A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend and i split up about 3 and half years ago. we were engaged and living together. i havent moved on yet but she has had a few casual boyfriends and one serious one she lives with and is expecting his baby, i think they been together 2 years. i still love her and think lots about her but i know she doesnt feel the same . is there any hope for me , i have tried dating other people but nothing serious .. why...?
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engaged, move on, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, called Steve +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Judging by what you are saying - you live nearby and maybe friends, family are constantly reminding you of what you had thinking you may be genuinely interested.You need to advise them that you dont care and for them please to stop telling you - it is obviously eating at you inside.Stop the wallowing in your self pity and get up of your bottom and do something positive. Go out, get some new clothes. Even mov eout of the area if that is possible.You are emotionally punishing yourself for whatever reason, but by making a clean break you should be able to release yourself from this doomed relationship with your Ex.You need to make an emotional and maybe physical break - the sooner the better - in my opinion you dont need therapy you just need to grasp the nettle and go out and find a life without her.Regards - Steve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): I have a little trick for you. I am going through the same thing, but the man I loved cheated on me, so it was my choice to end it. But anyway, here is the trick.
Everytime you find yourself thinking of her immediately switch your thoughts to writing a short story about any topic. You can write it in your head. For example, something as simple as the experience of a walk, or breakfast.
Soon you will find your creative energy and stop the vicious cycle of redundant thinking.
Trust me, it really works and it is so much fun.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (16 March 2010):
 I'm really sorry for the pain that you are feeling. Its so terrible when we lose someone that we really loved and we just can't seem to move on. I am going through the same thing as you, I dated a man for 8 years, lived together, talked of marriage, and just a little over a year ago he decided he "needed space", and asked me to move out. I can't say that I have gotten over it, because I still miss him terribly, and still cry, and I haven't dated anyone else, I can't even think of doing so....YET..but eventually I will be able to do so. I've always healed very slowly after breakups, I just can't jump up and move on and start dating again..I've tried it and it doesn't work for me..just makes me even more miserable. And I'm not young, I'm 48, have been married/divorced twice and never felt this kind of pain/loss. Some of us really do need more time to recover from such a breakup, but I have to be honest with you..perhaps its time to seek out the advice of a counselor? 3 years is such a long time sweetie to be mourning over someone who has moved on. It can't be pleasant for you...not at all. I know eventually I will be ok, and so will you! And of course there is hope for you! But why not seek out someone who might be able to give you ways of coping and moving on?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): Sadly it is one of lifes issues that some of us have difficulty moving on. I am only 9 months since my wife left me with 29 years invested and I too feel that I cannot move on. Unlike you I have not been able to find anyone to date which makes the matter worse.
Just keep on going 'she' has gone and you must let go. Can you go for some counselling as I am sure this action might help you come to terms with things.
Love / relationships are never equal and never work out as we plan or hope they will. Try to look for ew interests and hobbies. Set out to undertake something entirly new to yhou and outside your comfort zone you may find that a new focus can help this cause.
Finally new relationships will not work out while you still harbour desire for your ex. They may fail to work as you are not commited to move on. Think it is your that is passing by not hers-what has gone you cannot get back?
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Mate she's gone gone gone. Please go and see a therapist so you can work through these issues with someone who isn't emotionally involved with you. Pinning for someone who obviously doesn't give you a second thought is destructive. Join some clubs too and meet some new people. You need to broaden your walls.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Every one is different, it takes time to get over the hurt of a break up.
You probably are not succeding in your new dates because you have your ex on your mind.
Try to focus on other things in your life, take up a new hobby or sport.
As I say every one is different, it took me 6 months to get over a 3.5 year relationship, but I am now with a woman who appreciates me for who I am.
There will be someone out there for you, never give up searching. You will get over this but you have to try and focus on other things.
Try on-line dating, see if that gets you anywhere.
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A
male
reader, CharmedNoodles +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Well my friend,it may seem you are in deep love and it also seems she is unattainable because she is expecting a baby for a guy she is still with. I am not saying there is no hope, all I am saying is, call her, tell her how you feel and who knows, maybe there might be a chance she feels the same way. Just don't want too long, it may get to the point where you may loose her forever.
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A
male
reader, freddyfred +, writes (16 March 2010):
 well all i have to say to that is, move on man. shes pregnent and 3 years went by. u can do it you can give your love to someone who needs it more then her. i loved someone and they passed me up 10 years later she tells me what do u think of us getting together? that was the best thing i heard but you know what i said? i said sorry but its to late for that. i felt so good after i said that. You should just move on
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