A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am having a hard time right now and I really don't know where to turn. I an 19 years old and was with my boyfriend for a little over a year when I found out I was pregnant. He already has a 4 year old son and I thought from the start he wouldn't want another but he was very excited. I was still living at home because I am in college and didn't really feel the need to move out right then. We decided not to tell our parents right away and I was sorta living with him in his apartment. Things were going perfectly until I ended up having a miscarriage. This really hit him hard and at times I thought he was more upset then I was. About 3 months later I was pregnant again. I know I should have been more careful after getting pregnant the first time but having a baby doesn't seem like the end of the world to me. I am excited and know I can give this baby all the love in the world. But here's my problem, Before I told him I decided to go to the Dr to make sure everything was alright and the baby was healthy so far. I didn't want him to go through that again just incase something was wrong with my body and I just couldn't have children. Well, the appt went perfect so I went right to his house to tell him. We both sat down on the couch and I told him and he said "Get the F*** out. I don't want anything to do with you or your baby." This has me not only very upset but confused, seeing as how he was so excited before and couldn't wait. But to make matters worse when I told me mom she kicked me out. She said I can't live there if I'm going to have a baby. So I have no place to stay until I can get my feet on the ground and have no support from him. There's no way I can go back to college in the fall because my mom won't pay anymore. So I guess my question would be where do I go? What do I do? I don't have very reliable friends and no family around these parts. Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated also.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): Well, you are in a very tough situation.
However, you say you are mature enough to have sex and therefore are mature enough to keep the baby.
My dear, you are being unrealistic. It doesn't take a lot of "maturity" to have sex - not when 13, 14 year old girls who are still children themselves, get into it, either because their hormones are driving them to, or because their boyfriends want it. Are they "mature" enough at that age to raise a baby? No way!
You tell us your boyfriend will not support you in this second pregnancy, and your mother has kicked you out, and she will not pay for your college education.
You say you will have "all the love in the world" for the baby and that having a baby is not the end of the world. Again, you are being unrealistic and wanting what YOU want. Love by itself is just not enough. You have to be practical. "Love" isn't going to pay for diapers, baby food, clothes, pediatricians bills, and on and on, ad infinitum - and believe me, you'll find THAT out soon enough!
You have no job, nowhere to live and are putting your future in jeopardy by not finishing your college education.
How in the heck do you think you are going to look after, pay for and educate a baby 24/7 for the next twenty years or so?! Because that's what you are facing. A humdrum job, not much social life, no boyfriend into the bargain.
If you insist on going through with the pregnancy, at least give it up for adoption to a couple who ALSO want a child, and have the wherewithal to not only love it but the means to bring it up.
But better to have an abortion. I think you should read and pay close attention to what Rhythmandblues has written. That's the best advice you've received so far.
However, I know this is not what you want to hear. Still, if you insist on going your own way, reality will teach you how hard its going to be.
And no, I'm not going to tell you everything will be okay - because it won't - not unless you change your attitude and your plans.
A
female
reader, azzy  +, writes (18 June 2007):
if you are going to have your baby then i wish you all the luck in the world at least your baby is wanted and for that im sure it will be loved. Im sure your boy friend will come round to the idea once he realise that your not going to loose this baby and may be this might help you both deal with the grief from the baby that you lost.I cant understand your mum a mother is surpose to protect and surport you no matter whos write or wrong but at the end of the day you are carrying her grandchild and i cant belive she doesnt want to help you. i would advise you to try and get a job if possible babys dont come cheap! think of college as taking a year out because for the for see able future its not going to be possible to pay for college and baby. you dont mention your father is he around? could he help in any way ? yu seem a very mature and i hope things work out for you and your baby x x x
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A
female
reader, azzy +, writes (18 June 2007):
have you tried speaking to your boy friend and your mum since telling them that you were pregnant could they have acted in this way cause of the shock? if you have and they are still being hard on you then you are going to have to make a few hard choices are you going to go a head and be a single mum, have an abortion and go back to your mum and finish college and may be one day have a baby when you are finacally stable. if you keep the baby the if your boyfriends wants the baby of not he is still responsable to make pay ments towards the up bringing. but first thing is first where are you stayin at the moment? is their a baby mother hostel that you can go in?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): The harsh reality is that your attitude that a baby would not be the end of the world, is what got you into this predicament twice. You have an agenda of getting pregnant and you suceeded....Your boyfriend is angry because you did not take precautions to avoid another pregnancy, are you trying to trap him into marrying you?
I am astounded that you are smart enough to be in college, but not smart enough not to get pregnant while you are going through school and unmarried.
Although, I don't agree with your mom kicking you out, I sympathize with her, she can't do anything with you, she can't make you stop having her grandchildren that she will end up raising and financially supporting when she is trying to put your spoiled ass through college by making sacrifices for you and paying a lot of money to help you get a leg up in the world, and this is how you repay her.
You are very selfish....you should consider that yours is not the only life affected by having a baby. I think abortion is a viable option for you, but you have to decide what to do and apparantly those who have tried to support you are through with you making the same mistake twice....these are the consequences of having unprotected sex before you are able to support a baby....if you want something to love, get a dog.
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A
female
reader, Dojha +, writes (18 June 2007):
 hi anon,
your situation is quite a tough one. your boyfriend is dealing with the miscarraige in a way that you might not understand but certainly give him some time to get over it.
your mom may have kicked you out but dont let that discourage you. i had a college mate who was pregnant and still made her way through to college so you can do it too just be strong. i would also suggest that to pay for your college fees, you try to look for a part-time or temporary job so that you can pay for it yourself if your mom wouldnt.
Try to find out about accomodation for homeless people in america. i'm sure the american government has some support available so dont give up in that area too.
you're a young woman and you still have your whole life ahead of you. In the future all those who deserted you in your time of need will realise their mistake when they see how strong and independent you have become.
I hope you're encouraged.
Let's know how ur doing.
Tk cr,
dojha.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wouldn't dream of having an abortion. I was mature enough to have sex so I am going to be mature enough to keep my baby. I know we will get through this even if no one want to help me. I just need someone to tell me it's all going to be ok :)
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (18 June 2007):
 I'm not condoning what your boyfriend has done but I can see maybe where his feelings have come from. He may have not gotten over your misscarriage and yet months later you say you are pregnant again. The fear you are going through over the baby being ok he's going through to, plus the mourning over the misscarriage. When he has calmed down try and talk to him.
I don't know how things work in the States but we have council flats and you can apply as a homeless person for a place to live if your parents have kicked you out.
I'm pregnant myself and was really unsure of how my partner was going to take the fact I'm pregnant, and how my family were going to take it as I was due to start uni in Sept.
xxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, ladybug  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 Sad to hear that honey, but no matter how complicated your situation is, the best thing that you can do is to keep the baby, shes all you've got, about your boyfriend, perhaps he's also having hard time to recover from what happened on your first pregnancy, give him enough tym to think. If you got nowhere to go, you could have a little apartment and work for sometime to sustain your needs and your baby's but make sure to take it easy to avoid another miscarriage again, you could also ask for forgiveness to your mom im sure she's only depressed about you condition, sooner or later everything will be ok think positive and have faith, problems are made to be solved.
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A
female
reader, so_in_love +, writes (18 June 2007):
To be honest, I think the only reason that your boyfriend has said that is because he is scared of the same thing happening to this baby and he really doesn't want to get attached. Maybe try ringing him and talking about it?
I really do feel for you, sweetie. This must be hard for you. Try not to get too stressed though, it won't be good for your baby.
As I see it you have a few choices. Try talking things over with your boyfriend. Explain the situation to your mum. Try and stay with some friends. Or in the most extreme case, have an abortion, however considering how happy you seem at being pregnant, I really wouldn't advise that.
I hope you're ok.
xxxx
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