A
female
age
36-40,
*oy britain
writes:I have been with my partner for just under two years.We live together, I love him and I am carrying his baby of 3 months.We just got back from a week getaway to reconcille our differences and took the laptop with us. On returning, one evening I decided to look up the history of all the websites my partner and I have visited just out of boredom and curiousity. This is when i was shocked to discover that not only has he been surfing nearly every pornographic website he had also joined Adultfriender website in March 2008. For those who don't know Adultfriender is a website for people who network purely for the purpose of meeting and having sexual relation. The most shocking thing was that he was even sending messages to potential sex partners during our getaway, I know this because i was able to check the dates that each website was visited and confirmed that he had sent messages while we at the hotel.So now I'm considering an abortion and ending the relationship, what are your suggestions??? What would you do???Many thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, cachristopher  +, writes (5 August 2009):
Well, my x-girlfriend left me at 3 months pregnant, she told me she loved me like a freind or brother which is crazy. But I surpported her decision.
A
male
reader, PoliticalyLawful +, writes (21 July 2008):
You shouldn't let a unborn child die because of your husband, if you really don't want to bring a baby into your family yet you can always consider adoption.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): yeah..if he does this now to you..when you are 3 months worse. It's only going to get worse taking care of a child. Also you're trust in him is gone and deep down you know he's not the one for you. Get rid of him because he will bring you down and hold you back. As for your child. 3 months is tough to have an abortion. Please consider other alternatives as adoption..or being a single mom.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): He sounds to me what might be termed a reluctant father-to-be. Maybe you'd be better off without him if he's that lacking in commitment.
One other question I have to ask is did you accidentally-on-purpose get pregnant, knowing that he was against the idea?
Emily's advice is spot on.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 July 2008):
Well if you are going to have an abortion do it sooner rather than later. After 12 weeks it all gets seriously ethical as the baby is getting big enough to be born prematurely.
Confront him and have it out with him. If you have a low sex drive then I can understand him being frustrated but going off for casual sex is NOT ON! You are pregnant, you are going to be a bag of hormones and they will make you all over the place when it comes to sex.
You need to make a decision on whether to end this relationship or go.
I don't think you should abort purely so you can give this relationship another chance. I really don't think this guy is worth the emotional hurt and guilt that would cause you.
If you become single and really can't face being a single mother then it is an option. But then so is adoption.
Keep the pregnancy separate to your relationship problems. Sort out your man before you decide what to do about the baby.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Joy britain +, writes (21 July 2008):
Joy britain is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe differences we were trying to reconcille was about reasons why having the baby wouldn't be a great idea. Almost immediately after he poured out his resons why he felt I shouldn't have the baby he retracted his statement and spontaneously booked that getaway I menthoned in the story.
I must admit since I've got pregnant my sex drive has decreased hugely. My partner still puts pressure on me for sex and I decline because it can sometimes be painful due to his size.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): That's not very nice of him.
I'm not shifting any blame, but have you turned the tap off as far as sex is concerned?
What differences were you trying to reconcile?
Only you know whether to end the relationship, but having an abortion is a very big step to take and should be most carefully considered. You could tell him what you're thinking of doing. He'll either be pleased to be shot of you and the unborn baby or he'll realise exactly what effect his behaviour is having on you, what the consequences could be and beg your forgiveness.
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A
male
reader, TheVirg +, writes (21 July 2008):
Abortion is definitely not the way to go. I am not saying this for the sake of religion but for the sake of a child's life. What I would do is confront him about talking to other women on adult finder; don't try to get him to stop, just find out if you two should part ways or if he would like another chance to redeem himself. I would not worry about the porn, every man does it but none have the right to, especially when married, but is nothing to split up over and have an abortion. Again, confront him and ask him to stop doing it because it makes you feel uncomfortable when you find he was looking at other women.
if worst comes to be, where you can tell that the relationship is not working out, and there is no way possible in heaven or hell that the two of you can work things out, mark out six months on a calendar before doing anything irrational or harsh. If you still cannot work anything out after six whole months, file a divorce and find a man that will help raise your child as his own and who loves you for who you are and not for sex or looks (although they are a plus).
I believe this is what you should do, although divorce is a last resort.
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