A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 15 and pregnant. I am soooo scared but feel that with support i can do this. My boyfriend has just turned 18, he is my brothers friend. He says he will support me whatever happens, he has a good job and says he will do everything to support his child and me.But I have just told my parents and they are telling him to stay away from me, they are furious. They say if I see him again I am going to be thrown out. Why are they doing this?? We are doing the responsible thing by planning to take care of our child whatever happens.Surely they cant keep my childs dad away? He has rights. Plus well we just want to be together as a family. I thought my parents would prefer that to me being a single mum :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Landie  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Good thing is you told your parents alot of girls are too scared to even do that. In a legal way your parents can not keep your boyfriend away from you or your child unless they can prove he is a unfit parent. But he seems to be a great guy for taking responsibility. A friend of mine got pregant a few weeks ago and all her boy friend did was give her R5000 and told her do what you want. Your parents think they are doing whats best for you but I think you and your boyfriend should sit down with your parents and maybe trying to work it out together. And remember this is a great shock for your parents and ill take time to get over
Good luck
Hope things work out for the best
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Your parents have a right to feel angry. But they also have a duty to put those feelings aside right now while you try to deal with this whole thing. Their anger can wait. A pregnancy can't.
My friend got pregnant at 17. She was irresponsible enough to have sex & get pregnant, then she was responsible enough to be totally unwilling to consider an abortion or giving up the baby, and then she was irresponsible enough not to ever be able to raise the child very well. See how this "selective responsibility" works to get people into even more trouble than if they had just been totally responsible or totally irresponsible?
And my friend now says if she gets pregnant again, she's getting an abortion as soon as she knows about it. Five years of being a teenage/20s mother can really change a persons perspective about certain things.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Hi,
I'm sorry that you have had it so tough in the past, it's hard to know what kind of families people have experienced and most people assume that people come from the traditional family. Hopefully, with everything that you've been through, you can move forward and be the best parents that you can for your own child. It sounds like you deserve some peace and happiness. Don't allow bitterness to ruin it for you, it's better to forgive past mistakes and move on with your own life. If your Mom is still doing coke, you shouldn't consider leaving the baby with her until she is clean. Having a baby is a labour of love, 90% work and 10% of the purest joy that you could possibly imagine. I hope that your new family can give you some of the things that you have missed out on in the past. All the Best. Good luck with the pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, xmeganx +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Im the original poster.
I never said i blamed them for being mad. For the record i didnt make up that title, I put something else that I wouldve preferred..
I didnt have unprotected sex, i was on the pill and we used condoms. I have settled for the reason that "it was meant to be". im not daft, i know this is gonna be extremely difficult, but its done now. My point of my original Q is, what is the point in banning him from seeing me when this is a very important time and we need to stick together to be able to provide for my child.. or is it better that my child doesnt have a father?!!
From whats being said about my parents.....then no one knows them! They arent responsible loving parents that are disappointed in their child for getting pregnant.... 'dad' isnt real dad, and my mother gave me up when I was 2 weeks old and I was brought up by my gran til last year when she had a stroke and couldnt care for me. I was sent back to my mother who has made it clear I arent welcome. This anger doesnt come from disappointment, it comes from her thinking she may have to spend some of her dole cheque on a babygro instead of cocaine.
But thank you for the advice, it is appreciated. I just want to do the best i possibly can for my baby.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): Well how can you blame them for being mad?? They are older and from EXPERIENCE they know that you are making a huge mistake. They are not mad because they are bad people but only because they LOVE YOU so much. They had much higher expectations of you not because they are selfish but because they want what is BEST for you. They want you to be happy and they know that the route that you have taken, in the long run is NOT going to make you fully happy and is probably one that is going to prevent you from reaching your fullest potential as a individual and as a woman and one that is going to cause you so many problems. When you reach my age, 26, you will wish you didn't have kids. At your age you are so young and your priorities are always changing. It's not the right time to make a decision like this because in a few years you might regret it. When you reach your 20's and you see all your single friends in college, having fun, travelling the world, cultivating themselves. When you see that they all got college degrees and met educated guys and have fun lives and plenty of money in the bank and travel, have GREAT husbands cause they married at the RIGHT age, and have a nice house and an easy life you are going to wish you had done things differently. But the way you are going it sounds like you are setting yourself up for a very hard struggle in life. One that you don't need to settle for. I don't know how far into your pregnancy you are but you should really reconsider this.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (11 December 2007):
It should be interesting to find out how you feel about them this time next year. You know, they are your parents, but they are just people. This time next year, you will be a parent too. Remember that when you are walking the floor with your child, and the fact that they did the same for you when you were young. They are very upset and disappointed that things changed for your future by this event for which you and your boyfriend were responsible, or irresponsible. Your parents probably had other hopes and dreams for you, and certainly hoped that EVENTUALLY you would become a wife and mother, but not quite so soon. Tolerance is something that you are going to have to learn VERY quickly. Why not try practicing a bit now on the people who gave birth to you? They're just fallible human beings, as much as you were when you got pregnant. They can also be your biggest allies, if you let them. Once you give birth, you will know how much they love you, more than life itself, just as you will feel about your baby. All parents feel that way about their children. I am so very glad that everything is going well for you both with the flat. Excellent news. Keep up the good work and all the best.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 December 2007):
 I know it must seem very hard to understand your parents attitude.
But as everyone here has said, despite how you have convinced yourself you are all grown up and mature, you are not, you are 15 years old. If you were grown up and mature you wouldnt have had unprotected sex to start with.
Now your parents are faced with a young underage daughter who is pregnant. Try and understand their position - like most parents they know that the odds are weighted heavily against this romantic happy families ideal you have in your head.
Your boyfriend has committed a crime by having sex with you, he will have to suffer the consequences of his actions which could mean a jail sentence. This is what happens in the grown up world - people have to take responsiblity for their actions. It's not the sugary world you seem to think is your future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): hey honey
I know people are going to critisise you because of your age etc.
BUT to me, you sounded pretty responsible, the fact that you dont want to rely on the parents AND that your bf was man enough to sort you out with a flat.
well all i say is more power to you!
good luck darling
x x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): Thanks
my parents WONT be raising my child, me and my boyfriend will, so it isnt a burden on them. I take responsibility for what I have done, and no child of mine will be raised by my parents. My bf has placed a deposit on a lovely flat, and no we werent planning on moving in together soon, we have talked and realised that priorities have changed now, the baby is our priority and we need to make a stable family for it. I will be taking care of my baby, not leaving it with my parents, they wont be financially or emotionally responsible, I do not want them to have much involvement in the babys life, as they arent fit for it.
I wanted to stay while I was pregnant so we could sort things out, and save money. We dont need insurance and dont pay medical bills in the uk, thats only if we go private. They are starting their parenting very late in my life, and are making it 100 times harder for me to make something of myself
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A
female
reader, skibbe +, writes (10 December 2007):
hi they are only doing this because they care about you and whant you todo well with your life also they are probaly realy worried about you as you are under the age of 16 and they dont want your boyfreind to see you because they probaly think he took advantegs of you and are angry because of the age gap but my sister was put in the same surcomstances and my parents acted like this but if you decide to keep the baby which i strongly recomened that they will be fine and warm up to your boyfreind but just dont worry yourself and i no its hard but you will get though it if u wanna talk you can just email me im here to help xx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (10 December 2007):
They are just doing this because they are very angry. They are angry because they weren't expecting to be raising another child/grandchild right now and they feel that the bulk of the responsibility for you and this baby will still rest on them. I'm sure they are tired and disappointed, because they were looking forward to finishing raising you and your siblings so that they could relax and retire. Now, their future is up in the air and they have no idea when they can expect to enjoy their future together without raising children.
The best way to be responsible here is to be responsible for yourselves. I don't know the system there as well as you do, but your baby's father should be old enough to get a flat. You are going to have to start making plans together if you are going to become a family. You need to plan how to finish school. You need to get part time work to help support yourselves.
You are absolutely right, the father does have rights. But in order to excercise them, he also has responsibilities - i.e. supporting his child financially. Both of you have a LOT of work ahead of you. If you both work hard and prove to your parents that you can be an independent family and support yourselves, they will come around and learn to care for him, and respect your new family. But if you stay at home and expect them to do for you, they probably won't like him very much, and you can understand why.
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A
female
reader, Maxine17 +, writes (10 December 2007):
 I can understand why your parents are angry at you. You're 15! You cannot blame them. I don't see why they won't let your boyfriend support his child. Try to sit down with your parents and boyfriend and sort this out... If anymore advice is needed I'm here for you
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A
female
reader, MonDoc +, writes (10 December 2007):
Your parents aren't seeing this guy as your child's father, and you all as a happy little family to be ... they're seeing him as a pervert who has knocked up their baby... and when you have your child you'll understand why this is.
Yes, it is magnificent that your boyfriend has agreed to support you & the child, but your parents are frightened for you & your future. You see a loving, committed, older boyfriend ; they see an 18yo child who is likely to bolt off in a year or two when he's had enough of all the responsibility, especially when all his mates are out are having a good time & he's worried about bills & baby food & sh*tty nappies & vomit.
IF your partner doesn't end up in jail for statutory rape (I don't know what the laws are where you are for this kind of thing), the only way to gain your parents respect & approval is to let them see you both acting responsibly and dedicating yourselves to this family you're creating. If he's still around in a few years, he'll earn their respect... but don't be surprised if it takes at least this long for your parents to soften on him. They'll love the baby immediately, but they won't warm to him for a while. Again, when you have your child, you'll understand why in a way that I can never explain.
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (10 December 2007):
 Your only 15...I totally understand why your parents are freaking out and blaming the boy, he is older than you and can get done for sleeping with an underage girl. Your parents WILL calm down and allow him to see you, but you must give it time. You got no right preaching now too them
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A
female
reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (10 December 2007):
 Hi,
Firstly they are your parents and they are only doing what they feel is the best way to protect you.
I'm sure in time they will come round to the idea of your b/f being there, they are hurting right now their baby is soon going to have her own baby thats a massive shock to anyone.
As for throwing you out i would say that is just a threat to try and make you do what they want but that is not the way to go they need to understand that you have made you choice & now you want to sit down and talk with your them like responsible adults & tell them your intentions and what you WILL be doing, try to keep your head tho cause if you start to sound like a whining teenager you will be back to square one.
I hope everything works out for you!!
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