A
female
age
,
*usanna
writes:I am married now for 33 years. I thought i was the luckiest woman alive!Happy family 3 sons and a daughter and a wonderful husband. A year ago i found out that my husband molested my daughter since she was 3 years old. She is now 25. She is currently busy with her Masters degree. She was a happy child and till this day we have had no problems with her at all. She is getting married next year. I used to asked her when she was growing up, if anyone ever touched her she must please tell me- she always asured me she will, -- but she did not. The only thing that bothered me when she was a child was the fact that her dad was very protective over her, more in a jealous type of way. He did not have a good relationship with his sons. I would never in a million years have think that he molested her.He was always fond of children (mostly girls) and i thought it was a good thing. Nothing like this ever happened to me and i trusted him with my life. I found her diary one day after she went to university and i read something about her daddy toutched her. I then asked her. At first she dont want to tell me and said that she cant remember- she blocked everything out of her head but it did happened. She said he molested her and i dont get her to say more, i dont want to force her. I then asked her father and he denied everything. Later on after huge arguments he admit that it happens once. But its a lie, she said since she was 3 years old and cant remember till what age.I have a granddaughter now and whenever they visit he will spend all his time around her, doing everything for her and allowed her to do whatever she wants even if he know its not right. Mostly when i am not around. Now that i think back i believe the signs were there all the time but i did not recognise it! Now that i know the signs i am sure my granddaughter might be in trouble. I am confused and hurt and hates him for this. How could i have been so blind! I am still with him and i dont know what to do. My daughter dont want to talk about what happened and act towards her father as if nothing happened! I let my child down. Please i need help!
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female
reader, itsalright  +, writes (7 January 2011):
Let me answer this as a survivor of 11yrs of child sexual abuse at the hands of my stepfather, with my mothers knowledge. YOU LEAVE HIM! It doesn't matter that you just found out or how long it's been. You couldnt protect her when it was happening because you didnt know. But now you have knowledge that someone that was supposed to love and protect you and your babies, was hurting them, behind your back, smiling to your face.Taking the most sacred act of love that was supposed to be special and just between you two,and doing it with a child. Betraying your trust and love for one another. Thats your baby, stand up for her. Do not choose to stay with somebody like that. Dont choose him over your own child. But there is not. As a mother, you have to leave him. As a mother, how could you stand to stay?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): we are here if you need to talk. I understand about being financially dependant on him. Im glad to hear that you are trying to gain financial independance, that is the first step. You are doing the right thing. Im so sorry for your pain, hugs, mal
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A
female
reader, Susanna +, writes (2 August 2010):
Susanna is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your advice.
I know what is the right thing to do now. I dont work and hubby provides for me- its difficult to just leave.
Im looking for a job now- and pray i will find something soon.
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A
female
reader, MisguidingBoys  +, writes (27 July 2010):
Report him to the police
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): You NEED to keep your granddaughter away from him. He shouldn't be allowed to see her. And when he DOES see her you should NOT let him have a second on his own with her.
He's admitted he's done it, that should be enough for you to leave him. In fact, I'm shocked you haven't left him already. You can't blame yourself for something like this. Caringguy's right, it is very difficult to see unless you know what you're looking for. You obviously had no idea he was capable of such a thing.
You can't change the past, but the future is in your hands. Leave him. How could you ever look at him in the same light knowing what he done to your daughter. You'll be living with a pedophile.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): Ask the granddaughter if anyone has touched her, u shuld report your husband
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 July 2010):
 I hate to bring in the law but you are breaking the law in South Africa if you do not report this. You must take steps to protect your grandchildren. Here is a link for you that can get you started. http://www.childlinesa.org.za/
Here is a copy of the Mandatory Reporting explanation:
http://www.childlinesa.org.za/images/stories/documents/mandated_reporting_of_child_abuse_for_pdf.pdf
Please put the child's welfare first, above everything else. Then get help for yourself if you need some assistance or support as you come to terms with this awful knowledge.
Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): yes i agree with Cg and you need to sit with all of the children and tell them.you all need each others support to get thru this. Its not your fault sweetheart, you didnt know. But now you do, and you have to protect your grandchildren at all costs. Hugs, mal
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 July 2010):
You need to leave him. Period. And then prevent him from seeing the granddaughter as much as possible. You didn't fail your child. He did. Abuse like this is very, very difficult to see unless you know what you're looking for. And no one other than those who have suffered it understand what to look for. You need to leave this man and get your family away from him as much as you can.
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