A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This may seem really trivial, but I just wondered what people thought.My partner doesn't do romance well and although he says he loves me, that's about it. Doesn't really say I'm pretty or anything like that.I'm the kind of person that needs words of affirmation and praise as part of my love language. So I asked him why he loved me, what he liked about me, trying to push him in the right direction and hoping he'd say some nice personal things. he just said he didn't know, he gets on with me and just does. Should I want him to say more? I was hoping he could say something he admired about me rather than vague 'just do'. We've been together 11 years. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2018): You grew-up together like sister and brother. So you should know him well enough to realize he ain't the romantic-type!
You decided to make a teenage-romance resemble a marriage. Well, this is usually what it comes to.
You do have every right to want to hear your partner encourage you with loving and romantic words to indicate how much he appreciates you. If he can't find it in his heart to say the words; perhaps they aren't there. When you really feel strongly for someone; it's difficult never to feel so moved you can never tell them. Either that, or you're just profoundly stupid or simple-minded.
You need affirmation and affection expressed in his words. If he can't do it; then maybe you've been with him too long, and he actually does see you as a sister. Not his lover. You've always been there. So what's new? You're over-familiar, and he doesn't feel like saying romantic things to you. It feels weird to him.
It's always the ladies who insist on having these lifelong extended-romances from childhood. Then you come to realize all this time you should have been dating and getting to know more about various male personality-types; rather than putting all your eggs in one basket.
You can't reprogram a man to be what you want him to be; or treat a bum like a fixer-upper. Either he has the traits you want when you get him; or you let him go, and look elsewhere.
You can't customize a guy like a suit or a sports car! You don't adjust the fit; you keep looking until you find the right match. He's an old habit, and it's hard to break it.
So you call it love. You're scared to venture-out and face being single or independent. You're stuck where it's safe.
Men think differently from women, and we express emotions differently; so it's up to you to find one who has the character, attributes, and personality that suits your personality best.
You can't do that when you've been with exactly one guy since you were 15! You're stuck with a dud. Maybe this relationship has run its course.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 I would imagine you both got together very young if you have been together 11 year and you are still in your twenties.
Look it is who he is, and you cannot change him! Maybe him telling you that he loves you is all that he can give. It is not his fault if he is not vocal and you shouldn't try and change him.
On the other hand, if you need someone to be vocal and romantic then you might need to consider that this relationship has ran its course and you want something more. You are both still young therefore you may have simply grown up realizing that this relationship is not enough for you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (27 August 2018):
 You’ve been together since teenagers. Maybe it’s run it’s course because your love languages don’t match. Get a book on the 5 love languages and see if you can communicate better with him once you have the book to show him. You both need to compromise on what you want and what you give. If either of you can’t/won’t, then it’s likely you’re not compatible any more, as sad as that would be.
Get the book, read it and try to show him relevant bits that help you communicate better.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 " Should " you want him to say nice things to you ?
Well, I don't think it's really a " should ". I mean , it's only natural that you'd like him to do it, after all who does not like to receive positive reinforcement, more so if your personal " love language " is based upon words of affirmation and praise ; you don't get them, and it's natural that you miss them.
OTH, I suppose that in 11 years you've got to know your bf rather well , his personality, his quirks, etc. You say he does not do romance very well, - and for an unromantic to say " I love you "- it's already quite something.
Maybe he is the type that's not comfortable expressing his feelings within a relationship; maybe he is just not comfortable with words, period. There's a lot of people who, obviously , feel things but just can't frame it in words , whether it is love or anger or sadness etc.etc. Maybe he is just not one for analyzing things much , or to look deeply into himself.
How big of a deal this is, and how badly it affects your relationship, only you can decide it. Whay could be a minor flaw for me could be a mahor dealbreaker for you, and viceversa.
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