A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi,im in bits. i have just broken up with my fiancee probably for the wrong reasons but also because i want to give myself some quality of life. i love him to bits and i know he worships the ground i walk upon. the problem is, we are struggling to save to get married and as well as that we want to build a house to live in together. if we go ahead with all this, we will have no holidays, no short breaks, no social life and ill have to probably sell my car. now i am recently after changing my job and its good enough pay, i get benefits too and pay increases every 12 months. and aswell with this, i love my job. on the other hand, my fiancee works for a man for the last 10 years, never gets overtime, never gets bonus's, and will never get a pay increase. im really annoyed with him for being such a walk over for this man and it really bothered me lately when i sat down and worked out the cost of life and pointed all of this out to him. but he turned it on me saying 'so you are finishing everything we have had for the last 7 years because i am not earning enough money for you'. he doesnt see the logic to my thinking. someone please tell me have i done right or wrong on finishing this relationship because i want to enjoy life, im only 24 and life's too short to be sitting in envying those who are off on holidays and living it up... thanks :(
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (15 May 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
If he has been working for this guy for the past 7 years and you two have been happy, then why is it all of a sudden a problem now? The way I see it, if you truly love someone then it won't matter how much money either of you make as long as you are both trying. It's one thing if he were to sit at home unemployed all day long, but it sounds like he is a hard worker. (And trust me, lots of people don't get to earn overtime and are forced to work longer hours. And bonuses are even harder to come by. I work for a multi-billion dollar corporation, and I have never seen a bonus! That is reserved for directors, Vice Presidents, and Presidents.)
If you two are just starting out together, then of course things are going to be hard. But the key is to make things work together.
Okay - so let's take the house, for example. A house is a lot of money - especially a new one that you are going to have built for you. Is there a reason why you both can't buy a condo or a townhouse for the time being? Many couples start off small so they can save until they have enough money to get what they really want later. If you guy a condo, it's still going to be like money in the bank along with interest as the market goes up. So no matter what, you'd be able to buy something larger than what you would live in down the road a few years.
I think you may be thinking too big for the time being. I think you should scale back what you want and go for what you need (of course include some fun things, but don't go overboard with things like a newly built house). Remember, material possessions are only worth so much...
Take care.
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