A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend now for about a year and a half. Stuff lately hasn't been going so well, but it seems like we always have the same problems over and over again. I blame myself for a lot of the stuff because it always seems like it's me having issues with something and then I tell him and we used to be able to just talk it out but now he tells me he just doesn't care. He tells me that we repeat the same stuff over and over again, and it's true we do. I've come to realize that I find stuff wrong because I feel like I can't just be happy, I don't know why. Maybe someone could tell me? When things with us start to get good again, I'm afraid it'll go bad again and I find something wrong and it just goes back to square one. I feel like we take 3 steps forward and then we come right back to the beginning and it happens all over again. He's never really had any problems with me, or has worried over me or anything. I'm not sure how to stop what I do. I don't think it's normal, but I wish my boyfriend would care again. I've done so much that he tells me this stuff just doesn't really matter anymore and he's not sure what's going to happen with us anymore. He tells me he loves me, but I feel like if stuff we're to end, he wouldn't ever want to fight to get me back. I know he's really tired of it and I'd wish more than anything that'd he would care for me like he used to, but I know you can't make someone care. I'm not sure how to fix the stuff I do, because I've said sorry so much that it doesn't even mean anything anymore. I show him I care about him more than anything, and I've asked him to show me he cares but he says he's not sure how to show anymore than just saying he cares because of what everything has gotten to. I know I don't want to leave him. But how do I fix what I've done and hope someday that maybe he'll care again?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): Move somewhere and live with one another or at least set a date, then believe me he will care because you will show that you care. you have to nut up or shut up show him that you want to be with him its been nearly 2 years. Progression is important.
A
male
reader, The B man +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Continuing from my last comment, I know how you feel because I went through the same thing. Changing is HARD but it is very possable. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain but you can do it but BOTH you and your boyfriend NEED to be commited. You first need to get yourself straightened out and make yourself a comfident young women who has a hold of life and has many expeariences with multiple skills so you can hold your own in an conversation w/o repeating anything and not take any steps back.
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A
male
reader, The B man +, writes (9 July 2010):
In a situation like this, you need to take some time off and write an honest list of all the problems you can think of about yourself. From that point you can slowly work at the problems you have w/o forgetting what you need to work on. As for trying to get your boyfriend to 'worry' over you, you have to realize why he stopped. He probably stopped because, as you say, hes tired of going over the same thing. You need to exert yourself, get more active in your community so you have new stuff to talk about.
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