A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling confused and I don't think that's a good sign... I've been dating a girl for nearly 2 months now (not long, I know). She really is lovely and we have so much in common, but for reasons I can't understand, I just don't feel like I'm warming up to her. I am the first boyfriend she's ever had and she is obviously fond of me. Everything about having a boyfriend is bright and shiny to her and it's really very sweet, but I just feel like something is missing and I can't figure out what it is.I worry I might just be over thinking things. I have fallen for previous girlfriends and have declared my love for them after a short time, on some occasions within a matter of months (note, I have only ever loved 3 women in my life). But at the moment I don't feel like I'm in love, or feel like I'm falling in love with my current girlfriend and that scares me. What is holding me back?Admittedly my current girlfriend is a little bigger than my previous partners. I still think she's cute, but in truth, she isn't as attractive as some of my previous partners. I know that's an awful thing to say and please believe me that I get no joy from admitting that. Could this be a reason? Am I really that shallow? Obviously she is very new and inexperienced when it comes to sex. We aren't as compatible in the bedroom as I have been with other girls (again, I take no joy in saying that whatsoever) Could this be to blame? She can't help it that she's new! She will obviously get better with time, so why should this be a problem for me? Could it be that I'm just comparing her to my ex's too much? Like I said, I fell for some of them faster than I'm falling for my new girl, so is it that thought that is holding me back? I'm so confused! I'm over all my previous partners, so why do I continue to make comparisons?As you can tell, I'm all over the place. I care a lot for this girl, but I really am concerned that I don't feel like she's growing on me. What is the cause of these mixed feelings? Why aren't I falling for her when I so want to? Please help! Thanks you in advance.
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male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (15 December 2011):
I can think of two reasons:1. You're not really sure why you're even with her in the first place. Trust me, this isn't that uncommon and its definitely happened to me. Maybe you were friends with this girl, noticed that she started to like you, and after a long period of being single you begin to think "Hey, its nice to feel loved again and I enjoy not feeling so alone." Eventually, she wants the relationship to get more and more serious as it starts to drift away from a friendship and into the realm of "bf/gf", and you aren't exactly stopping her because, well, you don't feel any objection to it.Like you said she's cute, she's kind, and you get along with her really well. But in the end, did you even want to be in this relationship? Or did it just kind of happen because you're single and the "hey, why not" mentality sort of stepped in? If this is the case, you need to be honest with her right away. If you're her first boyfriend (and probably her first sexual partner), then she already has a HUGE attachment to her. If you think that any of what I described above is true, then please tell her right away and be honest. Yeah, it will probably hurt her, but it'll only be worse if you let her continue to get deeper in love with you.2. The other reason you could be uncertain about it is because you're guarding your heart this time around. (This is assuming that #1 is false and that you really did want to be in a relationship with this girl) As you've said, you've been in relationships in the past where you've declared your love for some of your girlfriends, and seeing as the relationships ended, it likely has left you more wary of where/when to expose your heart.There is nothing wrong with this. Relationships aren't always "First date sparks and fireworks" sorts of things that Hollywood makes them out to be. Sometimes they just take more time and a lot more work, especially after you've been through this tango before. If this is the case, I suggest just giving it more time. Just because you've been together for two months doesn't mean you need to decide whether you love her or not. For now, just be okay with having a girlfriend and being happy. No love required. Maybe someday your heart will change and she'll really surprise you, or maybe she's just not the one.
A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (15 December 2011):
 Well... It's been two months now? I feel that you would have known from the beginning if you were in love with this girl. ;) It looks like your giving the relationship a fair chance. Chemistry is so important, It's everything. I have dated guys in the past and thought they were attractive but something was just missing. One guy was a best friend of mine, a wonderful person and really attractive. He fell in love with me. He even proposed marriage(surprisingly) I had to turn him down, I just wasn't feeling it and wished that I did because he was such a nice guy. You will know right away when you meet the love of your life. It won't be questionable ;) Good luck to you!
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (15 December 2011):
I think you really need to provide some explanation as to how or why you got off with one another as bf and gf in the first place : usually there has to be either sexual attraction [ you get hard in your pants when you are with her and can't wait to get them off and get it inside her ] Or some kind of intellectual hitting it off / being on the same wavelength so that you at least enjoy one another's company even if the trousers remain 'at ease'. |You don't describe either of these things going on. So how exactly did you become an item ?How often do you meet and how often do you have sex ? Is the latter at least enjoyable when you do it ? Don't under any circs whatever mention her weight. If you ended up having a really good relationship fulfilling for both of you she would prob knock off the comfort eating cause she'd get all the comfort she needed from you.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): Why are you dating this girl in the first place? It doesn't sound like you have romantic feelings for her. You keep saying she is a great girl, has wonderful qualities but clearly you are not attracted to her physically and that explains your lack of emotions towards her.
You have only been together 2 months, so the passion should still be there, you guys should be crazy about each other, but clearly you are not feeling it with her. I would say be fair and honest to her and to yourself, leave the relationship and find someone you are attracted to physically and mentally. It sounds like you see her as a friend rather than a girlfriend. I would advise you break up with her and stop leading her on before she gets really hurt and fall for you.
That's my two cents.
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