A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, i just need a kick up the backside off you guys please. i'm 36 and am back living at home after i got divorced he cheated on me and bled me and my folks dry.. i'm back in my old bedroom, bored and poor.. i had to go bankrupt so most of my wages go to paying the bankcruptcy fee and for the divorce as he didnt pay his half, i also pay keep.. i have a good job and great poeple there but it is stressful and i have a dod who i adore.. i feel i have nothing else, i feel a failure and worthless, i would like to be in a relationship now its been 2 years and i woudl love to be loved and settle down and have a family but i cant find anyone, people say i'm fun and pretty but i'm so low, i gte offers but nothing ever comes of it.. i met a great guy but stupidly slept with him on the 2nd date, i dont know why i did it??? hes been distant since and again i blame myself.. people say i cant believe your still single but i constantly get let down.. i'm disappointed and down constantly and it will be about 3 months to i finish paying for my divorce.. i am so low, the doctor suggested i see a councillor but wouldnt they just think oh heres another girl banging on that they havent got a guy?? i have suffered from depression before.. i am so bored, so low and feel i have little to offer anyone, probably why no ones wants me , what can you guys suggest... argh i hate feeling this low
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bankrupt, cheated on me, divorce, living at home Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your responses, its just like i get into this dark depressed mood its ike a totally different person.. i do need to speak to someone and i will... and i totally agree with the whole if i cant love me i cant expect anyone else too as i do have a lot to give, i think i'm just panicking as i'm 37 in november and i want to be happy and have a little family of my own.. one day maybe, small steps etc but either way i'll do what i can to make sure i dont get into that dark mood again xx
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 I think some therapy is a GREAT idea. If you already have struggled with depression you probably are struggling with it now too… I strong suggest that you see the doctor and a counselor and work on those issues….
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): I would take the first step to improving your life and see a counsiller, get all the negative stuff off your chest.
You've taken the brunt of the divorce and bankrupcy and are in a way,back at square one.
In your favour, you have a goood job you enjoy,alot don't even have a job. You had somewhere to go when life fell apart, beats being homeless or in a B&B. You are healthy and in the best years, older and wiser.
So, along with counselling, start taking steps to get you out,weathers getting better, go running,or get a dog and walk it, great way to meet people. Your in a temporary phase, it will pass because thats how life is.When your smiling people notice you,approach you,you will meet and date men eventually.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you? That sounds like a harsh statement, but its one that I've always found helpful personally.
Sorry you're going through tough times, but you need to change your attitude and just keep soldiering on as best you can. Things will turn around.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Being single is certainly tough -- especially when it is compounded by loneliness.
It does sound like you've had some success however with dating. While they haven't been keepers, you are still getting offers. At our age, finding someone who meets the criteria that we are looking for is tough. People are set in their ways, have children, or come with baggage of their own. It gets progressively harder, especially in our 30's and 40's.
On the bright side though, you do have some wisdom and you do know what you want. While loneliness is painful, I hope you don't succumb to it. Know that there are plenty of good, kind men who will find you attractive and worthwhile to know. They won't sleep with you and not call you. And they will treat you the way you expect to be treated. And they won't cheat on you. The catch is that you have to find them and be receptive to meeting people -- and most importantly realize you deserve a good mate.
When I see people suffering from loneliness and depression, I do urge them to take gratitude. It does sound like you have a decent job and your divorce payments will be over soon. From the sounds of it, you have caught men's attention -- so you have a lot going for yourself.
However, I'd urge you to get out of yourself. Start exercising, participate in community events, say something nice to someone, strike up a conversation with someone new -- just to get out of yourself. You'll feel good knowing that you can interact with people and it will build up your self-esteem that you are a worthwhile and kind person. And with that new sense of self-worth, you'll know how to spot the losers.
Life is what you make of it and if you allow yourself to be saddled with depression and loneliness, you will lose what could potentially be the best years of your life. However, if you feel you need to see a therapist about your sadness, I urge you to do so. They can be cathartic in getting the pain and resentment behind your divorce out in the open and give you the tools to move past this challenging part of your life.
I wish you the best and good luck.
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