A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling really down and lost. a male friend of mine, who was also one of my best friends has cut me out his life. Everything about the situation is getting me down from the fact he wont speak to me, the fact he doesnt seem to be the person he was and only wants to spend time with his gf, forget about his mates, and the things I've had said to me.I am really hurt but the thing is we did have abit of a thing afew years ago, it wasn't serious, and we have both moved on. I've had someone else and so has he, neither of us have feelings for each other so I'm unsure why that even got brought up in the arguements. Up until now we have been fine so its not because of the past.However n the last 6 months he went away for a while and came back with a rather awful attitude. He says hes jsut standing up for himself but hes not, because when people do get on at him its because hes changed for the worst. He needed to do this back then.But anyway he got a new gf. He turned round and said to me out the blue one night that if I say anything about her I'll be out his life. He'd only known her afew weeks. I don't like her in all honesty, she may be a nice girl to him, but shes 5 years younger than him, shes very loud and mouthy, and she has slept with a hell of alot of people, which is shocking for her age (17, soon to be 18).All i said was I'm happy for him, ts his choice but please be careful as she does have a reputation for sleeping around and he even told me she wanted sex from day one, something which he wouldn't usually do with people unless it was serious. But 2 weeks later, and she asked him to stay at this house she was looking after and he gave in. He said to me "well I gave her what she wants and shes still with me" ... I just thought you idiot.Anyway after he got with her he barely came out, i kept trying to see him but it was excuse after excuse and so we ended up having an argument, and he said he didn't really want to come out anymore. I was hurt and said shes not the only person in this world you know, just one night out twice a month wouldn't hurt. The argument continued and I said I'm sick of your attitude towards me, I don't expect to be pushed aside just cuz you have a new gf and I'm sure your mates dont.We've had arguments before and usually they egt eft a week or so and then we sort it when we have calmed down. But afew days later his gf messaged me asking why I called her what I did (a name for someone who sleeps around) which i can understand, and she also said why aren't you happy for him, to which I replied I was till he started pushing us all out and changing just to please you, its pretty obvious it was slightly out of insecurity.Anyway after that she turned aggressive rather quick and called me everything under the sun, her last message was to say that I know longer have a friendship with him because hes chose her. Funny cuz I never made him choose, but it doesnt seem right cuz he wont stand for anyone telling him to choose so she can't have done either.I sent him a rather angry message asking why he couldn;t of told me himself and why he;d told her stuff about me that wasn't true. I didnt get a reply but he did block me off Facebook, he hasn't replied to any message since, which haven't been the nicest.I can;t stand the way hes become, hes not the friend I once had, he literally lives his life for her and when I say he doesn;t have time for anyone else I seriously mean it. The only time they have apart is when they;re at work, they spend everyday and night together, he even finished work at 1am and goes round to fetch her and spend the night even thought he then has to get up at 7am to take her to work.. He fetches her from work and only see's his mates on the odd occasion she doesn;t stay over and then he doesn't go round till 1am.. unless he takes her with him. They've only been together just under 4 months.. I would of thought he'd of missed spending time with his friends, or at least got sick of her, shes nothing like "his type" although she must be if they;re that happy.I honestly don't understand why he couldn;t of told me himself that he didnt want to be friends or why hes become that clingy? Will this last? Will they ever break up? I really don;t like her but that has nothing to do with me and I;d never go causing trouble but hes changed so much for her. I wish they;d break up as harsh as it seems and Id never usually wish that on anyone. Will I ever have the friend back that I've had for so many years or does he really not care less about me? Because he don;t seem to care less about anything but her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): Original poster - Thanks for your advice it really helps.He has had another serious gf but she was sort of long distance, about an hr and a half away and she had college and he worked a little more than he does now. So in one sense she is his first deadly serious gf that has lived around here.He wasn't clingy with me although as I say we werent serious, and tbh he was too shy with me to be clingy. He did have a gf years ago but I dont really think she was that serious but he did make time at the weekends for his mates.. as I say that was about 3.5 years ago and they didnt last long.Your probably right and she is something very speical, not sure how as she was never his type until this past afew months. Someone as messaged him, it was a decent message, no arguing, but he didnt reply. But tbh they dont get on well so I knew that wouldn't work. I shall see how things go and probably try your suggestion. I am currently looking for a new job etc so hopefully that will bring something new and distracting to my life. Thanks for your help
A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 It's no problem. I can understand a little more why you are so upset by this now, is there anyone else you can talk to like you could talk to him? I hate to feel like you are so attached to this guy, he can't always be there and he's clearly not dependable as a good friend should be. To answer your question, he is clingy with her because she is something special for him, it doesn't mean she is amazing in a general sense but is to him, there is something good about her for him to drop everyone. Have you known him in any other relationships? Typically a guy who can drop all his friends is just the type to cling in all relationships and it matters little which girl it is. If he's not normally this way then she is very special and different to him indeed, and he does what she wants so he won't lose her. I can't say why she is different for him, only he knows that. These types of relationships are typically unhealthy as they are isolated from friends. But for now he thinks the world of her. I hope you can move on and feel better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): Hey I am the posted, Yes that was my question but I thought it hadn't been psoted as I couldn't find it which is why I wrote again. Thanks for sending the link though, and sorry for making you answer again.
I am trying to move on but he has been in my life for a very long time and its very hard, I;ve not got alot of good stuff in life at the moment so this has hit me harder than it would if it had happened last year or so.
Can i just ask your opinon, when you say he is clingy because theres something about her that makes him that way? Do you mean good or bad?
Good as in shes obviously amazing and the best thing hes ever had?
Or bad as in insecurity because or her personality and the fact she has slept around and that sex is important to her?
Sorry for all the questions but if I understand it more it'll help me to calm down abit and move forward. Thank you
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (17 November 2012):
This is your other post here-
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-friend-cut-me-out-of-his-life.html
I'm sorry that you are still upset by this. I will start by answering all of your last questions.
"I honestly don't understand why he couldn;t of told me himself that he didnt want to be friends or why hes become that clingy?"
He didn't tell you himself because she told him not to speak to you anymore. He is doing what she wants, you aren't important enough to him to stand up to her and keep you around. He has become clingy because there is obviously something about this girl that makes him this way.
"Will this last? Will they ever break up?"
No one can say. The fact that she is so young it is unlikely they will last forever, but no one can say how long they will last.
"Will I ever have the friend back that I've had for so many years or does he really not care less about me?"
He may come back to speak to you again, depending on how harsh your messages to him were, when the girlfriend is out of the picture. Again, he will not be your friend as long as she is around.
You feel a lot more for him than he does you. He isn't speaking to you anymore and it has been almost 2 weeks now yet you are still racking your brain about what happened and when he could possibly come back. He has moved on, he made his choice. You need to move on from this too, sitting around worrying about their relationship isn't getting you anywhere and isn't causing him to come back. You are far too involved with this man who wants nothing to do with you at the moment. To be honest this is likely to repeat itself even if he does come back to you one day so you need to distance yourself from this person. He isn't as great of a friend as you think he is. It's like a break up, accept what is happening is a break up and move on the same way.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (17 November 2012):
 From your post its pretty obvious you probably had a thing for him but dont want to admit it or at least thats how it seems. But now that he has broken all channels of communication with you, dont you think its time to back off and let bygones be bygones. You have to realise that the friendship that once existed between you and this boy has been broken, you cant fix it on your own either he has to want to partake in being your friend again. Stop calling, texting, facebooking him and his girlfriend because you are coming across as the psycho here. Am sure you are in a position to make new friends, so do that. And realise that when it comes to matters of the heart between two people the third person is considered the outsider, its time to let go, even though it hurts so bad.
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