A
female
age
51-59,
*haron2000
writes:Sorry for the fashionable part of the title. I have a best bf in the world we got on great and have a super sex life. I have a few secret fantasies most of which i keep secret and would never even dream of trying or suggesting to him as sometimes a fantasy should remain as such! It seems that more than one of my friends have had threesomes with two men!! this came a quite a shock as it seems to be more common than i thought and they enjoy them and their men seem to have little or no problem with it. these people are not swingers as i understand that word. while this has been one of my secret fantasies should i bring it up with my bf? I would never want to force it or make him feel bad and i doubt i ever will but since so many of my friends seem to have done it perhaps i am the one being the prude? any advice from ladies who have been in same situation is welcome. I have read over many of the posts here and most seem to be from women who are being forced into it which makes me sick and feeling a bit guilty posting this. However basic question is it more common than i think and if so is there a way to find out without directly asking bf if it might be a possibility? i can think of one million downsides and most likely will not go beyond my own interest but interested to what others have to say!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): I would start by finding an "innocent" occasion where threesomes end up in the conversation. Like after there's a joke about it on TV or something. That could be a time to start prying a little.
After you're both already giggling about the subject first, get curious and ask him whether he'd rather do a 3sm with an extra girl on an extra guy, if he'd ever fantasized about, or if he knows people that are into it, etc. You could bring up the MMF stuff by letting him make some comment about wanting two chicks. (I'm sure he will make some comment like that even if it's only a joke. Even if he's not as into it as a FFM, I am sure he will still end up making a comment about having an extra chick in some way or another.) Then you could joke back like, "Hey, but are you gonna play fair and let ME broaden my selection too?" or something like that. Test the waters. Ask him if he's fantasized about it, not if he actually wants to do it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Me and a long term bf did this both with a male and female. The fantasy is better than the reality and wasnt worth the jealousy that lead to our break up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Well u don’t know if he would be into that kinda thing, he might be laying next to you with the same thought running through his mind. So what I would suggest is get some notty movies to watch, get some girl on girl, 2 guys one girl and obviuously 2 guys and 1 girl… while you watching ask him what he thinks about that, would he like that..? so many men and woman around the world cannot take the thought of seeing their man or woman with someone else, and ohers understand that its just SEX no feelings attached, so if you could just get the picture into his head and start talking he might be into that or would like to try it out, from my own personal experience 2 dudes are not half as hot as 2 girls and one guy LOL….
Good luck I hope it works out for you, just remember to play it cool and don’t seem to eager to have sex with another man, coz he might just feel that you are looking for something better something new. So play your cards right on this one.
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (2 March 2009):
 From a man's perspective, I think he may have some issues with it, just as you might if he came to you about having a threesome with another girl. I would definitely not approach him about a threesome with a girl thinking that he'll be guilted into saying yes to one with a man. It has nothing to do with double standards that may or may not exist, I can go on about that for awhile. I will just say that asking him for a 2 girl 1 guy situation is saying that you are ok with a) you being with another girl b) him being with another girl. While a 2 guy 1 girl situation is you ASKING him to allow you to be with another guy and ASKING him to be with another guy. Be the bigger part if you approached it that way is that you'd be going after your fantasy in a deceitful way.
As far as the threesome goes though, I think you may be better off keeping it a fantasy. Sometimes fantasies lose their luster once actually fulfilled and can bring upon lasting bad consequences afterwards. Like what if you fall for the other person or what if your bf falls for the other person? I think you already thought about all these millions of downsides and mentioned that they exist in your mind, I really don't think you have any upsides and are trying to find people to give them to you.. If you need us to tell you, then I think you are better off with going with what you think it is.. Since you said you have a million downside, it will lead me to believe that you are thinking against it.. Go with your gut.
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (2 March 2009):
I know you are looking for women's opinions (I think that's a good idea), but I thought I'd share a guy's.
It can be easier to bring up this kind of subject (say in bed) when you make a clear distinction between fantasies that turn you on, and things you'd actually like to do. My partner and I have discussed similar fantasies. Her arousal at the idea of me with another woman led to our use of that scenario in bed, and eventually led her to propose such an arrangement. Her distaste for the idea of being with another guy stopped that idea at the early fantasy stage.
The key is communication, and recognizing that some ideas can arouse us, that might be too risky for real life.
As to how common such encounters are, I suspect they are far more common than we think publicly, but still very much the exception on the whole and not without serious emotional/relationship risks.
And for what it is worth, the general advice I've read about threesomes is to enjoy them before you get into a committed relationship, due to the jealousy issues that often arise. (I turned down my partner's generous offer for that reason.)
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Anything is possible, and as for it being common, I think it is probably because it is more socially acceptable that people talk about it more openly.
Its not something that i would be comfortable with.
As for bringing the subject up with your bf, try mentioning if he would be interested in a 3some with another female involved, if he is interested in that, you can then say about a threesome with another male involved.....its my guess though that he will go for the threesome with the woman but not the man..thats double standards for you.
whatever you decide be safe!
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