A
male
age
41-50,
*illy7
writes:Hello everyone, I'll get straight to the point. Im a 30 year old virgin, dont know how but i am. Its sad and im ashamed of it. I get nervous when im close to women, i feel i have no experience.Im average looking, workout in the gym alot, got a good body, my face is average, im not ugly but not im not very good looking either. Im been rejected by women all my life, im an honest nice guy - ive tried everything but everytime i try with a girl either shes got a boyfriend, or will lead me on and not take it further, flirt with me and then say no when i ask her out or just reject me straight away.I tried talking to so many girls in my life - random girls on the street,shops etc, girls at work, on social networking sites, joined dating websites but nothing. I keep thinking the right one will come along but im 30years old and i havent found one. I dont have any friends, i have accquaintances but not friends, everyone seems to think i have many girlfriends and im very successful with women because im very friendly, confident and independant but its only because of all the rejection ive had to put up with in my life thats given me in a strange way alot of confidence more so in the last couple of years but still i havent got a girlfriend. I see guys 20 times uglier than me without a personailty being dumb as nails and still have a girlfriend. Ive been actively trying since i was 16 now im 30 thats 14 years. I hate going to clubs/pubs, ive got a such a high sex drive that everytime i see some tits or ass - i start to get hard so you can imagine what hell ive been thru all my life. I cant focus on anything because all i want is to have a woman. Ive been looking on adultwork and found one girl i liked and gave her a call, she seemed very nice on the phone and we straight away hit it off and we spoke for a while on the phone. Shes 28 and seems really nice and i feel I really want to go and see her. what should i do? i desparetely want to hold a woman but at the same time if i lose my virginity to her - my future wife/girlfriend if at all i ever get one wont respect me or might be put off by what ive done?What choice to i have? i dont have money - im poor ive just about scraped enough to see this escort for an hour but i feel time is running out im already 30 and soon i'll be 40. I havent had sex, its ok for you guys whove got girlfriends/wife's and lost your virginity at a young age, have had plenty of sex to tell me - keep waiting and trying but you dont have a clue what im going thru and what hell im living thru. This is almost like having a disability and its now affecting every part of my life. Anyway thanks for reading such a long a boring note by myself. I dont have any one to talk to about this.I hope someone can give me some good advice.I wish you all the best. Thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LukeDuke  +, writes (8 June 2011):
It amazes me you have had such strength. It is nothing to be ashamed of!
Being a virgin is scared. A woman would appreciate your circumstance and if you choose to hold out, she will. If she doesn't she is not the right one to take your virginity.
I personally think you should hold out. Indeed there is nothing wrong with getting an escort. However, losing your virginity is one of those things you will NEVER forget. So if you have no qualms with losing it to someone that you do not love, nor care for, I say do it. But remember it will weigh on your mind especially when miss right comes along. I have known many guys who have went to escorts and the next day they are physically fulfilled, but emotionally they have regret beyond words.
My experience, stop looking for love or sex and it will smash you in the face when you least expect it.
Also you may need to take a long look into what is stopping from you from finding a girl friend. There are a lot of factors that play into what women find to be attractive. Looks are not the only thing women look for. What is your attitude like? Are you full of yourself? That is the numbering thing I find unattractive about a man. Do you have a good sense of humor? It is important to make a woman smile. Do you know how to approach a woman? Are you scared to approach a woman? Watch people around you and how they interact with each other. Do you up an impentratable gaurd? Are you picky about women? There is always a cause to why something doesn't fall into place.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): Hey, speaking as a man of about your age, in more or less the same situation, I say you should go for it. I plan to do so myself, but am still in the stage of scraping money together. Just be safe about it.
In my experience, the people who say "it will happen for you when the time is right" just don't understand. Being a virgin at age 30, I don't believe it's a good thing to go around blindly hoping that one day some woman will finally love you. Forget that, time to move on. Just learn to respect yourself and be happy with the way things are. Get escorts when you can to satisfy your physical needs, and don't let anyone tell you there's anything wrong or shameful about it.
Just my advice, as someone who is going through the same thing and has learned to be happy with myself anyway.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (1 June 2011):
 My ex husband lost his virginity to a hooker. He said it was the biggest and most unpleasant mistake of his life.
I was not put off that he was not a virgin....I was dissapointed in HOW he lost it. He hated the experience.
Sex SHOULD BE FUN!!! It is MUCH better with someone who genuinely cares for you...and is wiling to teach you the ropes:)
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, Anniebeth  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Dont feel alone ive been a single mom since i was 17 i havent had sex in 9 years but dont feel ashamed your note isnt boring either and never pay for sex even if you havent had it dont feel you have to pay for it your first time NO matter what age should be with someone you love or someone special time will come and you will find someone your a great person to come here and tell in confidence this just pray your special person will come and hey your only 30 there some virgins who are 60 now and a 105 year old woman called Clara Meadmore never had sex your time will come and best of luck with your future :)
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Wow...this is just unfortunate. You sound like such an amazing person and I can completely understand what you're going through. You know its unfair that there is so much pressure on people to have sex and lose their virginity...virginity IS really seen by many as a loss of opportunity, and not dignity!!
I know this isint really what you want to hear right now, but please dont give up hope. What's your social circle like? You dont need to be rich or anything to socialize and go out and meet people. Losing your virginity to an escort isint really the answer here, because its not the solution to your problem. You dont seem like the sorts who would even go ahead with the escort idea, because lets face it, if you had to, you would have in all these years. You've done a great job in saving yourself for the right girl, and it WILL happen. Please dont lose hope.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): I can understand your concerns about losing your virginity to an escort. There has to be a better way!
Don't feel sorry for yourself though because it is just sex. No one has died. Just be brave and try talking to women about your virginity. Don't keep it a secret or be ashamed of it. Once you start to talk to them about it, i am sure you wont be a virgin for long. Some kind and loving soul will help you out. We don't bite you know!
If you are going around with the weight of this 'big secret' on your shoulders it will affect how you come across to women and get in the way of things. So start talking but i wouldn't mention 'tits and asses' to them. It can be quite off putting to the ladies if they know you are getting off on looking at other womens bits and pieces.
So save your escort money and ask someone you like and trust, out for a meal instead. Then gather up your courage and confide in her about your lack of experience. Once your secret is out you will find things will sort themselves out for you in no time. You just have to be brave and talk about it other wise you will never get laid unless you pay for it. That would be the sad thing, not being a virgin! We all start out that way, so you aren't alone there, just lagging behind a little. It is time to start REALLY talking to women if you want help with this issue.
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Hey.
This sounds really complicated and you sound like a really nice guy. But sometimes these things just happen. And I'm gonna say it. Kill me if you want but I'm saying it. It WILL happen. Don't rush these things. I know you've been waiting 14 years but seriously it will happen.
My friend is 28. Been a single mother for 8 years. No boyfriend. No sex. No nothing. So since January she has had 4 boyfriends and now she's engaged. Who knew? And believe me she was one horny thing. But what I'm saying is she waited, and now she's happy and settling down. I've been single for 5 years. That's including no sexual contact. But i know it will happen. And that's what you gotta keep thinking. Don't pay for sex. Please. It's a waste of money and it won't satisfy you after you're done. You never know where or when you're gonna bump into someone. It could be at the gym, or asda or a fast food place. It'll happen. Just wait a little longer. And friends are overrated. Just get a few Facebook friend's and you'll be fine. Opening up to people you don't know or haven't met can sometimes be an amazing thing =)
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