A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think my new guy's a racist. He says jokes that I don't like. I told him this but he keeps saying them. Maybe he just says them because he was raised in well, let's just say not my area of town and is ignorant of other peoples cultures. Should I come out and ask him if he is? I like him when he is not saying those stupid jokes. He seems like he is a good person then out of nowhere he says something stupid. I told him that my ex was not of my race and watched to see his reaction he didn't say much. Then I said that I was one of the most non racist persons he will probably ever meet. He said in this day in age you can't be racist. What the hell does that mean? He then said he has many friends that are not his race. Maybe he only knows racist jokes and is not racist. Or maybe he is but if he is why does he still call me I need to know. I could never get married to a racist person I have cousins that are biracial and i'm just aginst it. It's morally wrong.Should I have a talk with him about how I feel or should I wait to see more clues? My guess is he will deny it. How can I get him to tell me how he realy feels? Help.
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female
reader, vanessadazed +, writes (15 November 2008):
well most racist people won't admit they are racist i don't think. so if you asked then he probably wouldn't tell you. but some people are just conditioned to say racial things but that doesn't mean they mean it. i'm also biracial and it's interesting what people will say to you about certain races when they are unaware that you are indeed half of that race. it's sad but its a reality. so it sucks that he says things like that but its completely normal and i think if it gets excessive just ask him not to say stuff like that around you and if he doesn't listen he's probably not the guy for you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): He sounds kind of like the, "I don't hate black people, I just hate the ones that are niggers" type. Put him in a room with person of a different race who is otherwise very similiar to him, and he'll do fine.Put him in a room with a different-raced person who is also from a different economic/social background that he doesn't have much experience with . . . and look out, racism ahead.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (15 March 2008):
 There is a difference between just knowing racist jokes and saying them. Knowing them is, in my view, okay, because someone else might've said them. But if you have told him that him saying these jokes makes you feel uncomfortable, and he still says them, then he is overstepping your boundaries that you have set. He may mistake you as trying to control him, when really you are only trying to set boundaries. My bf has said some pretty racist jokes as well, and I have confronted him about it. He knows that it is sad that he thinks the way he does about blacks, and that he is in the wrong, but because of things in his past that have happened to him (ie a black man held him at gun point and stole his car) his new ways of thinking are going to DIE HARD. And his half-brother is black!!!! He says he doesn't like the black part of his brother.....Problem is is in this day and age black has been associated with rap, fast cars, honeys, etc. etc., but that is not what being black is all about at all, and sometimes certain white people tend to confuse these things as the definitions of being black. My suggestion is to talk with him, but not openly come out and say "Are you a racist?" But instead ask him how he feels about people of all races. Ask him are they as smart as everyone else? Does he view everyone as equal? If he doesn't feel this way ask him why and try to understand why he thinks the way he does. Don't condemn him for why he thinks the way he does, but don't condone it, either. If he thinks a certain way, because of circumstances, who knows? Maybe one day he will find out that he was wrong when he meets different people in his life who don't fit in with his views of how they "should be" because of their race, and maybe his ways of thinking will change. We all have our own prejudices that we don't want to admit, or that we don't even realize are there, because of our backgrounds and our experiences in life. Sometimes our prejudices are ingrained in us as defense mechanisms as well. For example, a woman might be afraid of men, because all of her life they have treated her like crap! It is up to us to work on ourselves, and possibly work with others to change these ways of thinking in order to be like the people that we once were.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 Tricky, the fact is that people who tell prejeudiced jokes often do not consider themselves to be so and you are probably right; he will deny it and bring up his friends as no doubt being proof of that. Whether they actually are or not is a question that is open to debate. I would say that they do represent some kind of subconscious prejeudice but others may disagree with that.
However, the bottom line is that you find these jokes offensive and your cousins are likely to too so that should be enough to argue he should cut them out. Even if he isnt really prejeudiced then his refusal to try and change his behaviour reflects some level of insensitivity towards your feelings. I can understand your feelings about this because I would find it hard to be with somebody whos values and belifes in life were so dramatically opposed to my own. I think you should talk to him now and see what he says before this goes too far...good luck :)
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