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female
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anonymous
writes: Im 13 and starting to get on "WELL" with a 24 year old. Im 13 and had met this 24 year old guy and we have a hell of a lot in common. We feel strongly for each other. And we have kinda been steady for while. Im a extremly mature 13 year old,and i am mentally older, i meen ive had to be for all thats been going on im my life(no need to explain) also im psysically older,and look like a 16+ year old. and socialise with 18+ year olds. We havnt done anything in the bedroom department,yet.But im wondering is this realationship ok to carry on?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): Please remember that you are just 13 and he is 24 a 11 year age gap, to be honest if you were my daughter, I would be concerned, as why a grown up man of 24 wants to date a 13 year old woman? I would be suspicious, after all that you read in the papers these days. JUST BE CAREFUL, and remember that your parents you may consider as funny buggers, that have your best interest at heart, and would not want anything happen to their little girl, as grown up as you are, you still need their protection. Please keep yourself until you are ready, it is worth the wait.
Can you keep this web page updated, thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2006): remember age is just a number and in 5 years it'll be legal .. just dont go into the 'bedroom department' until then.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (5 February 2006):
 Male anon, don't impose your narrow minded beliefs on here. How sad in this day and age you feel the need to call an under age girl a tart or slag go away and grow up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2006): no it is a lood of bullshit people will call u a slag and a tart
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (29 January 2006):
Good on you both for making a sensible decision and I admire you for your maturity. I hope you both get what you need from your friendship. I wish you both all the luck in the world.xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPeople, we have decided to take it as just a friendship, maybe in some years we will get together, but from now till later, we are taking it as a friendship, just wanted to let you know!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2006): well thats nice that you two are going good. its ok just don't go to the bedroom till your 18 so you know.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): No hun it isn't cool. I'm 16 going out with a 21 year old guy, but he was a close family friend beforehand and my parents know about it and trust him. having said that - i am overage and not officially a "minor" by law and there is only 5 years between us - 11 is a lot more serious. i wouldnt go out with anyone older than 21 at my age - they will start to expect more and at 13, however mature i'm sure you are - you will not be able to give that. dont get into a bad situ, hun - be careful. All the best.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): she mush learn alot for him or something, i think she might look up to him. but you must be sertin not to take it to anything higher then this.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (24 January 2006):
No is the word you need. No this "relationship" is Not Cool in any way.
First, just 'cos he is older does not mean he is automatically going to rape you....but it does mean he will expect a lot more from you that emotionally and physically you may not be ready for. You amy feel mature enough but you really don't have the life experience to deal with a guy 11 years older than you. He may be the nicest guy in the world, but sweetheart you have to face the facts that there is probably something lacking in his menatl make-up if he finds the company of a child stimulating, not to mention the fact he could be done (in the UK at least) for statutory rape if you were to have sex with him.
Please reconsider this relationship honey, and back off now. You could be emotionally scarred by getting into something you're not psychologically ready to deal with. I am not trying to patronise you but I really don't believe at 13 you have the ability to deal with however mature you are. The most mature thing you could do is recognise that you are to young, you could be in way over your head and get out.
Good luck and big hugs. x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): are you f**king kidding me? you're going to be raped. get the f**k away ASAP!!! run!!! he will take advantage of you and abuse you until your worn out and he's low on semen.'this happened to me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): Ive only been out with one person before and my mates have been out with millions nobody ever asks me out and i dont know why im realy scared of asking out people in case they tease me about it Most of the girls in my school have got a boyfriend what should i do i really want one!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2006): I am a 22 year old married woman with a step daughter your age, 13. I dont think you are old enough to carry on this relationship nor any other relationship at your age. The most you should be doing if anything is talking on the phone to a boy YOUR age or maybe going out to a movie with him and his parents. You are way too young to be this invovled with a man becuase the consequences are going to be detrimental to your life. Your body isn't really for a man physically or mentally and you are really ruching your life...there is plenty of time for you to have men in your life...you should definitely end this relationship and go back to being a young lady.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2006): While I am sure you are mature for your age...the law says clearly states, you are NOT an adult. You are a minor. This is the reality. With that said, most of the 'adults' offering you insights to your posting here, are trying to provide you with guidance, in making a serious decision that they feel could be harmful to you. Remember, it's about concern, caring and reaching out to you. It's not about treating you as a 'little girl' and telling you what to do. You asked a question, you got answers. Ultimately, you will make your own decision in regards to dating this 24 year old man. When you post a question on this website, remember, we are all responsible for giving you sensible, mature advice that we feel may be to your betterment and well-being. Whether you accept that advice is up to you. I think I can speak for everyone when I say, that a true mark of your maturity will be your own abilities to accept limitations in life due to your age and being gracious about recieving advice from people who do genuinely care. Keep that in mind dear and I wish you the best.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2006): well its not cool to date with a 24 year old guy due to some social reasons. You need to be experienced enough to enter into relationship. Second, men change very easily especially when they have gotten what they want from a girl.
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reader, mystify +, writes (12 January 2006):
 hi there,
i am sorry to hear that you were left alone at 7 , but that doesnt make you older , it makes your parents irrisponsible, have you thought that prehaps the reason you have leaned towards this guy maybe due to wanting a father figure if prehaps your parents werent there enough for you?
i know that you dont want to hear that its wrong but you asked the question, was you just looking for someone to tell you that this relationship is ok?
however mature you are mentally this guy is wrong to involve himself this dosent mean that your feelings dont count or arnt as real as any adults and believe me i dont think that YOU are doing anything wrong, but this guy you speak of is...if you need help talking to people about matters you feel wouldnt intrest people you own age try seek out some help through councelling
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks GL! Ok so... Those of you who think i think that i am mentally older...im not...i atually am mentally older, i didnt want to say this at first but when i was 7 i was left homealone overnight i had to look after myself since i was 7, be mature about situations i was in, and i guess thats one of the reasons why i sociallised better with older people because people my age wouldnt of taken to the matter.
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reader, CRIMESCENE418 +, writes (9 January 2006):
You sound like an extremely intellegent girl, so let me tell you like I see it. I can about guarantee that you are way too good for this guy. If he is 24 and having to resort to 13 year olds for whatever it is he is coming to you for, what does that say about him as a person? What kind of man would be intimate with a 13 year old? I can tell you what my line of work has taught me, he could be in the beginning stages of a mental disorder that will lead him at some point to CHILD MOLESTATION! Please dont take any of this the wrong way, I have a 15 year old neice who runs into problems like this all the time. BUT DO BE CAREFUL! I am going to tell you the same thing I told her, take your time! You are going to be starting high school sooner than you know and believe me, you and your fellow girlfriends will be suckers for that high school love story! He has already been out so long he probably doesn't even remember it. When you are old enough for the prom, he is going to be 29! Girl, that is almost 30!!! Ew!! Anyway, dont take all of this too bad, Lord knows I used to hate when people would say something to me that I didn't want to hear. When it comes down to it, you essentially have to listen to your own heart, but give yourself the oppertunity to learn something new with someone who hasn't done everything with every possible woman imagineable. You deserve more.
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reader, GLforever +, writes (9 January 2006):
 I offer an apology to the question poster if she feels I am trying to “impose” my beliefs on her. That was certainly not my intent, though, in my opinion, some other posters are trying to push their beliefs on you. I don’t know what else to call it (except maybe ‘insulting’) when someone says “go be a teenager rather then a wannabe adult who thinks they are older then what they really are”.
I can agree with the poster who suggests considering why a 24-year-old man wants to have a relationship with you. You might consider asking him that very question. There are good reasons and there are bad reasons for him wanting a relationship with you. Ask him, and see if his actions match his words.
The poster who feels I have advised you “to date an older adult man” is misrepresenting my comments. You have already made the decision to have some kind of relationship with this man. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with such relationships. I can agree that many teen-adult relationships are not good, healthy relationships. However, the same can be said of many adult-adult relationships as well. Based on the limited knowledge we have of your relationship, I don’t see how we can conclude that yours is a bad relationship. (By the same token, we cannot really determine if it is a good relationship either.) Of course, I think some people read that you are 13 and he is 24, and they immediately decide that your relationship is no good. (Please note that in my previous sentence I have expressed my personal opinion. I don’t know if what I said is true or not - that is just what I think.)
Now someone feels that I am pushing my opinions on to you, and that I have told you that everyone else offering you advice is wrong. I re-read my posts, and I don’t see that. If you have taken that impression from my prior posts, then I will again apologize. You are 13, and I feel that if adults really want to “help you” then they should be helping you to consider the pros and cons (not JUST the cons) of your relationship so that you can make the decision for yourself. Were it not for my posts, you would have received nothing but negative comments about your relationship. Finally, for someone to declare that your man is either a “moron or a pervert” hardly qualifies as offering helpful advice.
For the record, I do not “date” teenage girls. All my “relationships” (really they are more like friendships) with young girls are non-sexual. I socialize with young girls of a variety of ages (who’s parents are always aware of what we are doing) because I find young girls to be much more pleasant company than older women.
So, I suggest that you, the original question poster, read all of our replies and consider our biases (I think we all have our biases on this issue - some of us are just more open about those biases than others) and then make this decision for yourself. We can’t (and shouldn’t) make that decision for you.
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female
reader, TaylorMay +, writes (9 January 2006):
 now ive been in this situation myself , you need to pull back and chill your only young and this is a man. and it will end in tears you will fall in love (known as first love ) and it wont work out not only that your wats known as jailbait and this man could go down if you partake in underage sex . be care full there is alot more years in ur life dont waste them wrapped up in sumthing against the odds
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): RIGHT ON ANON!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): To GLforever: This 13 year old is a minor youth and is still under the protection and guidance of her family. To advise this minor to date an older adult man was grossly irresponsible of you. I hope you reconsider your very poor, shallow and surprisingly immature advice.
I couldn't help but notice how you seemed a tad defensive, GL. Listen guy, just because you can't control where your mind and your eyes go doesn't mean..you have the right to use this wonderfully helpful website to push your opinions on someone who is just 13 years old (at 12-she was a child!) She needs to treated with radical unselfishness and compassion. I was also very offended that you state, that everyone else who offered this young teen girl advice here, was wrong! Amazing how you used irrational reasoning to cope with anxiety by attempting to explain away YOUR 'issue" of being attracted to teenaged girls with such a dishonest explanation and plain stupid justification. You basically told her that everyone else here, is wrong and that you were right. Wasn't this 'coercion on your part'-I don't know what else is! Perhaps this is why you like the teen girls..they are easily manipulated, in your manner of thinking.
When it comes to minor youth, one has to be very, very cautious and aware of the responsibilty they undertake, when giving advice. I agree with the reader who stated, you 'used' this young girl's problem to push your 'agenda of adult males dating young teen girls' as being okay. Young teenaged women need older men in their lives who will respect and care about them, who aren't their fathers or brothers but who aren't prospective lovers, either. C'mon, GL, they're kids! Be a better role model than that!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2006): GL Forever- stop being hypocritical - you are trying to impose your beliefs and justify your own life choices on this girl. Stop accusing everyone else of doing so.
People are honestly just trying to help this young lady so get off your soapbox.
Honey, In your heart of hearts if it were cool, you would have never posted this message.
I think you need to go on your gut instinct her and also, very rationally consider why a 24 year old man would want to date a 13 year old girl.
A man that age who wants to date a 13 year old could be considered somewhat odd and his motives must be questioned.
Please take care
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (7 January 2006):
i feel the need to point out to writer of this question that in no way was i putting you down by reffering to you as a "child", just simply pointing out the fact that i was a child when i was 13. and i believe there is nothing wrong with that! what on earth is wrong with being a child these days ...as far as i can remember i loved it, there is plenty of time in life to be a child and to be and adult in fact on this planet people generally get more time to be an adult!
in fact i am one of the few adults that do consider children to be equals , i would stand up for a childs human rights any day of the week and i feel that all children deserve respect and that a child should not have to respect an adult who will not respect them!
id also like to say that never "did " anything regarding a relationship with an older man when i was 13 i just daydreamed of one!
i would also like to point out that at no point did i say that i was "not allowed" to date older men when i was 13! in fact my mum was usless she was too busy 'getting her own' to discipline me when i was that age! and reffering to what i have wrote above i did not respect her enough to do as she told me when i was that age as she did not respect ME! (something i think all 13 year old children deserve!) in all fairness she neglected me! no, what i said was that her boyfriend stood up to them for me , warned them off FOR ME!
i didnt "WANT" anything other than to offer you advice from experience (the most helpful kind i feel) and i hope despite these personnal attacks on the people who have tryed to help you you will be able to keep a clear head.
i feel bad that someone would assume so much about me and the people offering you advice in a way to turn your head as i really just wanted to help as im sure did all the others
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reader, GLforever +, writes (7 January 2006):
I don't normally post twice on the same question, but I feel the need to do so here. After reading your follow up post to your own question, I feel even more comfortable about what you are doing. Your parents know him, and you are not currently having sex with him. I would then add that as long as he is not pressuring you for sex, and as long as he treats you as an equal, and not as a "child", then you are doing OK. What more do people want? Actually, I suspect they WANT to impose their beliefs on you. They WANT you to do as they "say", not as they "did" when they were your age. Or, they feel that since they were not allowed to date an older person when they were your age that you should not be allowed to do so either.
Someone here thinks that the fact that you and your 24-year-old friend cannot go to bars or clubs together is a "rational" reason for not being in a relationship. Well, a 19 year old and a 21 year old generally cannot go to bars together either. Should they not have a relationship because of that?
I feel like I should apologize for the "adults" who put you down by referring to you as a "child" and who feel that you can't have a meaningful conversation with an adult just because you are 13 years old. Of course, those same adults would consider me a "moron or a pervert" because I (as an adult) prefer to socialize with girls your age rather than with adults.
Show you adult friend respect, and insist that he treat you respectfully as well. That alone will get you past most of the problems that plague relationships. Good luck!
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reader, mystify +, writes (6 January 2006):
hi ,
when i was 14 i looked older too and when i used to go out with my mum anywhere all her mates would hit on me thinking i was her sister but everytime they did my mums boyfriend would quickly put them in their place because i was just a CHILD! and although i was chuffed to pieces with the attention from older men i really was grateful to my mums boyfriend for protecting me and i found it so funny to see the look on the faces when they found out how old i really was! but thats how a decent guy would react when finding out the object of thier attention was a minor! and if this guy carrys on with you knowing this then he is wrong to do so regardless of how old you look!
i met someone i clicked with when i was 13 he was 32! i waited and waited for the day i would be old enough for him to look at me in that way , a while after i turned 16 we got together but literally hours later i was ringing him up begging him to forget it all and not to tell my mum as i knew better by this time and i was old enough to know it wasnt really what i wanted and i thank God he was a decent guy who didnt take advantage of the attention i gave him when i was 13!
please wait till you are old enough to decide anything about this potential relationship (at lest 16)and in the meantime enjoy seeing boys your own age , there are plenty more kids who are "mature" for thier age that wouldnt get arrested for going near you!
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reader, Joe +, writes (6 January 2006):
your wondering if the relationship is ok to carry on and i think there straight away you know the answer yourself.you say your mature but didn't we all at 13 i'm still only 18 and i KNOW that theres still alot i have to learn plus theres one thing i know already never to do and thats go out with a 13 year old!.you also say that you can't get along with boys your own age well DUH! all they probably want to talk about is sex and sports i can almost be certain thats there is probably one guy who say you can't get on with who looks at you and thinks "i'm in love" but will he admit that HELL NO! why? because he's still in early stages of puberty and can't admit he's feelings to his mates or he'll be disowned in some way. back when i was 13 i couldn't say how i feel about a girl for fear of being laughed at but now i'm willing to tell anyone who i'm in love with, just because you feel your older then your age don't mean you are it dosen't mean you can do things that a girl at the age of 16+ can do and to think that you can shows your just as immature as the people your own age you can't get along with.if you wanted people to understand what you mean be being "mentally older" and having to be because of whats happened in your life and saying no need to explain, then again thats just stupid you should have explained something that happened so we can understand more.time will finally take it's tole on this "relationship" and he will become frustrated with the lack of sex because if he loves you so much as much as he is willing to wait as every day goes by it will get harder and harder for him.end it NOW! and go be a teenager rather then a wannabe adult who thinks they are older then what they really are
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): No!!!!!!!!! Its not cool!!! This guy would have some serious explaining to do if you where my child!!!
Think about this rationally why does a 24yr old man want to date a 13 yr old girl you cant go to clubs or bars or have an adult conversation what would you talk to him, his friends and their girlfriends about!
This guy is one of two things a moron or a pervert, either he gets off on dating and or having sex with little girls (which by the way is against the law, statuatory rape as you are a minor and below the age of consent) or he is a complete moron who finds young children easy to impress and this is why, either way he is so far across the line.
By the way when I was 13 I thought I was extremley mature Im 25 and I cringe when I think of the way my friends and I used to get on.
Dont have sex with this man!! PLEASE
Also if you get on well with him and you are so mature and everythings great tell your Mum and Dad about him bring him round for dinner though you might want to have the paramedics on standby because Im telling you if some 24 year old man thought that he was going to date me when I was 13 my Dad would have killed him, the only way he would have been eating for a long time would have been through a straw!!!
More seriously though why are you so quick to grow up you have enough time to be an adult when you are one enjoy beinga child have a bf certainly but one your own age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTaking advantage??? i dont think so...i mean all we do is talk and tell how we feel. My parents do know him, But seriously i cant get on with people my own age, i dont enjoy it, i have nothing to talk about, i meen you will prolly say look around, im not looking around for friendship i have enough already that are older and mature and that i get on with. I meen its not ilegal to be friends with older people, i meen we dont want to do anything in the bedroom department till its legal.
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reader, GLforever +, writes (5 January 2006):
My answer may well be the only one you get that is (at least partially) positive. At least with your ages at 13 and 24, you shouldn't have to hear the old, bogus, "he's old enough to be your father" line.
It is probably best if your "havnt done anything in the bedroom department" situation stays that way for a while longer. Before getting into the "bedroom" stuff, you and he both need to be well aware of the age of consent laws in your area. Don't rely on someone telling you "you have to be 16 for it to be legal" because you might need to be 17; or, 14 might be "legal". It depends on where you live. Unfortunately for you, at 13, most likely in the eyes of the law your body does not fully belong to you yet.
Still, if he treats you with respect, then I personally don't see anything wrong with "socializing" with him. Just don’t confuse attention with respect... they are not the same thing. It is good that you are also able to socialize with others who are younger than your BF.
I also agree that it would be best if your parents were aware of your relationship. Though I socialize with younger girls, in every case the girl’s parents are aware of our time together. It is usually best that way.
Standard disclaimer: I am an adult male who prefers the company of teen girls over that of women may age. So, I am biased on this matter, and I can admit it. On the other hand, if one of my friends tried to "get me into counseling" because I was "dating" a 13 year old, he wouldn't be my friend for much longer...
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006): In short, no. It's too much of an age gap and the fact you have posted this indicates you too are concerned.
I had the same problem as a teen, I never was interested in guys my own age, they all seemed so immature. When I was 14 I loved a 20 year old family friend, when I was 15 I was in love with a 25 year old guy who worked at the supermarket I worked at after school and the list goes on. At the time I was devasted these guys never hit on me but in hindsight, I'm really glad they didn't because it wouldn't have been right for them to do that. Looking back on it, if they had have tried something, my parents would have spun out and rightly so.
24 year olds should not be dating 13 year olds, nor should they be socialising with them.
Do your parents know this guy? Do they know you hang out with him?
I know its difficult when you feel much older than people who are in fact the same age as you, but I think you need to take a step back and start hanging out with some people your own age or at the maximum a few years older, not 24.
I'm sure you are very smart and together but he is taking advantage of you. I know its probably hard for you to understand now but I'm 24 years old and if one of my 24 year old friends, male or female, started dating a 13 year old, no matter how mature they acted or looked, I would be getting my friend into counselling.
I suspect he probably has some issues and if anything happens between you in the bedroom, it's statutory rape and given your age, the cops would probably charge him a lot of other nasty things that could see him imprisoned for years.
Please be careful and perhaps reconsider this at the moment. Maybe in the future when you are legally a little bit older. Hang in there for the mean time, you will meet people closer to your age who you will want to go out with.
Don't waste your teen years with guys in their twenties. They are much better when you are in your twenties too.
Take care
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