A
female
age
41-50,
*ebbiera
writes:Have been living a loveless marriage for 22yrs, always abusing me verbally like am not pretty, not compatible, he's always the one that brings quarrel telling me to go. But the kids am afraid of quitting am also from a broken home I knew what I passed through and how it affected me psychologically. he was my first I took in thats why we decided to live together. All along I knew he was not what I wanted but I allowed fear of the unknown to rule me, saying to myself he will change. am now suffering dearly for it. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 November 2016):
 You have been giving good advice, have you decided what you are going to do next? Are your children still young? I would rather see my parents living apart and happy than watching them live together and my father bringing my mother down all the time.
I see your age bracket therefore my guess is that you still have plenty off time to end this unhappy relationship and make the most off your life. Mr right might be out there if you just give yourself the chance.
A
female
reader, debbiera +, writes (28 November 2016):
debbiera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all am very grateful for all the answers given
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (27 November 2016):
better to be alone and miserable than to be with someone and miserable. If you leave you will need time to recover mentally from all this abuse. You deserve better. Please set a good example for your kids regardless of what age they are. It wont be easy but it will surely be worth it. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (26 November 2016):
 22 years is a very long time to be in a marriage where you aren't happy. Ask yourself this "Do you want to spend another 22 years in this marriage?"
You don't say if you have a job? If you do then at least you have some income which is certainly great. If you don't then its obviously going to be more difficult (not impossible!) to leave.
How many children do you have? What ages? I will take a guess that they are not really young and while they may not like it if you divorce, hopefully they are old enough to understand.
My sister and I grew up in a home where my mother was absolutely miserable, constantly trying to fight with my father. I never understood why, he wasn't abusive in any way and was a quiet man who took care of us very well. She would start terrible fights...my sister and I used to pray they my parents would divorce, but they never did. My father died 3 years ago and my mother had a new boyfriend within 3 months. She finally admitted that she had "settled" with my father but never loved him. She was brought up not to get a divorce. She put all of us through hell. I resented it and so did my sister. We knew that they weren't happy and they both could have had happier lives if they had just went their separate ways.
I can't see staying with someone that makes you miserable. Your children know that things aren't right. They might be upset if you divorce, but if they love their mom..I'm sure they want you to be happy!
I was in a verbally abusive marriage for 16 years. My ex was also an alcoholic and was controlling and tried to manage every part of my life down to what makeup I wore and what I wore to work. He wasn't that way when we married but he changed over time.
I just couldn't take it anymore and I warned my 15 year old son that I was leaving. My son said "Do it mom, be happy. Dad's a jerk". My ex made our lives hell. It was the best thing I ever did for myself and my son.
Its hard honey, I'm not going to lie to you if you should leave. I was lucky, my parents allowed me to move in with them for awhile to get on my feet and get things straightened out. I worked 2 jobs every day for almost 2 years but I survived it. I never shed a tear for my ex because any love I had for him had turned to disgust and extreme dislike.
Ask yourself if you deserve to be happy! You do! Children will survive a divorce, especially if they are no longer subjected to fighting or watching their mother being bashed and treated like dirt.
Get things together...seek out an attorney, ask family for help. Do what you need to do. Life is short..too short to be miserable.
I wish you all the best. Only you can decide how you want to live the next 22 years!
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (26 November 2016):
 You have to develop the inner strength and courage to leave him. The only thing I can assure you is that there is nothing to fear when you step out into the unknown. Somehow guardian angels show up in the form of strangers to help. Somehow you survive. Somehow you become stronger. Don't be afraid to ask for help. When you leave him you will find yourself again. You will build comfidence and you will set an amazing example for your children. If you stay then your children will learn that it is OK to accept unhappiness and it is OK to be abused. You have to leave for your children's sake. Good luck and have faith.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (26 November 2016):
 Children from broken homes CAN suffer as a consequence of their parents splitting up. However, children who witness one of their parents being systematically abused also suffer great mental torment and often grow up to either be abusers themselves or gravitate towards abusive partners, as that is what they see as "normal".
Are you capable of supporting yourself and your children if you leave? If there is ANY way you can do this, my advice would be to go so that your children understand abuse is NOT acceptable.
Sending you big HUGS.
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