A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for seven years now and over the past few months my emotions seem to be getting out of control. My husband started the marriage being very attentive and caring. I was in no doubt that he loved me. He would do anyhing for me but as the years have gone by, the doting and affection has dwindled to nothing. I feel jealous of things like for instance, we were in a shop a couple of months back and he was smiling and following (with his eye) a girl around the shop. He brushed it off when I asked him why he was looking. I feel he hides his phone from me or if it is in sight I look through it. I never find anything but then think to myself he's deleting messages out. I sit all day at home thinking about what he could be doing. Why does he not treat me like a princess any more? Why is this eating me up inside? I tell myself over and over I'm being silly. HELP.
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 Here's a thought. Plan a nice evening together, it can be at a nice restaurant, or home with candles burning. Cook him a nice meal. Make him feel like the King. Then spend some time, telling him how much you love and appreciate him. Then at the end of the night, make mad, passionate love to him and tell him "wow" afterwards. Could it be possible that your princess-trip is a one-way ticket? All take and no give? Maybe it's time to make him feel special and he will receprocate by doing the same for you. You know what they say, "Don't tell - show!" If after a few months of making him feel like the cat's meow, he hasn't started treating you the same way, then talk to him and tell him how much you miss the attention. Romance in relationships has to be continually nurtured. Both ways. Good luck.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 July 2007):
 As the years pass in your marriage, the honeymoon period disappears and too often partners fall into the rut of taking one another for granted or they start feeling too comfortable and forget that relationships need to be worked at, especially once you marry. Just because you are both married doesn't mean that your relationship will fall into place and you'll both live happily ever after (as I'm sure you know).
The more jealous and paranoid you become the more your husband will start to resent you, it will drive a wedge between you both, communication will stop and you'll both end up like passing ships in the night with no relationship to salvage. You need to ask yourself "why has he stopped?" Is it because you're not being responsive to his attentions? Have you maybe been taking him for granted of late and not been reassuring him that he's a wonderful person, how he works hard to provide and pay the bills, how great he looks and how secure he makes you feel? You see men need reassurance from time to time too.
I also get the impression you're not happy with YOURSELF just now. It could be you feel you're getting older, you might be feeling you've put on a few pounds and you feel fat and frumpy, unsexy and not as desirable as some of the younger competition out there! Then when your husband looks at another woman (just looks), it's enough to set the paranoia off inside you and you start to think "he doesn't love me any more", "he's seeing someone else behind my back", "he thinks I'm fat and ugly" etc etc. Most men are attracted by strong confident women, one who looks after themselves and have their feet firmly planted on the floor. When they appear confident and assertive it can be very sexy for a man and make them want them all the more! Why don't you try to assert yourself some more? Look the best you can for him, start to flirt with him again instead of coming across negative with him all the time.
Here are some suggestions for you to put into practise - Talk more, communicate. Keep the TV off, tell him he looks great, boost his ego a bit, kiss him for no reason, slap his butt as you pass. Leave notes for him to find in his briefcase or his pocket. "Can't wait to get you home tonight" "Missing you heaps" "I thought of you today and it made me smile". When he comes home one night give him a present. Buy a small decorated cardboard box, a sheet of coloured tissue paper, some massage oil and a blank card. Line the box with the tissue paper. Place the massage oil in the box and write the following message on the card: I know a great Masseur. For an appointment ring: (Your Phone Number). Create some love coupons that your partner can exchange for romantic favours. View this link for some examples.
http://www.theromantic.com/lovecoupons.htm
You see, if you want to keep the marriage alive then you need to work at it. If you make him feel special then he will WANT to do more for you and because you're making him feel loved and attractive then he'll want to reciprocate and make YOU feel loved back in return.
I'm sure you have absolutely nothing to worry about regarding other women, it's just your own insecurities kicking in. Try out my advice and I bet before long you have your marriage back on track. :o)
Eve
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