A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am a 23 year old male, heterosexual virgin with no relationship/intimate experience. My problems in these areas resulted primarily from social anxiety and an overall lack of self-confidence. Simply put, I have never taken the initiative to ask a girl out for the fear of being rejected. Rather than pursue a relationship or build a strong social network, I put most of my energy into school/college work while maintaining a few acquaintances. Recently I graduated from college and would now like to make new friends and finally find a girlfriend.The main problem is that I am deeply ashamed of my lack of experience/virginity. I often assume there is a "loser" stigma attached to males who haven't "gotten any" at my age. That is why I am asking for some input on what other people think about 20 something (or older) male virginity. I am particularly interested in female opinions on this matter. Do you consider virginity to be a positive and/or negative for a potential boyfriend? All relevant feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mvc  +, writes (21 April 2010):
Do not be embarassed by what you perceive being a virgin as a turn off. Remember that it is only your perception. In much of life, we don't do the things we wish to out of fear. A fear of being perceived in a certain way. But seriously, it is only YOUR perception that you have to overcome, and not anything else. I am currently dating a 29-year old who also was in exactly in the same position as you are (concentrated on studies till one day he realised that he missed out on the intimacy of sex, also at the age of 23). He mentioned that he always felt that although he succeeded well in other parts of his life, but female intimacy has been an issue with him. His reasons were inexperience and, of course, the fear of the perception itself. Social norms have put a stigma on society that experience is vital to be successful. Although it may be a valid point in many areas of life, society has forgotten how successful and valuable inexperience is as well. It is with inexperience that babies see the world in an uncorrupted, forgiving world. A view that makes every experience even better than the last, and like a drug produces endorphins (happy hormones) of a sense of experiencing something new. It is with this daring bravery that puts the zest into each experience, and if you wish to share this with your partner, both may benefit from your learning curve as she may learn something new about herself while you learn something new fullstop. To share this path with a loved one, to be part of YOUR life journey... is a privilege for any individual. Sex is fun and as long as both of you remember the playful side of sex, learning it together may become such an entertainment that you won't need the television anymore! I recommend the book 'The joy of sex' by Alex Comfort. Let me just tell you that it is NOT a sex manual. It talks more about the intimacy of sex (my boyfriend actually recommended it to me). We read this separately initially and now we take turns to read it to each other in bed, both as a form of foreplay and intimacy revitilisation. Remember this... it is harder to teach old dog new tricks! *wink*
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): join the club. I am a 22 year old male virgin. I have the same problem social anxiety. Believe it or not I am very attractive. However, I panic when ever I am approached by the opposite sex
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): im a 17 year old girl and i can honestly say that all my bfs which have been sexually with other girls were a pretty big turn off for me. my bf atm never had a proper gf and never had sex or anything close before me and he was the biggest turn on out of all of them and ive been with him for over a year now and its amazing!
its great because we were each others first and that made it real special and heaps better!
most girls i know and me personally hate all those 'player' guys out there and would definitely be looking for a guy like you. you sound like an awesome guy to be with and the fact that your a virgin is very sexy ;)
good look! :D
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y).  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 First of all your not a "Loser". Lots of people wait until they are married to have sex so your not alone being a virgin at 23.
If you find it hard to talk to girls mabey set up an account on a dating site. Also try and do something each day that scares you, it will bost your confidence.
Look in the mirror and pick out 5 things that you like about yourself, Girls will find you attractive if you are confident about yourself. Try and talk to girls, what have you got to lose?
Don't rush into sex though. You will regret it. Find someone who you really like and are willing to give your virginity to.
Good luck
Olivia
x
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A
male
reader, OmegaXF +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Meh..I still throw my 2 cents in. The fear of being rejected is something you should have accepted. Being afraid of something happens to everyone but when it's over and done with you find out that it wasn't to bad. When you are rejected you gain experience in social skills that will later come into play. the whole point for me is that you need to be rejected so that you can try harder and to have that experience. As for the v-card. You never talked to woman on that bases and keep your virginity. If you find a loving girl she will understand. Also sex is mental game also. So you need to go and get that exp!
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