A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. Around this time last year I fell pregnant and had an abortion. I have regretted this ever since. We have now decided to have a baby, we will be 20 when it is born. I want this baby but im scared of what my mum and dad will say they supported me when I had an abortion but I'm scared now because I want to keep this one! Please help! Thanks x
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female
reader, Variety +, writes (15 March 2008):
 I'm a little worried about your reasons for wanting this child. Was the baby you aborted from the same guy? If so then don't rush into having another one because of guilt. It takes a while for the female body to settle down after being pregnant and you will still be very emotional. Take some time to think about this before you go ahead. Maybe if you feel the same way in three months then you could go about telling your parents how you feel.
Hope this helps. Message me if you want to talk. x
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 Are you still in school? Do you have a job? Does your bf have a job? Before worrying about what anyone else thinks, plz think this through for yourself.....
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (15 March 2008):
 I know you desperately want this baby and guilt is playing a huge part in replacing the baby you aborted.
Yes you are an age when the decision is yours but a 2 year relationship is not something that I would say is so sound. Are you going to make a committment to one another and if not who's name will this baby carry - yours or your boyfriends. If you split up he has rights to a degree but not over essential things if you are not married.
You both obviously chose to have the abortion because you both felt too young to cope. 1 year on has not given you both a wealth of experience in life it has however made you think about the child you got rid of.
Don't rush into this right now, your body needs time to recover as well as after any pregnancy they say it takes 2 years to truly be ready again to have another pregnancy, hormones raging and everything. The abortion has put you through all sorts of hormonal changes and this could be why you feel so desperate now to have a child.
There is never a right time to have a child but having enough money to get through it all is helpful believe me. Don't just think that you will get everything you want, if you are hard up then yes you can get lots of things given to you from friends and family sometimes but this is never guaranteed. If you want this perfect picture of everything new for your tiny bundle of joy then you need extremely deep pockets full of money to cover this.
The time of spending starts from day one with milk or not if you breastfeed but food, a roof over your head and money to pay all the bills and rent etc. If you have a job now remember you only get so long for maternity pay and also you go down to a very basic amount after so many weeks. If you need to go back to work then you have to have someone you trust to look after your baby or you need money to cover a nursery and they do not come cheap.
When your child reaches 2 or 2 and a half you do get some subsidies for childcare but they are dependent on you for a long time and at 4 and a half cost of uniforms for school also mount up.
I am not trying to be a downer but more a realist as you need to think about the whole picture and not just a beautiful baby as there is sleepless nights, nappies and lots of them and again a packet of those is not cheap. If you struggle now financially the only help you would get is some child allowance and maybe some credits if you are on a low income.
If your relationship does not survive this child coming into your lives is it back to mum and dad and how would they feel about it as you would still be at an age that you don't want to sit in with your baby every night so what happens then?
One last point, did you or your partner ever have any counselling after the abortion? If not then perhaps you need to talk your thoughts through with someone now before it is too late. Just arm yourself with as much information as possible and if you are still sure it is the right decision then at least you have covered every aspect of your joint decision, if so then I wish all the best.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): You are over 18 and you have both decided on having the baby and it isnt just a one sided affair. Tell your parents how you feel and just explain that you were too young when you had the abortion but you love him and you both want to be together forever and have a baby in the future. Because you are over 18 you dont have to ask their permission or tell them either if you dont want to. Do you both work and have a place together. Maybe it would be wise to get that sorted out first and have you little nest ready for the baby to live with you in.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): your parents probably wont understand why you want to do this, and will probably try to talk you out of it. this isnt because theyre angry, its because they will want the best for their daughter- think about it-having a baby will postpone many great opportunities for you... uni, jobs...
and i know that you and your boyfriend are happy together now, but what happens in a few years when you decide this wasnt the best idea you ever had. a baby is a huge responsibility!!
talk to your parents about it- tell them how you are feeling. they may be angry at first, but in the end they will accept that it is what you want- remember all they probably want is for their daughter to have a good life and be happy.
please do listen to my advice- it may seem very scary but youve got to do what will make YOU happy.
you never know- you might be hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet very soon
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