A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago, and we started seeing each other again two months after breakup and now he wants to be with me officially. We broke up basically because my boyfriend kept feeling that he does not deserve me and is worthless. He is a type of person who does not let people to come close to him for fear of being rejected, so he said that I am the first one who make him even bother to argue on a personal level. We argued several times as we move along as a couple, but he could not stand that fact the he was diappointing me, which was not the case to me. Anyway, after breaking up, he said that he tried all his might not to think about me, not to go back to me. But he said it was impossible. He said that not being with me made him comfortable with his pathetic self, but at the same time terrified him to death. So we started dating again after two months of our breakup, and now he wants to be in an official relationship with me again. I am really happy that he came back on his own will. We are now getting along really well and trying hard to be a good, responsible partner to each other.Problem is that he told me that his ex that he had before me contacted me when we were broken up and tried so hard to get back together. They even slept a couple of times but after his dating me he stopped sleeping with her. He said he never called her first, but it was always her persuading him to be with her, and he stopped seeing her completely after us dating. I am glad that he is being honest with me and that he chose me on his own will when there is another girl trying to be with him. But at the same time, the fact that he slept with her while we were broken up bothers me. I could not even think of seeing somebody at that time for the pain was too huge.Am I being irrational? Am I about to ruin our prospect of having a good relationship in the future?
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female
reader, alwaysinhoth2o +, writes (13 August 2009):
I just have to give you my take this. I may sound pessimistic, but I have lived and learned. You said he wanted to break up because, he "kept feeling that he does not deserve me and is worthless". Who does this? Guys say things like that when they want to break up so the girls don't get all insecure. Same as saying, "It isn't you, it's me". Then by coincidence, his ex girlfriend starts calling him right after the break up? Most likely he started messing around with her, decided he should break it off with you, told you this "poor me" story to let you down easy. "he said that he tried all his might not to think about me, not to go back to me. But he said it was impossible." Who breaks up with someone because they feel "unworthy" and then goes through a nightmarish two months restraining themselves from going back? NO ONE! He and his ex girlfriend didn't work out for whatever reason and he came back sounds more realistic. He probably decided to tell you about her first because there is a good chance you will hear it from someone else. "But at the same time, the fact that he slept with her while we were broken up bothers me. I could not even think of seeing somebody at that time for the pain was too huge". I would bet he had slept with her even before you broke up, he didn't just happen to sleep with her while your were broken up, he broke up with you so he could continue sleeping with her. My perception of this is based on the small amount of details you have provided. If I am way off base, I appologize. If any of this sounds like it is possible, please don't fall into the "caring, understanding, patient" girlfriend. Be smart! I am sure you are better than all this! Good Luck to You
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): You aren't being irrational about being jealous over his sleeping with someone else. That said you are being unfair, he had a right to date any one or sleep with any one he wanted while you were broken up.
You broke up for a reason, so try to figure out what that reason was and work on those issues or you will find yourself in the same break up situation a few months down the line.
Your boyfriend's lack of self esteeem is a problem and he needs to work on that on his own. You can help him by showing appreciation for the little things he does and talking to him in a respectful manner. Respect is the thing men desire most from their women, and Appreciation is what women desire most....so keep that in mind and ask for it if you feel under appreciated.....
Men often massage their egos after a break up in the arms of another woman....it doesn't mean he is in love with her, but just trying to make himself feel good and distract himself from his painful feelings. If he has been faithful while you were together that is the thing that is important, and that he didn't break up with you for an excuse to sleep with his ex. Who broke up with who? The it's not you it's me is one of the commond reasons men use to break up with you.....so keep this in mind going forward....he may be just stringing you along. One way to find out is to not have sex with him until he earns back your trust.....if you have sex right away this is premature reconcilliation. You need to start out from the beginning again treating each other as if you are just dating and see how it goes from there.
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