A
male
age
30-35,
*laine
writes:Ok, I am 18 years old. i have met a beautiful girl, who means everything to me. I love her personality, the way she smiles, and the way she laughes. everything about her is inviting. I met her 6 months ago. We werent offcially going out, but we were acting like bf and gf. we both knew we love eachother. at first, she didnt want a relationship because she wanted to go to bars and partys. she used to sleep around with 2 other guys while telling me she loved me. but we were not going out. Dont get me wrong, she loves me, i know this already, and i love her so much. but one day i got her best friend to ask her what she actually thought about me. and her best friend said she said i was clingy and annoying and kinda creepy... so i flipped out at her, telling her that im never talking to her again, and that she lied to me saying that everything was fine when it wasnt. she cried so much on the phone :( and she didnt want me to leave... and to prove she loved me , she asked me out... So thats all fine. We are happy now :) and things couldnt get anybetter... we are going out officially for a month now. and she turned 19 2 weeks before we started going on. anywho. She started going to the bars. I am worried she is going to meet someone better than me cause she is absolutely beautiful... and i trust her, im just a little worried about the fact that she asks these 2 random guys to go out to the bar with her on facebook. she took a picture of her and this guy when she first went out...and whenever she is over i glance at the text message and she texts him...i just see his name. anyways this guy is way better looking than me. i asked her if she likes him anymore than a friend, and she said no... that she loves me and she truly does. but today she asked 2 random guys to go to the bars with her.... and they are both single. i just dont understand....everytime i question her about this, she simply tells me i have nothing to worry about, and she is content with me.Am i overeacting ? or should i question this behavior more... i just dont no what to do... i love her, and she loves me, but i hate the bars so much... ADVICE , PLEASEEE! :))))))
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 She sounds like she is not ready to give up the single life yet, by going out to bars frequently with other guys it is clear she is not ready for a committed relationship.
There is not much you can do here - either accept that this is the way she is and let her get on with it, or you can end it. She is too young to be asked to settle down yet; she will resent you if you stop her from having her fun. it all depends on what you want - if you want a committed mature relationship based on trust and respect, your just not going to find it in this girl.
But if you are ok with her going out to bars with single guys, then it is ok for you to do the same thing (as in you can go out to bars without her and meet girls there). It would be an open relationship I guess, where you both have feelings for each other but still see other people.
It is just down to you to decide what you want. But whatever you do, dont make any ultimatums or demand for her to stop seeing other people, it will only push her away.
I hope this helps!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): There is never just one person for anyone. Only naive humans believe otherwise. An individual will change. Some faster, others slower until they reach a certain emotional and mental threshold. Your lover is young and she is now able to see and experience the world in her immediate surroundings more freely than before. No doubt, will she find people whom may connect with her on a level natural to how she has been built. If you worry and it's apparent that you do, you will only continue to worry. There is no guarantee she will not fall for someone else. The only thing(s) you can do, is to take your time to build up yourself for yourself. All types of relationships go through trial and error. It is not impossible to meet and connect with one partner and live with that person forever, but it is also possible to meet and disconnect multiple times over as well.Know that the more you try to persuade and push her to a corner, the more she will feel imprisoned by your insecurities. What is more sad: to see a caged bird all to yourself or a bird that is able to sore to the skies freely with the chance it may leave forever?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): You do soung clingy and overbearing. She properly sees these guys as her buddies, nothing more. You do need to back off, she's only 19 and yes she will want to go out to bars without you. How would you like it if you were told, never to go to a bar alone again once you were in a relationship?
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A
male
reader, SlackersACE1  +, writes (11 March 2009):
You can go to bars at 19 in Canada? The States are lame. I'm goin with cellia on this one, she sounds like she just feels like having you as a part of a collection. Forget her bruddah and hit a party yourself.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (11 March 2009):
 When you say random guys, do you mean she is asking guys SHE doesn't know to meet up with her at bars?Or are these male friends of hers that YOU dont know?If it's the first one, then I personally would end things if I were in the same boat. It's disrespectful and no sane person in a relationship behaves that way.If it's male friends, well it's not as bad, but why aren't you the one she's inviting out to bars?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Dump her. Get a girl that will respect you and is ready for a committed relationship.She is using you as a safety net. I'm sorry, but this is the truth. You need to find yourself an honest girl who will cherish you as much as you would her.Good luck :)
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