A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm 20 and i've never had a boyfriend! I'm ready for one, what am i doing wrong?I am confident, happy and sure i'm not all that looks wise but there's nothing wrong with me either.I go out, socialise, I've dated a bit, had fwb (i found out this wasn't for me and would never do that again!), i've got friends that are boys, but there is obviously no one out that likes me enough to want me to be their gf. :(I'm not even that picky. I just want someone that loves me and that i could love. I think personality is more important than looks.what am i doing wrong? please help!
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 When you read a post the trick is often reading between the lines. What isn't being said.
The fwb deal here is a bit odd. Never had a boyfriend you say. So, who was your first? You gave your virginity in the fwb arrangement or what?
Not that it in itself matters, but you then describe yourself as happy. That doesn't entirely ring true with having had sex without love being involved.
Nothing wrong if you had sex for the fun of it but somehow I don't think that was the case.
So I get the feeling you are pretending. Confident? Happy? Are you really? I think there is something missing from your story. The gap between a happy confident person and someone who has sex without affection being involved when that person claims to just want somene to love.
No demands. Most people want someone with at least some attributes. Kind, or succesful or have a job, but you just want someone who loves you. That's it?
Going out on a limb here. The guy you had sex with, did you hope that in exchange for the sex they might show you some affection? Is that why the FWB thing is not for you? Because you didn't get affection out of it?
Just speculating here, because a reasonably attractive confident happy woman would A: not be asking for someone who only loves her and B: not engage in FWB relations if what she is looking for is love and not sex for the fun of it.
But a simple answer is to look at yourself through a man's eye. Most women often ask why they can't meet a guy of type X but never ask themselves what they got to off a guy of type X. How do you appear to your male friends? Why are they friend but say "hell no" to the idea of you as their gf? Or are you the one who is saying that?
A
female
reader, Alexiedos +, writes (22 July 2009):
 You dont need boyfriends you just want the one right? well you need to stop unconciously giving out desperate signals and definately dont talk about how much you want a boyfriend. You need to be independant cause most guys love that! Go out with your mates and look like your having a great time by yourself and look sexy. If you find a guy be yourself and dont make him feel you want to marry him or something straight away.
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A
male
reader, urbanking99 +, writes (22 July 2009):
Personally you may be being like many people your age. You're being too choosy and probably wondering what your peer group will think of your choice. My advice would be to see loads of people of different age ranges and see what each person has to offer. See which one excites you the most and the one you ultimately miss the most. If the person you like, likes you, they will make the effort providing they have the confidence to do so. Don't go chasing them make them earn you. Everybody has something to offer no matter what age the person they are.One thing - don't cut off your FWB as you both from time to time may need the physical pleasure - unless of course you find someone!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 July 2009):
Well how many new guys are you meeting and flirting with in the average week?Boyfriends don't fall out of the sky, so when you go out, make sure you look great and flirt a bit. Make sure your body language says "talk to me, I'm available" rather than "alright mate, see the footy last week?" or "OMG I'M TERRIFIED!!!!"Talk to a close friend about it. They know you and will probably know what you are doing wrong, but will be too polite to say. Tell them you want them to be honest.Go out, join new groups, meet new people.Good Luck!! xx
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