A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my husband for 18 years and we have two sons together.I got married when I was very young and have had no other boyfriends ever. My husband is the only man I have ever been with in my entire life.I find that I am becoming bored sexually with him and fantasizing about what it would be like to be with another man. I am feeling so guilty about it because my husband is a good person and a good father to our sons. I have a crush on someone else at the moment and the sexual attraction is overwhelming compared to the boredeom I am feeling with my husband.I wish looking back that I had more experience. Because of our culture, my parents taught me that girls had to wait until they were married to have sex. It did not matter for the boys. So I did as I was told. Years later I did not realize I would be feeling this way. It was always so romantic to think a girl has been with one guy her whole life. At least that is what my parents kept drilling into my head.How do I get over these feelings of boredom and a lack of physical attraction towards my husband? How do I get the thought of having amazing and passionate sex with this other guy out of my mind? How do I know I am not going to be settling for the rest of my life?Shouldn't we all be attracted to our lifemates?I never want to get physical with my hubby and we go months and months without any sex because I am not into him. And it is so hard because he is willing and able anytime and I have a healthy sex drive.Please help!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): I agree with above 'love girl' but as you said you are feeling bore with hb but it was you who kept him away as you told, so you make interesting with your hb not with new hubby because, think if your husb goes to other women then you will feel real pain and then you realize what you have done with your hb sorry i am not threatening you but imagine and that is what your are trying to do. so good if you develop good relationship with hb and i appreciate your parent's drilling in your mind and you were faithful surely you will get reward for that one day you don't know may be so keep it up don
't loose
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Why not have both. Don't jump in with crush now, instead try to grow your sexual repertoire with you husband, as suggested already here. Once your husband is open-minded enough, it might be possible to explore the crush as long as you can be honest with your husband. Hubby does not own you, nor does he have exclusive rights to you for life (not natural anyways) … but honesty is important … and perhaps you marriage is more important right now should you decide to sacrifice your rights, should the explorations with hubby still are not satisfactory.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): Marriage is damn hard work. Having a healthy sex life almost 20 years later is damn impossible when you do not work at it.
I have to agree with what the others have said. An affair is a No No. Yes you want mindblowing sex with someone else but is it worth your reputation, your marriage? Women who have affairs are scorned at, no matter how 'good' they are, the fact that they have strayed means that she is untrustworthy, easy and a skank. Yes you are cringing right now but that is how society perceives a female adulterer.
Use your imagination girl. Invest in your bedroom activities. Date night? Fantasy night?
You cannot expect to get turned on without doing some homework yourself.
You said you go months without sex. This is one of the most selfish things to force upon your hb. How does he react? Where does he take his frustrations out? Masturbation?
I am amazed when women withhold sex from their hbs yet cry wolf when he seeks it elsewhere. Can you see where I am going with this?
If you are not going to actively contribute to a sex life with your hb don't be surprised if he seeks it elsewhere.then you will be without hb and without the crush.
You can salvage your marriage and your intimacy if you start making plans to sex up your marriage. Yep your hubby may be surprised at first, wondering what the heck is happening to you, but once you show him you are game, he too will reciprocate.
Good luck and please whatever you do, don't have sex with another man. You can then say goodbye to your hb, kids and your reputation. It is ok to be frustrated and have fantasies but when you make a choice to stray then you face the consequences. So choose wisely.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 Boredom with sex?????? I did 18years, and sex was just getting interesting before we broke up. Damn, there's tons of fun stuff to do in bed without getting another man.
Have you done everything in http://www.sexinfo101.com/ The positions in there are a good place to start.
Karma sutra (available online free) Once you get past the flower arranging, then they got thousands of things to do. Do you know there are over 100 mouth-mouth kisses.
Get yourself some porn, soft porn, mainstream. The hardcore stuff can be repetitive. Tons of stories and fantasies to play out, should give you tons of ideas.
Erotic literature. Got tons of versions, from classics like "The story of O" (heavy S&M), to Ellora's cave. Again, tons of fantasies, pick one and play about with it.
Having sex in public... the amount of locations to have secret sex, or just make out and kiss is mind blowing.
Get yourself a costume box. Visit a sex shop together and pick up some toys.
How do you make your husband different... have you tried blindfolds. Brings mystery, danger and suspense back.
My favourite is Tantic Sex. You need to search the internet and it takes a lot of study, but it's mindblowing endless orgasms all the time. Also helps to bring love and peace into the home and into the heart.
Bored.... girl, you aint trying hard enough. There's no such thing as a free lunch, if you want a better sex life, go and create one.
PS: Is there any way he could become more attractive to you, loose weight or something. This fling will not work. You will feel used and abused when the man has sex and then dumps you. He won't respect you, no one respects married women who have affairs, and your marriage will be over.
Better you tell your husband you've been thinking about a threesome, and get a vibrator and then pretend with him. Fantasy is a hell of lot easier than divorce.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (9 February 2011):
 I second everything that Caring Guy said.
As the the boredom with sex, think about what you want. Sex in long-term relationships can become very routine, very predictable, and consequently dull. Are there things you want to try that aren't in your current repertoire? Fantasies that really work for you? Tell your husband! He can't read your mind. He almost certainly wants to make it good for you -- tell him how!
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A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 Ah, society. Isn't it lovely? It tells us what we're supposed to want, and it tells us so thoroughly that we sincerely believe that we want these things. We're supposed to want true love, to pair up for life, to get married and live the dream. Who actually succeeds? Really, though? Who lives the Disney fairytale ending forever and ever?Well, my love, you're going to have to balance up everything going on right now and see which weighs heaviest. You're married. You love your husband. You don't want to hurt him. How much do you love him? How much do you love your life with him?Sexual desire is a tricky one, because it flares up hugely at the beginning and then dies out. You've been with your husband for eighteen years. Honestly? I don't think it's ever going to be that huge rush of passion that you're feeling for this new guy. I think you need to go further than just thinking about sex, in this situation. Where's your life at? How much of your existence depends on your marriage? So often, we like to retire inside relationships with other people and use them as a prop. We're scared of being alone, we don't want to be seen to fail, and it's so much more comfortable going through things with someone there to hold your hand.As the first Auntie replied, going for your crush will cause pain down the line. Well, staying with your husband will cause pain down the line too. There's always going to be pain down the line, because pain is part of life, and that's just the way it goes. Don't have regrets about your lack of previous sexual experience. Honestly, it probably wouldn't make any difference at this point. This is between you and your husband, and between you and your crush, but mainly it's between you and yourself.What I will say is that you shouldn't have an affair. Be honest with everyone involved. But finally, you must decide for yourself. What do you really want?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 February 2011):
This is a big sign now that your marriage needs major attention - or one day you might have an affair and have to explain to your husband and sons. I would urge you to take a good look at your marriage and try to fix it. Go all the way back to basics and start dating your husband again. Forget the sex and focus on talking and TLC. Start over with your husband. Most marriages at some point go through this crisis - a lot can come through, but it takes effort. It seems as if your husband wants to make effort, so please try and do the same.
Another man is not the answer, and this crush is just that - a crush who offers nothing but pain down the line.
Your marriage is the answer - but you now need to put 100 times more effort into it.
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