A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for almost 20 years, most of it happily. I have relatively few complaints. Life has been good. About a month ago, I attended a work related social event without my husband. Things got rather friendly with a female co-worker and we had a sexual encounter afterwards. I don't consider myself a lesbian but it was always a fantasy I had wanted to try. I had a few too many drinks and found the whole incident rather exciting. I think I just let myself get caught up in the moment. I don't plan to do it again and I feel extremely guilty for betraying my husband. He would be devastated if he knew. I would be too if the shoe were on the other foot. Should I risk my marriage by coming clean or should I just keep my mouth shut? He has no idea this happened. I'm really torn here on what to do. Surely someone out there has been through a similar situation and can offer some good advice.
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female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (19 September 2008):
 Hi there,You sound genuinely concerned and I can tell you're feeling really guilty about what happened. Now you know your husband better than any of us, 20 years should have given you enough time to decide that, so you can judge for yourself what his reaction would be, and if you honestly believe he'll hit the roof, then I suggest you keep quiet about it, and only hope he doesn't ever find out.I know by not being honest with him can be just as bad ~ if not worse ~ than what you did, but I'm afraid it's a choice you're going to have to make. Ask yourself this: Could it ruin your marriage if you told him the truth? Would it ruin your marriage if you didn't, and he finds out from someone else? Is there a possibility of him ever finding out if you did keep it a secret?A hard decision to make, I must admit. Isn't it amazing how one night of passion can leave you feeling like you have the whole world on your shoulders? I can truly understand and relate to why you did it, you were curious, and believe me, curiosity always gets the better of us, and the temptation for you was far too strong for you to resist.I sincerely hope you make the right decision and wish you all the very best of luck. Take care my luv,BigSisxXx
A
male
reader, Marriedtwokids +, writes (19 September 2008):
Well, I cannot say I have been in a similar position, but the "standard" pragmatic advice is if you are pretty sure your husband will not find out, and you are sure it won't happen again and you want the marriage to continue, then do not tell.First is it likely your husband will find out? Was it discrete? I'm afraid if it was at a work's do possibly not. Are any work colleagues likely to let something slip if they did see anything? If so, I think you've got to tell or be prepared to issue some vehement denials. If not, then I would say keep quiet.Now I'm always ambiguous about the "don't tell unless you are about to be caught out" strategy on affairs, as I often feel its a deliberate deceit of a trusting partner designed to allow the cheater to avoid facing the unpleasant consequences of their actions (including their partner ending the relationship once they know) thinly disguised as altruisticaly trying to avoid pain for the deceived. But in this instance I think discretion is best. It was once, you seem to be saying you are happy in your marriage and it won't happen again (correct?). On that basis learn from it and keep quiet.However, I am afraid my weasel word detector flashed when you said you found it exciting but that you "don't plan" to do it again. Now I'm afraid this site is full of people who claim they did not "plan" to have an affair but low and behold happen to get into an affair by "accident". I hope that is not going to happen to you!Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): Come clean.You owe him that, at the very least.He will be very angry if he has any form of deceny in him. But he will also forgive this one indiscretion on the grounds that it NEVER, EVER happen again.You should have known better, at your age.Just because you have fantasy, it does not give you the right to risk an entire marriage to carry it out. Some fantasies are best kept in the head.Just pray your husband is more sympathetic than I. Do you have any idea how it feels to a guy to have your woman cheat with another woman. It takes away his manhood.Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, little_goth_bladez +, writes (18 September 2008):
you must come clean imagine its like a ballon being blown up the longer you hold it in (pump it) the louder its gonna explode which means you should tell him while its right and just say that it was an accident a one off and you only wanted to try it once and you have done it now so there shouldnt be anymore problems
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