A
female
age
36-40,
*my_rlh
writes:Okay so I'm 26, I've never had a boyfriend, I've never been kissed or even been on a date. I was always very popular when I was little but we moved away from my home. People started bullying me and I lost all my confidence. I was called ugly and fat , I wasn't when I was little but I started comfort eating. I am fat and ugly I must be cause no one is even remotely interested in me. I'm lonely now and I don't know what to do, I've tried losing weight but everytime I lose a little bit of weight I end up putting it on again cause I still get picked on even now. I've stopped losing weight now know matter how hard I try. No one likes me, I have no confidence I'm so fat and ugly I don't know what to do anymore.
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (25 December 2013):
What's hurting you isn't your looks, it's your confidence. I doubt you're as bad as you think, but even if you are, there are plenty of "fat and ugly" people who get as much action as they want.
However, being depressed with no self esteem is a turn off to most people. Even someone that finds you physically attractive might be put off.
First things first, at your age there's no more excuse for bullying. Distance yourself from whoever is the jerk, even if it's a relative.
Second, eat whole foods (meaning not prepackaged food) and exercise 4 times a week. Drink plenty of water, don't eat too much salt and as little sugar as possible. You WILL lose weight.
Third, figure out how to be the best "you" you can be. Whether it's through wearing makeup to highlight features, wearing more flattering clothes, going to college, getting your career moving, getting a new hairdo, whatever.
Just remember that bullys are secretly as miserable as you are. They are so simple minded that they have to make you feel like shit to make themselves feel better
Take control of your life and get yourself out there once you do. You're sure to find someone who loves you.
By the way, there are plenty of guys who like bigger women. It's gay guys and marketing execs who choose skinny women as models (if you feel bad about yourself you're more likely to buy their crap to feel better). Straight guys usually prefer curves.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2013): Hi :)
I just wanted to say that I've heard a lot of people say this. You just never know when you'll meet someone special.
There's a girl in my grad school program who is 26, she had never had a boyfriend, never had sex, never even kissed a guy, and I knew her self-esteem (at least with guys) was a little low. She is a really tall and a broad-shouldered girl, quite nerdy and into anime and stuff…you get the point. Last year she went to do research in Germany and met her prince charming. They're still together (he moved to the US) and they're SO cute and compatible.
My point is….I really do believe that there's someone for everyone :)
When it finally happens, you will be so happy. Please don't give up :)
In the meantime, please work on yourself. Definitely see a therapist (I think everyone can benefit from that!!) and enjoy the single life as best you can :)
Merry Christmas!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2013): First of all you need to build up your self-esteem, one of my cousins was a bit like you, she wasn't fat, but she didn't have a job, was about your age, lived with her parents and never had a boyfriend one day she decided that her life had to change and the only one who could do it was herself! She finally found a job (she had a major issue with job interviews because she was very shy), joined a gym, got more confident in herself and found someone. Not saying to you that you have to be super cocky, but you have to believe in yourself, that you are lovable, because you are. NOT only thin people get boyfriends, and people are not only interested in what you look like, yes that's important but if you have a great personality that is also very important. SO treat yourself kindly.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 December 2013):
I'm sure you're not fat or ugly. Quite the opposite on fact, as people obviously bullied you because they were either jealous or threatened.
One thing is for sure though, and that is that your confidence is very low right now, which is a clear shame because I'm sure that's all that's holding you back. People frequently overlook how important self confidence is. If you don't feel good about yourself, others won't feel it either. Decent men like confident women, and a lack of confidence is something you need to deal with.
I think you would benefit from some sort of counselling, perhaps you can arrange that through your GP. Please don't sit there and suffer, because I'm sure that you'll find with a boost in your own confidence, you'll feel better and you'll be in a position to meet a decent guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2013): Big is beautiful you just haven't met the guy who appreciate you. Do you see how many men are actually dating big girls. You don't have to lose weight to get a date trust me. But you do need confidence. And since you have none currently you need to work on it. Start off by making female friends learning new hobbies. Pledge in a sorority. Read some books on building confidence. Losing weight is not the primary issue. Once you gain confidence in your looks and embrace your style others will too. It's weird but people can sense lack of confidence in others. It's detectable. And no matter how eccentric your style is if you have confidence with it you will set trends. So first step work on loving yourself. Once you love yourself your weight loss may happen or u may make it happen. Us women have an advantage. We can alter our appearance easily with makeup and nice clothing don't forget the accessories. So after you read self help and confidence self love books and begin to feel good about yourself. Go out and purchase you a makeup set and watch YouTube on how to apply it. Style your hair frequently. And if you are bigger than you probably know big females look much more beautiful with full hair. So get some curls in your hair have your hair stylist do your hair in a way that compliment your face. The first step is crucial. Love thyself. Don't neglect loving yourself to straight buying all these new products and changing yourself bc you'll be doing it for others and not yourself and that's not love but attention craving. It won't happen overnight but it will happen. I know bc I have gone through loving myself. Also meet other big girls and find out their secret on getting guys being big. Also last not least you are not ugly. But since you think you are there is no makeup that cannot make you look flawless. It is a multi billion dollar industry for a reason. So love yourself then take your own self out on dates bc you're hot. Treat yourself to a nice day at the nail salon. There's no way any woman is ugly. Men invest a lot of money to make even the ugliest woman gorgeous. I say men invest bc they are the ones behind these makeup industry and cosmetics for women. In 6 mos to a year from now you will have so many men chasing you down. Just enjoy yourself and date them. No need to rush. Best wishes
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