A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi ive been married for nearly 18yrs but i have serious problems trusting my wife.she has lied to me in the past about money issues which i still find hard to accept but for the last few months she is always texting to male and female friends from work.she assures me it is just work talk but i check her phone bills and there is quite alot of texts to one particular number which is a males.i have confronted her on several occassions and she says hes had problems at work and been sacked and she was trying to help him.i have alot of jealously over this matter because of the amount of texts about 1200 over 3 months to be precise just to this one number she swears blind shes done nothing wrong and that she never has and never will and i should trust her.what do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your response.some more information for you about my wife and what she thinks.i cant talk to her because the conversation always ends up going way back in the past which we are both to blame for so we never end up talking about now.she always tells me what a bad husband i was when i was younger going out on weekends and leaving her at home and i admit i wasnt a perfect husband but ive never lied or cheated on her.every time i mention the texts its like lighting blue touch paper,she just says ive got a problem just because she has got agood job and some friends now but that is definetly not it the problem is texting another man all them times.by the way the texts dont actually even out over a week or month its like some days there might only be 2 or 3 then other days there has been up to 80 in 1 day.she is still texting him but never been more than 25 in a day so far this month but she phones him a lot more but it is never when i am at home.ive mentioned this and she said if i spent as much time on our relationship as i did on checking up on her it would be brilliant just dont know what to think of it because during the day she is ok but when she has had a drink on a night which is every night she changes and we eiether end up arguing or not talking at all.any answers anyone please
A
female
reader, creamepie  +, writes (15 May 2007):
If she has'nt cheated yet she thinking about it.
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A
female
reader, gf123 +, writes (15 May 2007):
 Hmm, this is a difficult one without knowing your wife's side of the story.
1200 texts works out to an average of around 13 a day if it's been occurring over a 3 month period. To some this may seem a lot, to others this is completely normal between friends so it is difficult to judge solely on this basis.
Do you perhaps have an underlying jealously problem? 18 years is a long time to have been married these days so I was wondering if this has been an issue throughout your marriage or if it has only just started? Thinking about this should give you some indication of whether or not you should now be worried. If this has come on recently, I would be more inclined to suggest that you have reason to mistrust your wife.
From my experience, the best thing to do is talk to your wife about your fears without accusing her of any wrong doing. Explain how you feel without infering that it is her fault and she is more likely to be understanding without being defensive. I would also venture to suggest that she may be hurt by your checking up on her in terms of counting the texts she has sent!
I don't feel that I can give a definitive answer in this case without knowing more but in a nutshell I suggest you consider your own behaviour before hers. At least this will lead to a better understanding of why you feel this way. After that, you can (calmly) approach your wife about your feelings.
Best of luck
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