A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Today we were going to go to a supermarket and my boyfriend did not want to go inside at all because his exes mom was in there. It made me feel like he wasn’t over that person because he always makes sure that person isn’t there If we are to stop by somewhere they can be. I just think it’s been a year since we’ve been together so what does it matter if they are there or not because eventually you’ll run into them. He says he’s not comfortable with seeing them because it’s awkward running into someone that you use to be intimate with. He also says that he’s been this way from the beginning and it’s somehting I have to learn to accept because he doesn’t want to see his exes and he already cut all ties with them. I have asked him before we started dating, when we were just friends, if he avoids his exes, he said yes and I asked why and said the same thing. He wasn’t comfortable with it. I’m just feeling insecure and i would’ve liked him to go inside with me regardless if his exes mom was in there and show me that he’s over it and it doesn’t affect him anymore. I don’t want to feel that he’ll always avoid that person because he shouldn’t care anymore since it ended and he moved on, Even when he said he would avoid them even if he was by himself. He realizes that avoiding his exes is immature and childish, he still emphasizes that he’s just not comfortable with it. But I feel as though if I’m feeling this way he should take the effort and go inside and just demonstrate that the relationship holds no affect on him. I just want to know if this is a normal occurance for guys and their exes because I’ve only dated one other person and I don’t care whether I see them or not.Thank you!
View related questions:
his ex, immature, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 He’s uncomfortable seeing exes. ALL exes. Not just this one ex. You think he’s not over ALL of them? Even when he told you at the beginning that this is how he handles it. It’s not unusual that people do this, just like it’s not unusual for some not to care or to stay friends. All three are fine (with rare situational exceptions).
He’s uncomfortable seeing them. You WANT him to put himself in an uncomfortable situation for YOU to feel less insecure. Lots of people would be slightly glad their partner avoids exes - can’t cheat or have things get awkward with an ex if they avoid them!
Time to see that this is your issue, OP, not his.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2018): The reason is mostly due to immaturity. He is not confident in himself enough to face people he has cut its with in the past. You may discover that this may not only pertain to an ex, but also a good friend he once had but is no longer on good terms with. He is lacking self confidence.
The only thing I worry about is, this may also lead to him not being able to deal with problems you both may encounter in the future. You might discover that he will become reluctant to work out problems the two of you will face together in the future. During arguments, does he usually walk away hoping things will solve themselves in a day or two? Or does he talk and work on the problem with you?
I wouldn't stress over it..
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 He explained it to you at the start so this is something you need to accept. He has his reasons to feel uncomfortable so I don't understand why you would want him to be uncomfortable just so it makes you feel better?
It could be worse he could be wanting to see his ex then you would be even more insecure! Honestly I am married now and I would still be uncomfortable if I had to see my ex. Not because I have feelings but simply because it is awkward. So don't put pressure on him and accept him for who he is.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2018): If you're feeling insecure; I guess he's got good reason to avoid running into his exes. If it shouldn't matter to him, it should matter even less to you!
If someone explains one of their odd quirks early-on in the relationship; in all fairness to you, it's offered as notification ahead of time. It gives you an option of adjusting to it; or considering it a deal-breaker.
It's a consist issues for him; like the ever-present tremendously popular "insecurity": "I don't wanna be hurt!" The syndrome that people are supposed to tiptoe around; that runs so popular these days!
He doesn't like seeing his exes! It's awkward! Sometimes people go out of their way to be especially nasty, cause a scene, or attempt to humiliate. Then there's the deal where he might find himself explaining why he was so nice to his ex? Sometimes a guy can't win! Write it off as just a thing!
Yes! It is a normal occurrence for most people; regardless of gender. He may be overreacting, but the discomfort is common. Some people are cordial, some are indifferent, and some feel weird or intimidated. It has a lot to do with how you separated, the personality of the ex, and your own personality. Maybe he's cowardly or oversensitive. Ignore it.
Yes it is childish, that I do agree. If I ran into an ex; I'd be cordial, and I'd expect no different. I never had a nasty breakup, or have to deal with a toxic-relationship; so I don't know how I'd react, if that were the case.
He's not comfortable with it. So set an example of maturity; and don't let it bother YOU!
...............................
|
