A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a couple of dilemmas.I just broke up with the father of my baby for some pretty good reasons:-still using (I'm a former user, cannot have those people in my life)-still getting drunk (I hate drinkers)-lying to me-lying to my father about my "secrets" which weren't true-threatened to kill my baby after I broke up with him if I didn't get an abortion (I'm not getting an abortion)I'm sure there's more I can't think of.I feel guilty that my baby won't have a father figure in its life, that being if my ex never changes down the road.I know it's best for me and my child to not have an unstable user in our lives, but I feel like it's not fair.I'm not that attractive and I'm 18 and going to be having a kid. That's not exactly the criteria young men are looking for and I feel that if the biolocial father is not the figure, my child will never have one. What should I do about this?My second concern is my living conditions.I currently live with my parents but it's such a stressful environment 80% of the time.It is stressful whenever my father is around. I'm jobless because I quit my last job and it is hard as hell to find a job. My father hold everything over my head if I do something slightly wrong. He doesn't understand how this pregnancy is acting upon me and it's draining me of my energy.I also got off my anti-depressants for bipolar since I've gotten pregnant so his stress doesn't help.I'm overweight and my sister is perfect-looking. He is a pervert and gives her more attention because he is attracted to her. It bothers her but she puts up with it because he spoils her.I have about 6 months left in my pregancy and have failed to find a job. I will not be able to afford to take care of this child on my own, but I don't know if I can handle living with my parents while my dad is always breathing down my neck. Have any of you had roomates while you have had a kid? What should I do about my living situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just feel like I'm going to end up giving the father multiple chances, since it's in my history to given everyone a billion chances.I always have faith that people will change since I've had the opportunity and it worked out great for me-I made a complete 180.But at the same time, I feel like the father will always be the same and will never care for the child as much as I do.I would hate to live in a stressful environment for my kid, I want the best for it, of course.I'm due in October so I can't start school right away. With all the costs ahead of me, I feel like I'll never be able to get myself on my feet to successfully move out and raise my child and work and go to school.I guess I feel like I'm stuck in the house that I've lived in for 12 years forever. I've had so many bad memories in here that I've always dreamed of moving out and now I feel like it's not an option.I'm not even sure how much or how little my parents will help me out with my baby, such as babysitting or costs. My family has a good bit of money but my dad thinks I'm a bum and hardly helps me out. He complains paying $50 a month for my car insurance and won't allow my mom to give me gas money anymore.It's irritating because he spoils the hell out of my 20 year old sister who hasn't had a job 3 times as long as I haven't.For example, for my birthday I got a pair of gloves and a pen with my name on it...??? But she got, and electric mixer and a new set of differe sets of pans for baking (she loves to bake). A huge recipe book, a book for designing cakes. A $700 coach purse and $100+ coach sunglasses.I feel like it's my responsibility that I am no where near being ready for.Although I feel like I am a complete failure, I would never give my child away. So adoption is out of the option.Question, though. The father is 17, would I have to wait until he is 18 to receive child support?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): well i kind of hav an idea of what your going through.i was pregnant at 17 and had my son at 18 yrs.But you cant tolerate a person who would threaten to harm your baby.He is definitely not a good role model for your child and you shouldnt worry about anyone but yourself and the health of your baby my situation is the same in that i was living at home at the time to. my father didnt talk to me much at all. but u hav to realise that you may hav to put up with living at home at least until your baby is born. you will receive benefits from the government once your baby is born which means you will be able to move out of home if you sort that all out. i moved out of home about 2 months after my litle boy was born which was the best move for me. dont think at all that you deserve to be loved.my son is now 2 yrs old and still its been hard but once you hav your child you will understand that meeting new guys isn't that important.you sometimes feel alone but once time pass eventually u will meet someone and when they find out u hav a child if they run they arent worth it but if they dont you could find something special with them. sometimes you even meet single dads, you just need to socialize with a mothers group or support group( in your community) who understand your siutation, that way you will make friends and can chat to some nice people.i found the older ppl (30yrs-40yr) with childrentend to be very judgemental though just dont take any notice. you learn to just ignore those ppl.Im sure you will be fine its scary but all worth it :)Talk to someone if you can it helped me alot when i turned to a friend of mine.
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A
female
reader, sunshinesmile +, writes (4 April 2011):
I'm sorry that you are going through all this but let me assure you that you are a strong beautiful woman and that the stress you are going through will pass. Congrats on getting rid of that loser first of all. Anyone who threatens to kill his own child should be banished from life period. Don't worry about finding a male figure to be in your baby's life right now. It will come when you least expect it so don't stress yourself out about things that you can't change right now. Believe it or not, there is someone out there who loves you and wants you to be happy. I suggest praying and reading your Bible for a great source of peace and comfort.Now to deal with your dad issue. If it is at all possible do your best to avoid him. Do you have a friend that you can stay with or close family near by? Maybe you can live with your ex's mom if she is willing? If not then just bide your time. Any time your dad holds things over your head, tell him how grateful you are to him that he takes care of you and that you love him. He'll start to be kinder towards you because when we show someone love eventually they have to show it back to us. I'll keep you in my prayers. Hope this helps :)
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