A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 and in graduate school.....not only am I a virgin, i've never really 'dated' or even kissed a girl....i lost a bunch of weight during freshman year of college and the confidence didn't just materialize...so as a result, i haven't been able to go out and do the sorts of things most 24 year olds have by now.....not that i haven't wanted to....I am often filled with regret that I am as inexperienced when it comes to dating/sex/etc as most 13 year old boys are.....it makes me sad. I've posted here a couple times before, and most of the replies were along the lines of "just get out there and do it!!" but of course my lack of experience is something that i just can't seem to be able to get over.My current situation: I'm in a graduate program that is made up of predominately female students. As a result, we all talk a lot and do things outside of class. Because of this, I am afraid I am nothing but 'one of the gang' to the rest of the group, and that worries me. There is one girl in particular whom I wish I could pursue/date, but I am very afraid that if I ask her out or something and she says no, that things will be awkward between us, and that would suck, since we still have a year of the program.i want to just ask her out over the summer, but i'm afraid she already sees me as just a friend. that has been my curse all my life, and I don't have any idea how to not make that happen. ANY girl I ever associate with seems to immediately peg me into the friend zone, or at least it seems that way.I bet this isn't always the case, but my inexperience and bad track record of misreading girls' affections negatively impact the situation.What should I do regarding the girl? Do I try to ask her out and risk awkwardness for the next year (among a small group of students, so i couldn't just keep my distance should things go downhill), or what? Man I hate being 24 and being so damn inexperienced. maybe I should seek some kind of therapy to help me with self-confidence? i wonder if that would help at all.thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys.
Danielpewe, the problem with that is that I'm not sure if I'm already in the stupid Friend Zone....i might be, i might not be. I just can't tell, due to my inexperience.
I have a problem with this, as it has happened twice when I thought I was closer with someone with whom I thought I had a chance, only to get the "I dunno..." conversation. which isn't a lot of fun.
So while you suggested it may be a good thing to be friend zoned, I'm not entirely sure I am there, but I can't tell either way. Hence the frustration.
le sigh
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): You just described me. I'm 24 and in the EXACT same situation (well, except for the circle of female friends) and plan on asking the girl I like (also in my class) out next week. Term will be over soon and so will my last shot at getting a grip on myself. I reckon we just both need to CHILL, try not to get too worked up, don't be self-conscious and play it cool. What works for me sometimes is if I imagine all my shyness rolled up into a ball, I then crumple up the ball and throw it away. Believe it or not, this actually works for me and I feel far less shy whenever I do this odd mental exercise.
As for the lack of experience, it does make things a bit more awkward at 24 alright, but at least we've got the whole first kiss buzz and all to look forward to, right?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 April 2009):
 First, don't look for therapy because that's not what you need. With all due respect for therapists and people who trust them, all you need is perhaps a friend who is drunk, irresponsible and a womanizer; he'll do the trick and it will be fun and cheap, unlike a therapist :-).
I also think you have to go out and make it happen. Girls won't come to you unless you do something to attract them. It seems you were expecting that your losing weight would magically give you comfidence. Of course that's not the case. Fat is fat, and a lean body is just that.
It's good that you have a group of female friends, and it's good that they have put you on the friend zone. That means they might help you out if you asked how to decipher a woman's language. And, since they see you as "friend" already, you haven't lost any chances.
Don't worry about awkwardness between you and that other girl. You won't be telling her that you hate her guts, but quite the opposite. If she says no, take no for an answer and keep your distance. That's it!
Women are very good at reading a man. Chances are that girl already knows you're into her, which means she could perhaps be willing to get involved with you.
Yep, shyness isn't something you just leave behind in a snap of fingers. But you need to try, or you'll never make it. Every stud had to do it at some point, and felt as nervous as you.
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