A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 28 year old female and have been dating my 35 year old boyfriend for 10 months. Our relationship was rosey the first 4 months. I met all his family and he met mine, i know all his friends and he knows mine, he even said that I was the one that he wants to marry. he took me to all family and social events. called me his wife to be, bought me roses, took me to plays, cruises. He had pursued and wooed me and he was the most romantic man. We fell in love and decided to have relations. I got pregnant. he was so supportive until I said I didn't want to have the baby. then he changed. I regret our carelessness but I explained that I can only keep the baby if we get married. however, I made the hardest decision of my life and did not keep the baby because he made NO Attempt to get married. (Please do not judge me for my decision, if you can't be neutral about this please respectfully move on and don't comment thanks). After this, he was very angry and he abandonned me when I went through with the decison. I was also very resentful and things have gone down hill since then. although I went to therapy, he applogised for leaving me when I needed him, he began to take me for granted from that point. he stood me up for a date, started to call less often 6 times a week every other day instead of 3 calls a day. He got impatient with me alot, started asking for sex MORE often, although he still planned dates he didn't as much. He would not keep promises. and he started getting uncomfortable about marriage and would be very passive aggressive when I brought up the topic. this totally bugged me since he was the one who first suggested he was in love and wanted marriage. he pursused me, he worked so hard to become my Bf and i didn't sleep with him until after we were in a relationship.Anyways, So after 3 rocky months, I left him, disconnected all my phones, traveled for vacation without him, told all my friends not to tell him about my wherabouts and I closed my FB account. he has come to my house, left notes, he's sent me gifts for my birthday, called my friends to ask about me, sent me loving emails and sent me flowers for vals day. But I have not responded to any of his contact. I miss him so much, But I am soo angry at how he abandonned me and how he's treated me like a fool and walked all over me when all I did was love him. Should I take him back? Its torture being without him, its been exactly 29 days now of NO CONTACT. what do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone,
I want to say thankyou for your wonderful answers. you have all provided me valuable feedback and I think I know what I must do. You are all right, my ex and I have been through a lot. I suspected that he was still angry with me for the abortion, I am still trying to FORGIVE MYSelf for this so i don't blame him. I am thankful for your answers that helped me put this in perspective. I didn't realize that he could still me upset with me about this that he would take me for granted.
Right now, I am very angry with him. I feel abandonned, let down. he was supposed to be there for me when I needed him, and why continue to take me for granted even after I apologised for the decision? marriage is important to me, and I don't want to continue dating him if he doesn't intend to commit later in the future, at his time of course. I understand that he is still in love with me and I appreciate the gifts, In fact I got another gift last night from him so I know he wants me back desperately. But right now I am so upset and disappointed I just can't bring myself to make the move back into his arms. I do WANt him back and I love him. But I just can't call him. I am scared things will not change and if he keeps taking me for granted again, I will be more devastated if we break up. I have decided to wait and pray that he shows up at my door when I am home. if he asks to talk I will listen. We need to have a long discussion like TEM and florida cat girl said. There's much to agree on before going back into the relationship. Thanks everyone.
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (16 February 2011):
 You have been through quite an ordeal. You chose not to bring a baby into this world without a marital commitment from this man, and that is completely understandable. Being a single mother is no easy feat.
It does sound like he is trying to make amends. If you really want to give this relationship another shot, I’d say go for it. However, the two of you need to sit down and have a long conversation before you give him another chance. He wasn’t willing to commit several months ago, so what has changed? You need to ask him this.
In addition, make sure he has fully forgiven you for ending the pregnancy. The last thing you want is for him to hold that over your head for the rest of your life. If he can’t find it in his heart to forgive you, then you need to move on.
I do look forward to hearing what happens, so please keep us updated! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Right, you said you have made no contact for 29 days...but within that time your ex has been chasing you, sending you emails etc but you had chose to ignore him.So he's probably thinking now, that you dont want to know, anymore.Ok, you were hurt because he became distant after you aborted his baby...and to me that sounds like he couldn't forgive you for doing that....you pressurised him into marriage and Im not slating you for this but it made your ex dig his heels in because he probably felt trapped.He wanted the baby but you couldn't really force a man to marry you if he wasn't ready...remember...he was getting his head around the fact that he was going to become a father but the abortion stopped all that...hence the change in your relationship....I expect deep down he was angry with you and thats how he displayed it.
Yes, I know in the beginning he promised you lots of things, including being his wife but they were just words...and in the 1st stages of love, I think you say about anything when you are all loved up.Everything was happening too fast.
What do you do? Well lets see....if you do love him and you want him back then I suggest you make contact with him again....but this time you two need to clear up a few things...You dont want to end up at square 1 with the same old arguments, cropping up otherwise you two stand no chance. You both got to put your cards on the table, he needs to forgive you....If you two love each other and are willing to put the past behind you then it could work.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (15 February 2011):
Yes you take him back. You are putting him through absolute hell right now and that is not fair. Especially because he began to treat you wrong because you aborted his child. So...you should not have left like that. What you should do is contact him and let him know you recieved everything and thank him. Go from there. Begin slowly and as days go by COMMUNICATE with him exactly how you feel and how he made you feel. Work on things because he seems like a good one.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (15 February 2011):
 You two have done a lot of damage to each other. You will have to overcome all of this in order for it to ever work out. There is a lot of anger and resentment that will have to be worked through.
Those were some drastic actions - on both parts. You've sort of painted yourself into a corner by going to extremes not to be found. You sent a very clear message that you never wanted to see or hear from him again. It's a hard one to undo. As Dr. Phil has said, "You can't un-ring a bell."
However, he is sending you a clear message now that he wants you back by going to extremes to find you. Although this seems very romantic, my feeling is that this is unlikely to work out the way it does in the movies. You may fall into each others arms when, and if, you reunite, but there will still be tough issues to work on.
If you want to get back together with him you will have to swallow your pride and make contact. Then you will have to be honest with each other about what has happened. You will have to work at resolving hurt feelings surrounding the abortion, the abandonment, etc. Those are serious issues.
This can happen if you truly love each other and are mature in your feelings for each other. If you get together without resolving these issues the relationship will continue to be a stormy one and will end with another blow out at a later time.
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