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female
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*risheyes
writes: i have been dating a guy for 18 months, i have never met any of his family, even while doing a car boot sale his parents were there talking to him and he never introduced me when i asked if they knew who i was he said no sure they have never seen you before. I have told him how i feel, like a secret but he still hasnt done anything about it. He doesnt include me in any future plans, doesnt have money for us to go out the odd time but could go out with mates,c omes to my house everynight, never spent a day with me though. I'm 37 he is 32 and although a lovely guy he is selfish. I didnt see him last christmas day, and i will be on my own this yr as he says he is going to his sisters inlaws with his family. i feel very hurt, i feel i dont really mean anything to him. any ideas?????
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male
reader, Prada +, writes (24 November 2006):
To be honest i dont see why you woud want to be with someone like that it is clear that his feelings are not very strong for you seeing as though he is going to leave you alone on chistmas.You realy need to start puttig the pressure on him telling him that he needs to introduce you to his family otherwise you are going to walk.Because after 18months if he was really serious you would have met all of his family members by now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006): Your mum knows you best, listen to her :)
Why not make a point of telling your boyfriend you would like to officially meet his parents. Have dinner together, or something. If he is reluctant, you know there is a problem. But perhaps it is not you - perhaps it has something to do with the relationship between him and his parents. This is one of those tests for a relationship, you need to communicate all of these things on your mind to him, and he needs to be able to put your mind at ease. If he can not do this, then you are with the wrong guy, perhaps.
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A
female
reader, irisheyes +, writes (23 November 2006):
irisheyes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou both, my mum says im stressed and might be reading to much into it, but understands things he has said like he doesnt need life insurance because its only if you have loved ones to save them the hassle of money for burial...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): Dear Irisheyes,
You say this man is "a lovely guy", but I see no evidence of that here. If he was serious about your relationship, he shoould certainly have introduced you to his family well before 18 months of dating. And denying he knew you to his parents is simply disgraceful!
I hate to say it, but I suspect he is using you for the sex (is that where the "lovely guy" bit comes in, i.e. when sex might be on the cards?).
Whatever, you MUST refuse to be treated like this any longer and dump him for the sake of your sanity and self-respect.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (23 November 2006):
 dear irisheyes,
deep down you probably know the answer to your question, don't you?
when someone really cares for you, they will embrace you
in all parts of their lives. some things are difficult to share and it takes time to truly let another person in. but it seems that this guy hasn't even started on that path with you. it appears that he hasn't moved an inch in opening his heart, his life, his world to you. you say you have already told him how you feel. i think its rotten of him to ignore your feelings. and i think it is plain awful of him to leave you alone this christmas.
this man isn't treating you as he should. you say he is a lovely guy and perhaps you just aren't the right person for him. perhaps another lady would help to bring out his better qualities. this is nothing bad about you, it is his selfishness, and it is your misfortune that you have fallen in love with the wrong guy.
my advice would be to be brave and move on. there's too many bad signs that this relationship isn't going to make you happy in the long run. be brave and keep those Irish eyes keep smiling...
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