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writes:My wife and I have been married for 24 1/2 years. It has been getting rough recently. It has been building for quite a while though. I was almost killed in an automobile accident 7 1/2 years ago. I have recovered but still have quite a few issues(in my head I believe). She recently started to see a psychiatrist, which I knew nothing about. This came out the other night when we had a blowout. We talked and she wants to separate and both get help before we go any farther. Should we go to separate psychiatrists and then go to a marriage counselor? Or should we go to a marriage counselor first? This is our current problem/disagreement. I have moved out of the room, but cannot afford to get another place. My family is out of state (900 miles away)and I think that would defeat the purpose.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): I do believe it is good that you are still staying together; it keeps some type of bond going;
the sooner you can both start with profesional help the better;
You are not giving much information as to what caused the breakdown between the two of you; or what is the real problem between the two of you;
Do you have children?
As she is already seeing a psychiatrist; let her continue with that;
BUT
I suggest the two of you go to a marriage counsellor;
Best wishes.
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reader, rcn +, writes (13 July 2008):
 I believe staying together is a positive method. Separating, signifies what it says. By doing so it's much harder to bring the pieces back together as a whole.
First, I want to say, this problem is not a "marital" issue. None of them really are, although for a couple to have problems they pin it on that. It's a problem with self. Arguments are only a mismanaged method of compromise. You want, she wants, the prize is in the middle but neither one is satisfied until they get what they want.
I heard someone not long ago that was talking about "love" in marriage, and the breakdown of it. He said this, "Instead of expecting love, try loving without expectation."
The two of you have been married for many years. 24 years ago you said "I do" for a reason. Bring yourself back to that moment and remember why you chose her. Then, love her every moment of every day not for any other reason but her being who you chose to say "I do" too.
I wish you the best, and hope you can work things out to enjoy the next 24 years together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): hi
at the moment i would try to sort yourself out and let your wife do the same, it will be too much of a strain for you both sorting your union out aswell i think. Space is often good at certain times and can lift confusion. I do not know what would be best regards living accomdation, but if neither of you can move out, try to have some agreement of respect for each others space. good luck stay calm and let the future take care of itself just do what you have to do now and try and leave the past where it belongs.
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