A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I cannot get over him cheating on me. It was 1st January 2007 and he went out on New Years Eve after we had a fight. He switched his phone off and forgot bout me, sick in bed. So next day I asked if he'd cheated coz the relationship was rocky at the time, he first denied it but then came clean... it was with his friends sister and he said 'we came close to sex'. That kills me til today coz i dont believe him when he now tells me it was just tops off and handjob and then they passed out drunk and did NOT f***! God im getting angry right now and it was so long ago. But the thing that bugs me is that we were both virgins before our first time with each other, it was so pure and amazing. I have not slept with any1 else, ever. If it wasn't 4 the 51% of me that hopes and believes he didn't sleep with her I would leave. But that 49% uncertainty plagues me daily. I sometimes feel like going on a sex spree to get over it and sort of have my own back covered jus in case he did taint this sacred part of our relationship. So like we've been together for 3.5 yrs now and we have a 6 month old. But if I find out that he slept with that b**** that night Im gona lose it. So the only way I can find this out and ease my suspicion is to ask HER. How can I find her though? Shes not on facebook, on namesdata base or on hi5. She lives too far away for me to barge thru her door, nevermind that i dont know where she lives. I have to find out though bcoz, how could they PASS OUT during foreplay. That sounds like s*** to me. Please let me know how I can track the whore down.
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female
reader, woodyzgurl  +, writes (4 September 2008):
Girl I just went through EXACTLY the same situation but the ho lives down the street and of course she was back with her man and didnt want him to know what kind of sleeze she is.I caught her in 4 lies in 1 conversation.He finally told me bc I tricked him."EXPECT HER TO DENY IT"!The best way to do it is how I did.PRETEND YOU TALKED TO HER!Throw in some details about certain things he does during sex and take a stab at it.And local colleges offer Polygraph testing to the public for a small fee.Good luck but give up on her telling you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): Update:
thanks for all the advice, Uncle Phil, I love your sense of humour. Anyways, i have managed to get her brothers phone number all in a days HARD WORK. But il update if need be. If they had sex, ill know soon enough. im gona pitch the question to her so she sorta feels sorry for me and wants me to move on type thing. Thats my only chance. I dont trust him i guess coz i know he would lie to me to keep me. And i cant be living like sum kinda devoted idiot if its not a two-way thing. im just staying for now for the sake of our 6month daughter. but that might change...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): I think that sometimes we get so caught up in the details... If you two are in love and want to make your relationship a healthy, loving and long one then focus on that. This thing happened in the past and (sorry to have to say this) BUT he was honest and told you something happened... why dig it up? ALSO, it is not the girls problem to be fair coz your relationship is btwn you and your man and she is not to blame. Leave her out of it.
You really need to either accept that something happened and deal with it (whether it was a handjob or sex whatever), or leave. You cannot keep yourself in this rut its a waste of time for you and him! Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): Do you really think she'd admit anything if you asked her? I doubt it somehow!
If she gave him a 'tops off handjob' he's probably telling the truth anyway - by the time he'd recharged his batteries he'd probably fallen asleep if he was drunk.
The wider issue here is one of trust. You either trust him to tell you the truth or you don't. Solid relationships are built on total trust, and without that trust I don't see yours lasting very long, especially bearing in mind the way you're still beating yourself up over this some 18 months later. I bet he's getting pretty sick of hearing about it by now, I know I would if I was in his position.
Going and getting laid yourself is the first step to total destruction of what you have together. If you really must get even go and give someone a 'tops off handjob' but that won't solve a damned thing.
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A
female
reader, sarah w  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 i would say leave it.you mentioned it was a while back so your just making it worse for yourself.i would ask him out right on how to get in contact with this girl if you realy have to know for peace of mind,but i doubt you will get to the bottom of it.good luck take care x
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