A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm so depressed. I'm 30years old and got married to a 65 year old 2months ago. We dated for 3years online, however i've visited and lived with him for a period of 3months condensed. This guy is weird- he has no friends at all, he doesn't watch tv or listen to music i.e 100% hates them. His life revolves around his computer working, going to buy groceries and taking his morning and evening walks. He even hates animals/pets. Not literary, but he finds them a big nuisance and can't understand why people have pets. He has no hobbies, and thinks old people who meet to play chess, or even golf to pass time, are losers who have nothing better to do with their lifes claiming that such a situation will never arise in his life. The times we've been together, i have developed serious boredom episodes because i'm exactly his opposite. I love life- not drinking, partying or such. But i'm naturally a very happy person, who loves laughter, however its not the case when i'm around him. He is so uptight in life- bringing up subjects he only considers mature and academic. Not unless i bring up a social subject, he never will. He has grown up sons who also seem to avoid spending time with him. Oh, and he is divorced. And the mother of all this confusion is that i'm now pregnant with his baby. I'm currently living away from him as i await my papers to reside in his country to be processed. And thoughts of living with him give me cold shivers. Pls advise. I once tried watching tv and he came sat by my side and really pretended to enjoy it, but i felt it was all fake since one day in a hotel room i switched on a tv and he irritatedly said'switch that thing off'. On another occasion, i decided to have my laptop in another room and not the study as i wanted to listen to music and didn't want to disturb him working, he however insisted that it was much better if i listened to it in the study. I tried it but a minute later i felt i was disturbing him and switched it off. Why do i feel they were means of trying to control me? Or was he genuine? On the same issue, he never shows any negative emotions. I might have done something which has hurt him, all he does is go to a quite sad cacoon. It will be my work to start asking what is wrong etc, on the contrary, i'm an open book. If you wrong me, i'll immediately tell you so. HELP. And please don't ask why i married him in the first place. It has happened and such questions wouldn't change my situations. What is the way forward. How do i make it work? Is it divorce to a 2month husband i've not lived with yet? *sigh* life is complicated
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female
reader, Nonamus  +, writes (2 March 2011):
From the outside looking in, this looks like a green card marriage. You never said anything about love. Do you love this man or not? If you love him, you will be able to compromise and learn to live together. If no love, your life is going to suck.
A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (1 March 2011):
I know that you have said, please don't ask why you married him, but I am afraid that I must ask this question! Why on earth DID you you marry him?
All these things that you say about him, being weird because he doesnt watch tv, or listen to music or that he doesnt like animals..... it doesnt actually mean he is weird at all... it means that you actually have nothing in common with this man at all.
For some reason, all this doesnt ring true to me... you say you are married, but then had to mention "oh and he is divorced", well yes, surely he is divorced if he has married you.
Why oh why did you marry this man... I feel that there is more to this than meets the eye??
I really don't know what advice to give, because this relationship is doomed!
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (1 March 2011):
 It seems that any time spent with him is not very pleasant for you. I know you have gotten yourself into a pickle by getting pregnant, but how long do you think you will actually be able to live like that?
Judging by the tone of your post, I don't think you will last very long. You are well aware of the differences that make this union intolerable. At 65 years of age, I do not think he is going to change.
If I were in your shoes I would stick it out as long as I could, so long as the man was not abusive in any way. You did make a choice to marry this man, and now you are going to have his child, so you you owe it to him to try and make it work.
Once you have the baby that will consume much of your time. You may find an outlet socializing with other mothers at the various activities that bring mothers of small children together.
There is one thing I am curious about. If this man does not like noise and commotion, how will he respond to having a newborn in the house? Also, since you are so opposite, I think it would be a good idea to sit down and discuss the specifics of living together. Marriage, as you must know, involves much compromise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): I'm not sure what to tell you except that he is at an age where it is highly unlikely that he will want to or be able to change. Especially given the description you've given of him. You are much younger than him and I don't think you want you or your child to live your lives this way.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 March 2011):
 I do have a question, and it's not "why did you marry him"? However, it has a real bearing on the type of advice here.You said you had an online relationship with him for 3 years? Why do you feel you didn't get a good sense of who he was from that relationship, and did he mislead himself in any way?Also, you said you're pregnant with his child? Is he well off and has the financial means in order to help you care for your baby?
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