A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, my boyfreind and i were together for one full year. I loved him sooo muuch. we broke up on December 20Th 2008 and actually i still love him. We broke up mutually, but reluctantly, because of my parents. they gave him the cold shoulder from the begining just because he had a misdemeaner and he had a poor family andno ambitions. he was just fettin by at the time. we eventualy were sneeking a round. then i started working full time and sneekeng around got harder. one day he asked me when i was going to move in with him, and i said i wasnt sure if would i weill move out with my friends though. that question somehow led to talkin bout how the relationship not movin forward. for th past six months were doin nothin but sneaking around. I had decided to start tellin my parrents the truth. A week later we break up thinking it's better to go our seperate ways. mybe show my parrents how responsible i can be and when i move out n start goin to school if i feel like callin him maybe we will get back 2gether.After 2 something months i i still know in my heart i love him and we love eachother. Im telling u I KNOW. DESPITE THE DEFRENCES. WE LOVE EACH OTHER. He may not have as much but i love him. there is a sayin from a movie that says"you can't help who You fall in love with. your not supposed to. when u love somebody you love them. Ain't no shame or blame in that" Should i talk too him stand up for what's right? should i stand up 2 my parents? should I go get him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Ok, you are NOT IN A MOVIE. Real life is not like the movies, get that straight right now, there are a lot of bad relationship examples shown in the movies with unrealistic outcomes and expectatios.....a famous line in a movie "You complete me" from Jerry Maguire.....no one completes anyone, a lasting relationship is made of two whole, mature people who are individuals that have made a conscious decision (that's right a decision, not an overwhelming feeling) to be worthy of love and put someone else's needs first, and to "do love" every day. Feelings are not enough, they are of course what we all want, cozy, warm, loving feelings, but those are NOT ENOUGH to make a relationship healthy and to create true and lasting love.
Your Parents are older, more experienced at life, have been your age before, have dated losers and broken up with them, have had their hearts broken before, have made mistakes in love and learned from them and they gave birth to you and they know you and have your best interests at heart.
Something tells me that YOU KNOW THIS, OK, YOU KNOW IT, otherwise you would not have been sneaking around with this guy who by your own description is a loser, he has a misdemeanor, he doesn't work, has no ambition and is from a poor family (no shame in being from a poor family, but there is a problem that he is not intelligent enough to rise above his upbringing and has a criminal past and no goals for the future and doesn't work).
He may want you to move in with him so he could mooch off of you and your parents (if they were going to help support you through school) and when you said, NO, but you will move in with your friends, then he dumped you....as there was nothing in it for him.....losers are like that.
I wouldn't stand up to your parents, what is there to stand up for? I wouldn't go after him, let him come after you, and ask yourself if he is good enough for you....is he a hard worker, does he regret what ever he did to get a misdemeanor and has he stopped what ever it was that got him into trouble? Does he give back to the community? Who are his friends? Does he have good relationships with other people besides yourself? What are his plans and dreams for the future? Is he a hard worker, a good student, or is he just a bad boy with good looks and a killer kiss?
Trust me, you need to focus on you, not him. Get busy building the life YOU want, and see if he can fit into that.....because you can help who you fall in love with, people do it every day, and you as a woman have the job of weeding out the numerous men who will come calling for you, and there will be another one along before you know it....are you sure you are going to take yourself out of the love market for this guy your parents know more about than you do because they aren't in Lust or in Love with him? Think.
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