinking differently about yourself. Being a bit more "out-going" is not an insurmountable problem - and add a bit of confidence. For the first part, start looking into the eyes of every woman you see, whether older or younger, and hold your head up. Do not glare or stare, just look directly at the eyes (at least briefly) even when you approach or pass someone in a store or on the street. With at least a slight and pleasant smile, offer a nod or little greeting as you encounter any woman. We do this in Texas because most of us here we are friendly at heart, but it helps anyone become more sociable.
Now an important point - on occasion, if you look directly at a young woman and at least nod with a little smile - she will look back at your eyes and hold the gaze. Do NOT look away! Stop walking. Add a bit more smile and say something like, "Good afternoon young lady." Hold the look and be pleasant.
See what happens - maybe she will walk away, but maybe not. If she smiles back, even shyly, and responds at all - force yourself to approach just one step and SAY SOMETHING ! Anything, such as "Nice day. Are you ______?"
You can fill in the blank with most anything.
There are many other tips about becoming more confident and outgoing, but one other suggestion. You say that some of your friends have been getting married. Well . . . that means that their wives have friends, and some of those friends are single and available young women. Do I need to explain how this situation can be a golden opportunity for meeting women?
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (6 October 2008):
 Yes, girls love guys in their 30's!! (I do any way)
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 October 2008):
 Don't do it. Why?
Because you will soon find that at the age you are entering into (your thirties), finding women that want to marry you gets much easier. Trust me on this one.
Just keep clean and try to hold down a steady job and you will do fine :)
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (6 October 2008):
Don't do it, you'll regret it. If you are a Christian, this is a sin and you know it.
I am sure the depression is getting to you as Emily said below. I also get depressed that all of my friends are getting married and having children and I'm not even engaged - it obviously isn't my time though.
If you trust in God, believe in Him, and pray, I am sure he will bring a lovely girl your way very soon, but don't go to Amsterdam for a quick fix. It would also suck if you were given an STD from a woman that you don't know and will never see again when you only had sex once. What a shame that would be!
If you are really desperate, go to a dating website such as Match.com ... I wouldn't normally recommend this, but I honestly do know a girl that I used to work with who found her soul mate on that web-site and they are now married and still together.
Good luck my friend - do not commit a sin in Amsterdam, that will not make God happy, you'll find your woman! I will pray for you. :)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 October 2008):
If you have waited this long to meet the right person then I imagine that going out and having sex with a prostitute in Amsterdam will just make you feel dirty and fill you with regret.
Is this really you talking? Or the depression making you look for a quick fix?
It can be depressing when all your friends pair off and look at you with pity for your single ways.
What I suggest if you are lonely is getting out there and meeting new people. Take up a new hobby or sport and join a club.
Get some new friends who you can go out and have fun with and you never know, you might meet someone special while you are at it.
Good Luck!! xx
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