A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, me and my partner split up about 3 weeks ago and he has already moved on, we split due to rumours of me cheating, when in the end found out he was the one cheating. althought he cheated on me and has hurt me so much by getting with someone else so fast, i still love him and hes all i can think of. iv tryed keeping busy, by getting more hours in work and when im not in work going out with the girls but hes all i can think of, most nights i cant sleep and just cry wishing he was here. its really getting me down, i have cut all contact and dont see him but still cant move on. my friends have said that one day ill just wake up and be over him, but how am i suppose to do this when he is on my mind all the time and wanting him here, please help or suggest something hate feeling like this and dont know what to do please help ??
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cheated on me, move on, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your answers,
i understand he cheated but appart from the end of our realtionship it was great, we clicked straight away and told each other everything. it feels i have lost a friend to as when i was upset he was the one i use to phone and he was the one who cheered me up, feel i have no one to talk to as dont want to keep on to my friends about it. it feels i cant get no better when iv been out with the girls and boys have came up to me i just ignored them as i just want him.
sorry for moaning on, and thank you for all your answers :)
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (1 June 2011):
Like everyone else has said, do give yourself some time. But having gone through it myself, I know how painful and unpleasant it can be. I spent a few weeks barely eating and crying my eyes out. On the other hand, I did try to distract myself with tv shows and movies and what not. I would inevitably still think about the break up and him and still cry, but it would happen less than if I was actually completely thinking about it. Another suggestion I have is to reflect about the relationship. Think about all the negative things about your partner and the relationship. Think about why the break up happened (ie what was wrong). Think about whether this has clarified anything to you about what you want in a partner. Think about what you might not tolerate in future relationships, and how you would do things differently. I know you really love him right now, but if you think about it, he doesn't really sound all that great (you broke up because he thought you were cheating, and he was the one that was). And when I finally found myself getting towards the end of being really sad, I found it really helpful to make outward changes. I always ALWAYS cut my hair after a break up. I think it's because I feel like I'm changing my life, and the hair cut is a physical thing that shows that I'm making changes. I also dress up a little more, get out there, and feel good that if a cute guy flirts with me, I can feel free to flirt right back. I start getting back into the single life and appreciate just how fun it can be.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 June 2011):
 It has only been 3 weeks, stop beating yourself up for feeling this way! How you are feeling now is totally normal, in fact it would be bad if you were over him already and were not feeling sad! It is very important that you go through this process where you think about him a lot, feel sad, cry...etc as this is part of the healing process.
Your friends are right, in time you will get over him. I dont know how long you were together, but that will also have an impact. If you had only been with him 3 months it would be quicker to get over him than say if you had been together for 3 years. All you have to do is be patient, and dont get annoyed with yourself for feeling this way.
You have to simply sit back and tell yourself it is ok to think about him, its ok to cry and its ok to be sad over it. It is like greiving over a death, you wouldnt expect someone who had lost a loved one to be over their death in 3 weeks would you? It is a very similar process and in a way, a similar situation. You have cut contact with him which is a good thing, but obviously that means that he is no longer in your life at all, almost like he has died.
So give yourself some time to feel crappy and down about it, dont sit there thinking it is wrong to feel like this and something needs to be done about it. All you can do is allow your emotions to come out, crying is very good for you rather than bottling everything up inside and pretending you're ok. It might take a few months, maybe even years, or it might be a few more weeks....I cant tell you how much longer you will feel this way but the most important thing to remember is that you wont feel this way forever.
Right now - it is good that you are feeling this way as you are healing, and this is part of the moving on process. Give it some time and be patient, and eventually you will see slight improvements. You will find the crying might stop in a few weeks, but the missing him and thinking about him will continue. It is small steps at a time I'm afraid, breaking up with someone you love is never easy and will never feel good. It takes a lot of time to get over something like this so you just have to accept that there is no quick fix and these feelings will stick around for a while longer.
Keep your chin up in the knowledge that this wont last forever, keep yourself busy with work and friends like you are already doing.....and never feel bad because you are upset, it is perfectly normal and natural, and part of the moving on process.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 my girlfriends and I always had a 6 week rule.
you can have 6 weeks after a break up to wallow in misery then life has to go on...
what i found helps me is to write write write. I write letters I never send Journal entries I never post, emails I delete... never send to the one you are dying for, it's more for you to heal.
i wear no makeup so I can cry at will...
think of him... you will find that slowly one day it will be a little better... then the next day a bit less thinking of him... and finally one day you get to bed and realize you did not think of him at all that day.... it's not a sudden thing....
you can't force it. so you need to allow yourself to mourn your loss
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