A
female
age
36-40,
*aroka
writes:ok,I'm a 24 year old female almost 25. I've never had a boyfriend, and I've never had sex. Lately I've been depressed because I feel I have a good personality, and should have found some one by now. I have always been a tom boy. I am obese, but I'm 5'9 so I'm not to the point of having any major problems other than my blood pressure getting a little high every now and then. I am a very strong women. However due to my big weight I can't find many cloths I can buy my size. If I do they are ugly and not stylish at all. Every time I like a guy they end up thinking of me as more of a buddy. I also don't know how to flirt. I have also found that most of the guys I like are in relationships, so I don't want to try to flirt in fear of getting people mad. I am the youngets of 8 siblings. My olest sister is 50, and the youngest next to me is 34. So I can't really relate to them that well. So I never had a sibling close to my age to teach me things, and my mother after having a stroke couldn't teach me any girl things since I was 8. So my dad raised me, and of course he didn't know anything about girl things. Also most of my friends in school were either tom boys, and boys so I never really had girl friends to teach me how to flirt or attract a guy. I'm completley clueless. Please help! I am so depressed, and I don't want to be alone all my life. I'm not looking for a sex partner, but for some one that will love me. I do want to get married one day, and have a couple of children. I have considered adopting, but I would rather have children of my own, but I can't see me doing that if I am alone all my life.
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male
reader, Edico +, writes (28 July 2010):
 I agree with everyone here, health is important. yeah you can count calories and carbs, but its portion control that can be the biggest enemy; i know that my biggest hurdle with my obesity.
But along with physical health, think about your mental health. Are you Proud of who you are and what you've accomplished so far? You should be; heck be proud you're a virgin. Im not ashamed that I am a 22 year old virgin. Your self-worth is very important.
I wish you the Best of luck ^_^
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): You're on the right track with working out. Remember that working out is not about looking good nor attracting people. It is about being healthy. All things follow after that; happiness, looking good, etc.
Stay the course with a daily routine and then a day will come where you feel strong and healthy and excited to be alive.
Eating healthy is not expensive. Register on: www.nutrimirror.com and join a great support of people cheering you on with nutrition goals. It is also effective at showing how inexpensive good nutrition really is.
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A
male
reader, awsome101  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 and dnt go online to find men all kinds of freaks on the net. Go out, gym, build your confidence, dnt get used, dnt think about being a virgin think positive and youl get possitive results.when you feel attractive orther people will find you attractive
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A
male
reader, awsome101 +, writes (26 July 2010):
hey hey sweetheart, life is hard and depressing some times, being there many times. Ok so you have a weight problem okay, what you gota do is for your self join the gym, when you feel better everythn else will just fall in place. Read the bible get some inspiration from it. Your still young guys aint going nowhere okay? Dnt rush into anythn. First take care of your wellbeing ok?
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A
female
reader, Laroka +, writes (26 July 2010):
Laroka is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you every one. I do understand that I really should work on me. I want to get the weight off, but to eat healthy costs a lot of money. I don't really have the funds to eat healthy. I can count calories and carbs, but that doesn't mean its healthy. I should work out more. I am on my feet all the time, but I have been over weight all my life, so everything is so hard to start and stick with. I'm lost 71 lbs so far, but I still have over 100lbs to go, so its hard to be confident enough to attract guys I guess.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): The most attractive thing in a woman is health. Obesity is NOT healthy, you need to loose wieght in a slow way because you probably won't ever find more than a few guys who can see past your size. And therefore there in high demand
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A
female
reader, candygirl_iraq  +, writes (26 July 2010):
I would suggest working on yourself first. You are 25 and say you're obese,aside from relationships, you are putting your health and life at great risk.try hitting the gym, doing active things to take off some of the weight. This will enhance your self esteem,and all the feminine stuff will come along.You need to make the change for you,not for any guy. The guy will come along when the time is right,and your heart is healthy...literally. You have all the ingredients of a great parter,you just need a little work on yourself. There are plenty of magazines,programs and other stuff that could assist you with the flirting and the wardrobe. Im sure you've heard ppl tell you lose weight all your life. I know this because I had a weight problem when i was in my teens and it took a toll of my self esteem which is still exsisting.You need to make yourself and your health the motive,and love will come later. best of luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): I would start with an online relationship website and being up front about your physical characteristics, as well as your basic personality traits, such as you're not flirtatious and am a tomboy, and your fun or positive points. There is a market out there that values that honesty.
While you say you are obese and have blood pressue concerns, an important part is most people want someone who is healthy. It's because good health is a general indicator that you're happy. And we all want someone who is happy. So while you're size is actually trivial, it is the message it communicates that can be easily misinterpreted.
At any rate, flirting doesn't get the guy as well as it keeps your guy, but being genuinely happy and kind is a treasure for a guy to have.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): Hello, hello,
I am 25 year old male. About six months ago I entered my first relationship with a girl, about 4 months ago I lost my virginity with that girl and now I'm madly in love for the first time in my life.
It's bizarre how life works I guess. Prior to meeting this girl I was very depressed about my relationship history, which was non-existent. I kept on thinking that this was not normal, that something must be wrong with me. But I did some research and found out that, sure, we are above the average when it comes to age of first relationships and sexual encounters, but it's really not that uncommon either. At the very least it's nothing to be worried, embarrassed or stressed about.
So there you have it. I was actually 25 when things first started to happen for me. Do I regret not having started earlier? No, absolutely not.
And one last thing. I actually told my girlfriend this and I was scared she might find it very weird. Her reaction was the exact opposite. She says she loves that fact that she is the only one who has had me, no ex-s to compare herself to or worry about, no nothing. She likes it and it actually makes our relationship stronger.
So look at this a good thing in your life. It most definitely will have its benefits though these may not be apparent to you right now.
Good luck
P.s. I wouldn't worry too much about weight or any other appearance aspect. Only shallow guys are bothered my a few extra pounds and you don't want a shallow guy anyway. The vast majority of guys are not attracted to cover-girl models who look like coat hangers but not women. Real men like real women like you.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (26 July 2010):
You are rushing into life way to fast here. Where is it written that you should have a boy friend by now? Because your friends have one? One will come when you are ready mentally. If look through a lot of these post, you will see how many women have problems with their boy friends or husbands. Do you really want to rush into that?
You talk about marriage, kids...All this will happen. But not if you rush it. A hurry bird never builds a good nest.
First, Love you, and who you are. You don't need a guy for that. Guys do like tom boys. You are just not giving yourself enough credit.
Flirting comes from the mind. When your mind is set on flirt, your body follows. It's not your size, it's what controlling it. A massive ship will crash into the rocks, if the captain was not in control.
So which are you? Ship or Captain?
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