A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi.. im 21 years old and im a male virgin. i have never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend in my life. ive had no sexual encounters what so ever and recently have been feeling very lonely.. more so than normal. i dont find it difficult to socialise and actually have a lot of friends. my friends, even my close friends dont know any of this because when im out i seem sociable friendly and humorous. i even joke with girls and am not shy, exept if its like to ask them out or if its more flirtatious than just friendly. i think that its because i have this fear that im so old and have never had any experience, so when im with the girl i'll make a fool of myself.. any suggestions would be appreciated. ive never ever mentioned this to anyone before and have even made up stories to my friends so that i dont seem like a loser, which makes me feel like an even bigger loser! i just cant take the lonliness anymore and im tired of pretending.
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flirt, shy, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, sam04  +, writes (4 March 2010):
Hi mate, need not worry if u r 21 and virgin. I was virgin until late 25 and even I was depressed most of the times thinking I may not find girl until I get married. But lately it was just like girls started rushing to me one after another & even sometimes I couldn't manage girls coz i was in touch with 3 of them at a time on 2 phones. It made me so busy, I was dating one after another who ever was free. Buddy, what I would like to suggest is build your confidence and approach n handle them with cofidence and make ur intention clear from the begining in a soft n gentle manner.... Good luck...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): You've received tons of very sound advice here. Apart from the anon female who said 'Basically, if you want to have sex tonight, just go into your local town and pull someone. Have a drink and get confident and it's done, just like that.'
It's fair to say that this comment indicates that she's no insight at all into just how difficult a lot of guys find it to get laid. For a majority of females, and a fair amount of guys (especially rich and good-looking ones), it IS that easy. You want it, you go and get it, like popping out to the shop for a loaf of bread. But it's clear that you haven't found it easy.
The best advice I can give you is not to worry, and not to let it make you unhappy or ruin your life. It'll happen when it happens. These days, women generally let men know when they're interested, and it's then up to the man to respond. The power of relationship choice is something that's always resided largely with women, and that's more the case now than ever before. All you can do is present yourself as best you can, and don't be too nervous around women - treat them as potential friends, rather than scary aliens whom you need to sexually conquer in order to prove your manhood. Eventually, one of them will try to take things further with you. There's no rush, and no cause to panic. 21-year-old male virgins are far from a rarity.
In the meantime, enjoy the rest of life's rich tapestry as best you can - the company of your friends and family, your sports or music or movies or books or whatever your passions are, and don't let the loneliness get you down.
I know it's hard, but just hang in there and ride it out. You'll be fine. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, nataliehouse  +, writes (24 June 2009):
aww, i can tell already that you are a lovely caring person and the girl you end up with will be a very lucky one. i can understand why you feel lonely, but you need to remember that it wont last forever. being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of, nothing annoys me more than people making others feel bad because of this. please dont push yourself into anything because you think you should though. youre not the only single virgin in the world. and as im always told when i complain about my 'lack of boyfrind' situatation- youre time will come.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): Listen. Stop fretting. Sex is NO BIG DEAL. So easy to say isn't it? But I promise you that the moment you've had sex for the first time, you will hate yourself for having worried for so long about it. Being a virgin at 21 is NOTHING to be ashamed of. It's not old at all. I believe it is pretty average actually.
Basically, if you want to have sex tonight, just go into your local town and pull someone. Have a drink or two and get confident enough and it's done. Just like that.
You haven't done that yet which leads me to think that you don't want to have sex with just any random drunk girl. That's fine. It doesn't matter either way. If you don't want to just get anyone, then stick by your decision. Stop worrying and just go with the flow.
If I can be honest here, and risk being unpopular, I really think that losing your virginity will do you good. You sound a bit under confident. When you've had sex a couple of times, I think you will find it easier to approach girls you like, and everything will slot into place. Go for it.
JUst stop wasting your life worrying over something like this. Think of it like a baby. When kids are little, every child's mother is worrying about when it will walk, talk and so on. In the end, all children walk and talk and no one really cares how many months old you were when you started. This is precisely the same.
Remember that you have total control over this situation. IF you want to have sex, you can. IF it is ruining your life, just do it.
Good luck with everything, and remember, no one can actually see that you are a virgin. The only person that need know is yourself so no girl will freak out or anything! I think it is quite sweet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): You have nothing to be ashamed about.Don't ever think that you're "not a man",or anything less than anyone else because you're still a virgin.Keep it for as long as you can,when you know you've met that special person.Once you lose it,you can't get it back.If you're lonely,then try an online dating site,or you can just mingle with more people,and I'm sure there will be a girl that you will get along great with.Don't feel bad about this.Hope I helped.xx
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A
male
reader, mfoster1987  +, writes (9 June 2009):
 dude i lost my virginity in high school because it was the "thing" to do. That being said i would greatly like to take it back and give it to someone i could see spending the rest of my life with. remember its not a race and if it happens tommorrow or 10 years down the road the best way for it to happen will be with someone you truly care for not in a hurried one night stand.
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A
male
reader, buddyboy216 +, writes (9 June 2009):
dude, i am also 21 and a virgin. i also told my friends that i had a small relationship and have lost my virginity even tho it was not true. it sucks and i wish that when i was younger i had the knowledge that i do now to know that i should not have made up those stories, but what ever is, is, and now i have to deal with it. dont concern yourself with what any one else says or thinks. you know whats important in your life, and in the grand scheme of things, this isnt that bad. and like alot of other people said on here, apparently girls might find that virgin quality endearing. and if you do meet someone and get to the point where your going to have sex with her, and you do have to maintain the lie that you arent a virgin, try and play it off like you just havent had sex in a while, and you never did it very often, because who knows how good youll be that first time. (fingers crossed we're not that bad though. i know i have mine crossed for that lol) good luck bud, and contact me if you ever want to talk.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (8 June 2009):
 Hun i am 20 years old and still a virgin or ever been kissed hun.!
i am proud about that as well to be honest because shows i am waiting
and it's really refreshing to see a guy not rushing all these things through as wel...
so good on you!
pop me a message you need to talk about anything :)
happy to help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): i am 27 and still virgin. and i am proud of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys, thanks 4 all your replies i do appreciate it. im going to defnitely stop the pretending and try to be more comfortable and confident about myself, the real me.. thnx again.. p.s. all of u are really cool people, i was expecting some bad comments so 4 the 3rd time.. thank you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): Coming from a girls point of view (I'm 19, virgin, never had a boyfriend...) its so much less threatening when a guy is on the same page as you are. For me anyway, a guy being a virgin is great! I don't feel so inexperienced. And many many girls think the same way. Trust me.
Don't stress. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): the biggest thing that attracted me to who is now my husband, was that he had never been with a girl. Never had a gf, virgin, etc. It made me feel special, more secure because i knew i wasn't being compared to anyone, and i knew he was a good guy because he didn't get really horny and just screw hot girls all the time, even if he didn't like them. He never did anything because he never cared about anyone in a romantic way. And he's gorgeous and so not a loser. A lot of girls will like this, but you have to look for the right kind. You probably would be better off with a more conservative girl. Girls who've had a LOT of experience may not like it because they want a man who knows what he's doing becuase that's all that matters to them. But if you find a girl who's been holding off from too many guys, then i can pretty much gaurantee that she will not be repulsed by your innocence. An uanttractive quailty however, would have been listening to him tell fake stories about girls in his past. It's better when guys are confident in themselves, their values, and what they do. You gotta stand up for yourself, and not care what your friends think. that's a good thing to start now, but i wouldn't recommend telling them all that you've been lyeing. Just sotp with the stories.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): you sound like an awesome awesome guy.
many girls love guy virgins.
most girls i know including me are turned off guys that have been with heaps of other girls before.
jus be straight up about your virginity or try to b as much as pos. have the right attitude. people wont make fun of you if you act like you dont care and most of them have most likely been lying about all their sexual encounters too.
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A
male
reader, papercat +, writes (7 June 2009):
Its not a race. Just because other people lose their virginity at 13 doesnt mean you have to....
also, just like guys love virgins, so do women!
I am not kidding when i say there are tons of girls i bet would love to make themselves your first. ;)
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